chinese egg mcsausage, rice

clarity feels damn good. still not sure why folks love to get high.

woke up this morn by a random dream involvin me as a scrabble representative of our region. fer some reason i held an S as my last tile, so i prolly was smokin somethin heinous in that dream world. familiar faces too, but the weirdest thing was that when i woke up, was talkin in some russian knockoff accent. still was doin that the whole day, on and off.

played some games, collected some money, got cussed at cause folks get parking tickets and i'm a cop, fer no logical reason. at 5ish, was playin phone tag with folks from smallgroup bout dinner and whatnot. decided to go to b-good fer some reason, and i'm ner goin to there again, due to sucky fries.

chilled at the garage fer a bit, with talks in my front background bout hating capitalism and debated normalcies with efforts that seem inadequate in bringing proper change to the systems. wanted to say somethin, but i tend to let others dominate the convo, and listening lets me soak in wisdom or follies of folks.

saw 2nd half of red cliff instead of headin to twigs. prolly shoulda, but i'll see my people soon enough. the endin of the movie was kinda ho-hum but the rest of the movie was pretty tight. some stuff was kinda over the top, but the rest felt rooted in realism.

got driven back to base, exercised fer a bit, played some more games. now writin, reflectin, and headin to bed soon. tryin to understand my own destiny in everythin, but fer now, am feelin naked that i haven't read a book in 24 hours.

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since a large majority of blog posts are personal rants, i guess i'll add onto the stack of garbage known as the internet. spit my 2 cents about the convo tonight.

bankers/traders/financial specialists or whatever you wan call them; they got oerpaid in america. why you ask? well, i bet you prolly already know. these folks are in charge of moving, monitoring and growing large sums of money for their clients, whether folks, organizations or businesses. as such, when they have success, the industry rewards them with compensation. when they fail, they kinda get the heave-ho. course that isn't always the case (the big bailouts of yesteryear. that's a diffrent debate altogether, but ver related and pertinent to this dunghole that america's kinda in)

our attitudes towards them-they're grossly overpaid, and treated different, like royalty of old. even when they do somin wrong, say embezzlin, mismanagement of funds, they get a comparative slap on the wrist compared to folks who do harder crimes. the funny thing is that we put a price on life, whether spiritually or numerically. folks who end up stealin money from people, and then these people go poor, homeless and out on the street, lives broken, families dissolved, relationships on rocks due to financial stresses....affects those people fer their lives. but that torment isn't factored in so much fer the initial crime of simply emptyin people of their life savings.

in the past, money was created and purposed to be used as a medium of exchange, and a store of value. originally if say, a blacksmith, wanted wheat from the farmer, he woud barter his goods for the other; an anvil for a bale of wheat. however, this involved physically transporting these items to another in order for it to work. money was created in order to substitute as a store of value, to say this anvil is worth X dollars. these X dollars can be used to buy this wheat, etc etc. and all was fine. it was resembling the way cheques work.

but instead, we put a higher value, a greater emphasis on money. we made it a commodity. to own and to gather more money, means very much today. it means one is able to open up doors, to purchase goods, to obtain more things. it is ok until, "rampant greed is not good". and i suppose there are many folks like that, but they've got their own reasons. objectively i'd want to say share, but even so, i know in my own life, i grill others to pay up their debts.

but it's an attitude thing. what do we feel about it? these actions, these flaunts and searches for more, they leave a noxious taste in our mouths. we desire change, that the system act fairly, to help others in need, to have wealth brought to folks who need it more and have earned it through their just efforts. great! we have the first step to change-the flame, the itch, the irk that says "dammit, somethin isn't right".

what's step 2? well, propose a way to change. as a friend said tnight, "it's all well and good that you want to change things, but if you don't have an idea, it's kinda moot." fair enough-let's go reward folks who create somethin better than themselves, somethin intangible, but heightens the human condition. knowledge capital is one-teachers, as mentioned by another friend. how bout social concern? folks who don't trample on other human beings in order to get ahead-tobacco execs'll take the shot here. it's a start, tnight.

and well, what about folks of lil faith? yes, we need an example. ppl run through their minds "i don't got the means to make a big change now, but i'll do the small things, and eventually when i can, i'll do the big." how, bout, we change that up, and put more faith in ourselves. the system now isn't actively tryin to quash the lil guy, at least not in america so much. let's be the change that we want in our lives, and not have to wait fer someone up in the big league to do it. they say we need an example-be that example.

granted, now as i say this, i reflect upon the historical stance of folks who wanted to reform things but were shut down, persecuted, even killed fer tryin to get things dones. examples of past revolutions when thinkers were set to the side so that another agenda, a reigning authority could last. works of fiction that talked about utopian societies that imposed thought as a punishable evil. to question is to rebel; to rebel is to threaten. as i think about it, i find it odd that these types of systems feel threatened when 1 group goes against them-the authority feels scared. yet it is us, when we as individuals look to stand up against the giant, that we feel weak in our knees. guess that behemoth isn't as secure as we thought, eh?

to this end, i am not certain if we are better fighting for change alone or in small groups, or in one collective. divided, we can think and dream, but we imagine the odds are staggering. together, we are stronger in number, but run risk of complacency and groupthink. in both cases, a leader will emerge. but, what if we were all leaders? would the power vacuum destroy us all? or will we emerge victorious?

all you need to know tonight, is that you're only as big as you allow yourself. no delusions of grandeur here, but i'm not the meek mouse you want us all to be.

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(wonders who'll ever be on the same page as me. and when i first say that, i don't mean i'm ahead of anyone. perhaps i've slowed down and need to catch up to folks. this is why life is a lil more enjoyable-the wonder of discovering somethin new)