men can influence us to act. some men can get us to think differently. even fewer can affect the ways we should feel. but who in your life can captivate you so hard that it changes the way you live? Easter's in a few... have a good one, J.C.
woke up this mornin prematurely, ended up oversleepin the alarm that i accidentally shut off. caught up on early emails and such, and saw an errand that i could actually run so headed out after preppin and gatherin the right materials.
took a trip that brought me to somerville to pick up an envelope, and deliver it to NEU, or "home field" as i like to call it. got lost fer a lil bit, but met up some new and old familiar faces fer a bit. after successfully runnin the errand, headed to best buy to unwind in victory.
guitar wasn't workin, the "bass" guitar's strum was broke, and the chair fer the drum was taken by a guy who was playing MLB 2010. (really yo, that game doesn't require you to sit at all-even IRL baseball is majority standing, unless you suck). headed to pru instead to see if folks were there. played some stupid things and learned bout other decks and tricks before headin out to CR.
CR tnight was kinda wack. came early and folks weren't there; everyone was out of their natural rhythm, and there was corn syrup ervywhere. fortunately though, got a lot of things to think about, mostly the part of how to be a fundamental Christian.
walked back to base, catchin up with a friend. some packages came in the mail, took care of them. some msgs that i couldn't respond to. long weekend ahead, starting with tryin to knock off my bonus in the games, followed by a beta testing, state house meeting, and Easter things to be done. hopfly this sickness goes away before.
===================================================================================
congee should not resemble soup. 'nuff said. should tell you all you need to know bout me, from a food critic stance.
===================================================================================
why do folks see more of the hatred in my heart than the love? it's there too, but i guess it's not as powerful or having the ability to move others as much as it can and prolly should. (wish my love was "offensive")
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
corn flakes, orange juice, tap water
is advertising really the make or break of a good business, idea, relationship? if this is the case, i need myself a pr rep.
woke up this mornin feelin kinda good from the supposed crack nap fer sleep. ripped my bedsheet, dunno how, musta been an angry dream. played games fer a bit while checkin out some job listings by TSA. not lookin to work with dogs, or anything weighin over 70 lbs. took in some orders before headin out to the galleria fer the runner rally.
was arigh there-pretty lowkey, only a few folks came in. got to knock down some questions, get some input, and perhaps breathe a second wind in my sails. went to their best buy as well, and jammed on some beatles rockband fer a bit (and i realize that i now hate the beatles, or at least the persons responsible fer the soundtrack)
back to base, took care of some emails, read some articles about responsibility and other articles about humor. wantin to get back in shape right now, but still sick and don't wanna oerload fer a bit. in a couple days, be back on my feet, ready to tackle my world by doin nothin :)
====================================================================================
inspiration comes from good ideas and thinkers, and folks who simply aren't afraid to speak their minds. the rudest, most uneducated individual, and the proverbial pompous jackbutt...well, they can both teach us things and open new windows, new gates to explore and to get in trouble in.
====================================================================================
(wonder what i'm gonna do with my TV once this lent season is over. cause right now i don't really need it....perhaps someone can take it off my hands.)
woke up this mornin feelin kinda good from the supposed crack nap fer sleep. ripped my bedsheet, dunno how, musta been an angry dream. played games fer a bit while checkin out some job listings by TSA. not lookin to work with dogs, or anything weighin over 70 lbs. took in some orders before headin out to the galleria fer the runner rally.
was arigh there-pretty lowkey, only a few folks came in. got to knock down some questions, get some input, and perhaps breathe a second wind in my sails. went to their best buy as well, and jammed on some beatles rockband fer a bit (and i realize that i now hate the beatles, or at least the persons responsible fer the soundtrack)
back to base, took care of some emails, read some articles about responsibility and other articles about humor. wantin to get back in shape right now, but still sick and don't wanna oerload fer a bit. in a couple days, be back on my feet, ready to tackle my world by doin nothin :)
====================================================================================
inspiration comes from good ideas and thinkers, and folks who simply aren't afraid to speak their minds. the rudest, most uneducated individual, and the proverbial pompous jackbutt...well, they can both teach us things and open new windows, new gates to explore and to get in trouble in.
