the get out of shower-fresh feeling that i get, state of mind feels clear, feels like life is painless. the nudity part though, not sure if that's required. perhaps it's the feeling of clothes on afterwards that is so good.
felt really restless this morn. thought i woke up and overslept, but rembered that i set the alarm correctly. went back to sleep and rewoke later, was still 10 am. pretty much burned the morning through reading, playing, and hosting. in debt a lil more fer a lil bit, and hopin for larger returns down the road. power nap until 5ish, gamed some more, ate some more until 7ish.
headed out to tufts territory fer a poetry thing that a friend was in. the night was unsettlin due to lack of controllable transportation and standin up for 2 hours. each presenter was pretty good-some focused on lyrical content, others on metaphors, and still more others drawing from personal experience. messages that they wanted to share, pull together, and be unified as one people. the main event, Beau Sia, was pretty cool; challenging and insightful, entertaining too.
friend didn't win, and was gettin late so i headed back to base. took a shower to get rid of the hathead. now doin my nightly followthroughs, and preppin fer tmr's day 2 of the commonwealth seminar. time to destroy my confidence level entirely :)
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a lil C and P from my blackberry, some content edited until the truer folks come into my life.
sooner or later, i gotta realize that i, am the force needed to live on. don't know how to exist without letting someone be a receptacle to what i can accomplish. life feels empty without acknowledgment.
no one wants to die silent, but no one wants to live silent either. inside, a scream with despair and unfulfilled hope. it is not satisfactory that internally there is little progress in the element of human closeness, relationally and socially. discontent and disconnect in my heart leads me to question more and more of my fight.
i am pained internally, for i see little development in roads about. it is not the fact that people may attribute my actions to lunacy. if is the fact that simply folks do not care or acknowledge the struggle that i trudge through, in order to "make a better world"
i realize that in this time, i myself must give accolades to ones who are supporting me now. odd that i treat most of them like crap, in so many little ways. what do i have to gain from this antagonism except release, an outlet for happiness not attained? how creative can i be to mock, to knock down a brother, human being, yet go forth fighting for others? perhaps now is a time for atonement for such behaviors, instead of pure concern for the human condition.
(after the C and P, i see that this can sound much like a soapbox rant. in the stage of my mind though, there's only 1 speaker, and 1 audience member.)
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purity comes in many forms. people do not ever think that the last form is evil.
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