huge shredded wheats, orange juice

this cough is gonna get me in trouble. stupid seasonal bronchitis.

woke up feelin drowsy from last night. no weird dreams tday, but had a vision holding pocket jacks in early position. did the breakfast thing, spilt stuff all over the place, wheat pieces and oj everywhere. back in the day buffet wasn't that cool. did some gamin fer a bit, and now really startin to fall into my groove. filled a couple orders, and had some homemade dinner that i could put my stamp of approval on. did some wiki'n about old music stars, and fun songs, such as Chuck Berry's "My Ding-A-Ling".

headed out to CR, was able to break in some reading, help out folks, and kinda delve into other peoples' work life. tried somethin new tday that dunno, felt awkward at first, but hopefully it becomes more normal as such. it's so weird when we sang a praise song last week how folks would stand up for God, yet ironically most ppl were sitting....

discussion was aright. talked about what our devotions were, perhaps what's holdin us back, and also situations where we've both seen, needed, avoided, and embraced what remains true to us. great piece of wisdom drew from that is that devotion and commitment are not one and the same; i can be committed to my work, but not devoted, and the other way round.

came back to base, almost did somethin really stupid on the way back, but i guess thankfully those words didn't come out. after all, there's a first fer everything, simply though i'm not sure that person would be the first. makin some reheats on dinner, and hopin to sleep early tnight, so at the very least can heal up fer next couple days. feelin flabbish without any type of exercise.

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tday sam ng was in our CR small group; he said he was visiting. as long as i've known sam, i know what kinda guy he is. folks have his opinions on him. i do too, but that's another entry in another time. what's consistent about him though is that he always is a source of knowledge, or at the very least, intriguing things will be said by him.

tnight, he struck a mental chord in my mind with this phrase "devotion doesn't necessarily need love in it", or rather devotion and love wouldn't be one in the same. he said that from webster's dictionary, that there is no mention of the word love, or even the notion. so i sought out to find more information, and learn something, whether by truth or refuting.

the dictionary apparently makes a differentiation between devotion and devote. in the devote it mentioned a giving of resources, whereas devotion is more of the context of religious pursuit. they did mention however that it has to be an earnest giving and that it also tends to go in one particular direction. makes sense enough so far.

let's however take a crack at what is the most universal example of love, the desire fer the spouse, your soul mate, "the one". put yourself in a situation-what would you do to sustain, to have, to cherish and to keep this love goin? you'd put your all into it-time, resources, emotion, money, your being. is that not devoting yourself there? if i weren't devoted to my girl, would she think i loved her?

reverse it a bit, and let's see somethin that i devote my stuff to. time is our greatest asset, one of the few things we can control and choose how to direct in and out of our lives. my time right now, i place it in few things-books, my games, my people, my dreams, my God. do i love them? well, in certain places, they've given me heartbreak, disappointment, frustration, rage, and unfulfillment at least in a physical sense. but God, do i love them. why would i "waste" my time, doing something i didn't like, let alone, didn't love?

i suppose i could be devoted to something, such as an ideal, and not love it. could be pride, power, the american dream. feels narciscistic though, and only meant to sustain self through reciprocation. if these things get me another thing, such as security, recognition, peace, then, i will go for them, otherwise i will not pursue them when they burn me. that would be your devotion, witout love.

devotion-no matter how big the cost, how foolish it looks or seems, it feels right cause simply, it is right.

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tnight feelin alone still matters. but it's only the body that's got me down-f'my mind's connected to other folks, then we've beaten the forces that were out to stop us.