====================================================================================
(wonder what i'm gonna do with my TV once this lent season is over. cause right now i don't really need it....perhaps someone can take it off my hands.)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
corn flakes, sparkling water
my friend stacks caiuses on his diamond dude effects, has led to many lulz
woke up, bad cough, sore throat. called ppl regarding hanging out tday, and folks were busy, not there, or not havin it. gamed fer a bit-am laying back, cause i'm actin delirious, and playin terrible. headed out to meadow glen mall to run some errands.
sold off some of the video game stuff. picked up my gift card, and looked around fer a place to spend it in, but nothin appealin, and also fer the fact i don't need "more materials" in my house.
fun stuff at the mall:
================================
-easter decorations
-a woman manikin with a sloppily placed easter bunny suit on it
-a person dressed as an easter bunny takin pictures with kids, who were punchin it. looked like a corpse at first, cause it wasn't moving...
-thread therapy/beauty acts.
-bunch of old italian dudes playing a game. one looked almost exactly like super mario, while the others were kinda stereotypish lookin. (not sayin that in a bad way, but it was the idea, personified)
on the way back to base (instead of best buy for rock band, cause still tired, sick and have things to do), i come to the revelation of what my future wife would look like to me: in the end, it doesn't matter if she looks like a train wreck, cause i'mma still love her. beauty is only aesthetic preference to our minds. (however, if she decides to have a sex change, i'm out)
at base, ate some dinner, while asking questions to my colleagues about girl stuff, and the world around me. optin to take care of a bit more finances later on this week, after i get rid of this sickness. where is michael jackson's hyperbaric chamber when i need it?
==================================================================================
a thought hit me when i came off the bus tday. we are suckers fer technology, and i wonder why. we've been usin it fer so long, and perhaps we are coming to the point where if they all suddenly stopped working, or even worse, ran amok, we'd go "what do we do now?" don't get me wrong, technology has great use, and has done so much for ppl. but let's consider some of the typical technological marvels we have and typically use today:
apple and its related products in the music industry, such as the iPod, iTouch, etc has made entertainment portable, easy to access, and easy to buy as well as build and toy around with. great and all for personal entertainment, and even sharing with friends. but as i walk through boston common, or sit on the train, folks don't wanna communicate-they wanna be left alone. stimes they don't even notice the world around them with their earbuds jacked in. our own implicit form of isolation-same goes for cell phones.
personal computers have been faster, stronger, being able to hold, process data, organize many things, streamline us ideas and information on the internet, able to create many works of art. however, another isolationist tool. every one computer out there, unshared, owned, personalized, but guarded, and out of reach. even worse, as we use these tools, in our homes, in our workplaces...who's really using who here?
tv-broadcaster of entertainment since the death of the Golden Age of film. much like a gun, great in the right hands, deadly if not. folks glued to the couch, watching crappy sitcoms and other shows. a double shot to us, because not only are we harmed by its content, but also by the time wasting element. same for video games, and i partially know firsthand and from secondhand accounts.
the whole of our technology, without even realizing it, is that we're wiping out the face of humanity ever so slowly. one day it might be even that we become so comfortable with our lives, that we don't need other humans to function, sustain, or entertain ourselves; we'll get all our knowledge, enjoyment, our "life" from machines. this is what we must avoid-to not let us become the pet of the machines that we created so much to help us, that instead, they become the master technician.
====================================================================================
(wonders if this'll ever get to you in time...yknow, before i either get old and grey, or you fall off a cliff. )
woke up, bad cough, sore throat. called ppl regarding hanging out tday, and folks were busy, not there, or not havin it. gamed fer a bit-am laying back, cause i'm actin delirious, and playin terrible. headed out to meadow glen mall to run some errands.
sold off some of the video game stuff. picked up my gift card, and looked around fer a place to spend it in, but nothin appealin, and also fer the fact i don't need "more materials" in my house.
fun stuff at the mall:
================================
-easter decorations
-a woman manikin with a sloppily placed easter bunny suit on it
-a person dressed as an easter bunny takin pictures with kids, who were punchin it. looked like a corpse at first, cause it wasn't moving...
-thread therapy/beauty acts.
-bunch of old italian dudes playing a game. one looked almost exactly like super mario, while the others were kinda stereotypish lookin. (not sayin that in a bad way, but it was the idea, personified)
on the way back to base (instead of best buy for rock band, cause still tired, sick and have things to do), i come to the revelation of what my future wife would look like to me: in the end, it doesn't matter if she looks like a train wreck, cause i'mma still love her. beauty is only aesthetic preference to our minds. (however, if she decides to have a sex change, i'm out)
at base, ate some dinner, while asking questions to my colleagues about girl stuff, and the world around me. optin to take care of a bit more finances later on this week, after i get rid of this sickness. where is michael jackson's hyperbaric chamber when i need it?
==================================================================================
a thought hit me when i came off the bus tday. we are suckers fer technology, and i wonder why. we've been usin it fer so long, and perhaps we are coming to the point where if they all suddenly stopped working, or even worse, ran amok, we'd go "what do we do now?" don't get me wrong, technology has great use, and has done so much for ppl. but let's consider some of the typical technological marvels we have and typically use today:
apple and its related products in the music industry, such as the iPod, iTouch, etc has made entertainment portable, easy to access, and easy to buy as well as build and toy around with. great and all for personal entertainment, and even sharing with friends. but as i walk through boston common, or sit on the train, folks don't wanna communicate-they wanna be left alone. stimes they don't even notice the world around them with their earbuds jacked in. our own implicit form of isolation-same goes for cell phones.
personal computers have been faster, stronger, being able to hold, process data, organize many things, streamline us ideas and information on the internet, able to create many works of art. however, another isolationist tool. every one computer out there, unshared, owned, personalized, but guarded, and out of reach. even worse, as we use these tools, in our homes, in our workplaces...who's really using who here?
tv-broadcaster of entertainment since the death of the Golden Age of film. much like a gun, great in the right hands, deadly if not. folks glued to the couch, watching crappy sitcoms and other shows. a double shot to us, because not only are we harmed by its content, but also by the time wasting element. same for video games, and i partially know firsthand and from secondhand accounts.
the whole of our technology, without even realizing it, is that we're wiping out the face of humanity ever so slowly. one day it might be even that we become so comfortable with our lives, that we don't need other humans to function, sustain, or entertain ourselves; we'll get all our knowledge, enjoyment, our "life" from machines. this is what we must avoid-to not let us become the pet of the machines that we created so much to help us, that instead, they become the master technician.
====================================================================================
(wonders if this'll ever get to you in time...yknow, before i either get old and grey, or you fall off a cliff. )
Friday, March 26, 2010
shredded wheat, corn flakes, pepsi
earn my respect, and the world will be given to you. curse my name, and may you wallow in your own misery. simple motto to live by.
woke up this mornin, optin for a refreshin day, since i got more than enough sleep-throat still scratchy and dry. played some games fer a bit, and got into a little war with a guy, which i ended up winnin, purely by curiosity. headed out to ming's market to grab lunch, then to meet up allen at prudential.
some gaming convention is in town, so a lot of folks were at the prudential center. some guy went up to one of my acquaintances and asked him if he wanted to link pokewalkers together; i thought it seemed too much like gay bathhouse cruising. stuck round fer a bit, played some games and took care of some finances before headin to best buy to unwind.
gamed fer a bit, still need to work on hammer-offs more effectively, and also the rapid succession in the drums. ended up teachin a stranger how to play drums and guitar from very easy to the medium difficulty. left when i "needed to go"
back to base, makin dinner. gettin into scuffles with the wack person at home. simply i think she's gonna be forever unjoyful-the proverbial yin to my yang, in terms of emotion and hope. needin to figure out plans fer tmr, and hopefully there's no return of this abrupt winter.
====================================================================================
i... don't know how to take of kids that well. in my experience, i've worked with folks of many ages. wee ones of 5 and 6, to 3rd and 4th graders, to 6-8th, and older. what i do, i don't treat them as smaller, inferior, or less wiser. pretty much, they're the same as us old folks, cept a lil more..naive maybe?
tnight i was reminded of such when 3 separate age groups were tryin to play rock band. this lil kid was mindlessly bangin the drums. an older kid was hittin the drums, better than the other kid, cause he had a bit of rhythm but he was also a lil resilient to change. finally this other person, i was able to teach guitar and drums by changin their technique. it was pretty cool.
point is, i myself have got to learn how to change my own technique in dealing with folks. no "one size fits all" method can work fer people. guess i'm projectin too many of my own ideals, hopes and dreams onto others in my vision of what could be a better world onto folks, and... i guess all aren't ready or willin fer it at this point in their lives. maybe some day the right persons will understand my "method of madness", my lazy lunacy.
===================================================================================
not gonna resign myself to this fate of americanism. i love this land, and i love my people, but we've lost sight of what we really should be fighting for, some time ago....america, you gotta help yourself, before you go colonizing other lands again.
woke up this mornin, optin for a refreshin day, since i got more than enough sleep-throat still scratchy and dry. played some games fer a bit, and got into a little war with a guy, which i ended up winnin, purely by curiosity. headed out to ming's market to grab lunch, then to meet up allen at prudential.
some gaming convention is in town, so a lot of folks were at the prudential center. some guy went up to one of my acquaintances and asked him if he wanted to link pokewalkers together; i thought it seemed too much like gay bathhouse cruising. stuck round fer a bit, played some games and took care of some finances before headin to best buy to unwind.
gamed fer a bit, still need to work on hammer-offs more effectively, and also the rapid succession in the drums. ended up teachin a stranger how to play drums and guitar from very easy to the medium difficulty. left when i "needed to go"
back to base, makin dinner. gettin into scuffles with the wack person at home. simply i think she's gonna be forever unjoyful-the proverbial yin to my yang, in terms of emotion and hope. needin to figure out plans fer tmr, and hopefully there's no return of this abrupt winter.
====================================================================================
i... don't know how to take of kids that well. in my experience, i've worked with folks of many ages. wee ones of 5 and 6, to 3rd and 4th graders, to 6-8th, and older. what i do, i don't treat them as smaller, inferior, or less wiser. pretty much, they're the same as us old folks, cept a lil more..naive maybe?
tnight i was reminded of such when 3 separate age groups were tryin to play rock band. this lil kid was mindlessly bangin the drums. an older kid was hittin the drums, better than the other kid, cause he had a bit of rhythm but he was also a lil resilient to change. finally this other person, i was able to teach guitar and drums by changin their technique. it was pretty cool.
point is, i myself have got to learn how to change my own technique in dealing with folks. no "one size fits all" method can work fer people. guess i'm projectin too many of my own ideals, hopes and dreams onto others in my vision of what could be a better world onto folks, and... i guess all aren't ready or willin fer it at this point in their lives. maybe some day the right persons will understand my "method of madness", my lazy lunacy.
===================================================================================
not gonna resign myself to this fate of americanism. i love this land, and i love my people, but we've lost sight of what we really should be fighting for, some time ago....america, you gotta help yourself, before you go colonizing other lands again.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
shrreded wheats, non fructose corn syrup orange juice
being suck sicks. wait, lemme try that again...
in the magical world of sleep, i wake at my normal time. (which blows cause i was actually supposed to be at the state house this morning). played some games fer a bit, entertained allen while progressing in another game. still kinda broke, but a lil hopeful now that more "work" has come thru.
plowed through my readings pretty quick. also a quick wiki journey through world war 1 and 2 flying techniques, the history of tanks, some educational articles about cursing and a homosexual China. gettin really frustrated with what's goin down at home; the most toxic threat towards the welfare of this place is the person who actually lives in it.
====================================================================================
tnight i learned from the Bible a lil more bout God. in particular, it's that he has a sense of humor. dunno if it's crass, but the things that popped out were certainly blatant. guess it's in my best interest to see humor for how it presents itself best-naturally, not forced or set up, and also to parallel that need for independence in other aspects of my life.
some things gotta be said though, but you know it's from the heart, my true heart, and not the one that folks only want to hear or see or feel.
===================================================================================
think i'm done, in terms of waiting and wanting. you shrug me off, you don't give a man a second chance. your stuff is intentionally curt, and it throws me for a loop. either you don't know, or you don't care and frankly, yeah... i'm at a loss fer words.
in the magical world of sleep, i wake at my normal time. (which blows cause i was actually supposed to be at the state house this morning). played some games fer a bit, entertained allen while progressing in another game. still kinda broke, but a lil hopeful now that more "work" has come thru.
plowed through my readings pretty quick. also a quick wiki journey through world war 1 and 2 flying techniques, the history of tanks, some educational articles about cursing and a homosexual China. gettin really frustrated with what's goin down at home; the most toxic threat towards the welfare of this place is the person who actually lives in it.
====================================================================================
tnight i learned from the Bible a lil more bout God. in particular, it's that he has a sense of humor. dunno if it's crass, but the things that popped out were certainly blatant. guess it's in my best interest to see humor for how it presents itself best-naturally, not forced or set up, and also to parallel that need for independence in other aspects of my life.
some things gotta be said though, but you know it's from the heart, my true heart, and not the one that folks only want to hear or see or feel.
===================================================================================
think i'm done, in terms of waiting and wanting. you shrug me off, you don't give a man a second chance. your stuff is intentionally curt, and it throws me for a loop. either you don't know, or you don't care and frankly, yeah... i'm at a loss fer words.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
huge shredded wheats, orange juice
this cough is gonna get me in trouble. stupid seasonal bronchitis.
woke up feelin drowsy from last night. no weird dreams tday, but had a vision holding pocket jacks in early position. did the breakfast thing, spilt stuff all over the place, wheat pieces and oj everywhere. back in the day buffet wasn't that cool. did some gamin fer a bit, and now really startin to fall into my groove. filled a couple orders, and had some homemade dinner that i could put my stamp of approval on. did some wiki'n about old music stars, and fun songs, such as Chuck Berry's "My Ding-A-Ling".
headed out to CR, was able to break in some reading, help out folks, and kinda delve into other peoples' work life. tried somethin new tday that dunno, felt awkward at first, but hopefully it becomes more normal as such. it's so weird when we sang a praise song last week how folks would stand up for God, yet ironically most ppl were sitting....
discussion was aright. talked about what our devotions were, perhaps what's holdin us back, and also situations where we've both seen, needed, avoided, and embraced what remains true to us. great piece of wisdom drew from that is that devotion and commitment are not one and the same; i can be committed to my work, but not devoted, and the other way round.
came back to base, almost did somethin really stupid on the way back, but i guess thankfully those words didn't come out. after all, there's a first fer everything, simply though i'm not sure that person would be the first. makin some reheats on dinner, and hopin to sleep early tnight, so at the very least can heal up fer next couple days. feelin flabbish without any type of exercise.
===================================================================================
tday sam ng was in our CR small group; he said he was visiting. as long as i've known sam, i know what kinda guy he is. folks have his opinions on him. i do too, but that's another entry in another time. what's consistent about him though is that he always is a source of knowledge, or at the very least, intriguing things will be said by him.
tnight, he struck a mental chord in my mind with this phrase "devotion doesn't necessarily need love in it", or rather devotion and love wouldn't be one in the same. he said that from webster's dictionary, that there is no mention of the word love, or even the notion. so i sought out to find more information, and learn something, whether by truth or refuting.
the dictionary apparently makes a differentiation between devotion and devote. in the devote it mentioned a giving of resources, whereas devotion is more of the context of religious pursuit. they did mention however that it has to be an earnest giving and that it also tends to go in one particular direction. makes sense enough so far.
let's however take a crack at what is the most universal example of love, the desire fer the spouse, your soul mate, "the one". put yourself in a situation-what would you do to sustain, to have, to cherish and to keep this love goin? you'd put your all into it-time, resources, emotion, money, your being. is that not devoting yourself there? if i weren't devoted to my girl, would she think i loved her?
reverse it a bit, and let's see somethin that i devote my stuff to. time is our greatest asset, one of the few things we can control and choose how to direct in and out of our lives. my time right now, i place it in few things-books, my games, my people, my dreams, my God. do i love them? well, in certain places, they've given me heartbreak, disappointment, frustration, rage, and unfulfillment at least in a physical sense. but God, do i love them. why would i "waste" my time, doing something i didn't like, let alone, didn't love?
i suppose i could be devoted to something, such as an ideal, and not love it. could be pride, power, the american dream. feels narciscistic though, and only meant to sustain self through reciprocation. if these things get me another thing, such as security, recognition, peace, then, i will go for them, otherwise i will not pursue them when they burn me. that would be your devotion, witout love.
devotion-no matter how big the cost, how foolish it looks or seems, it feels right cause simply, it is right.
==================================================================================
tnight feelin alone still matters. but it's only the body that's got me down-f'my mind's connected to other folks, then we've beaten the forces that were out to stop us.
woke up feelin drowsy from last night. no weird dreams tday, but had a vision holding pocket jacks in early position. did the breakfast thing, spilt stuff all over the place, wheat pieces and oj everywhere. back in the day buffet wasn't that cool. did some gamin fer a bit, and now really startin to fall into my groove. filled a couple orders, and had some homemade dinner that i could put my stamp of approval on. did some wiki'n about old music stars, and fun songs, such as Chuck Berry's "My Ding-A-Ling".
headed out to CR, was able to break in some reading, help out folks, and kinda delve into other peoples' work life. tried somethin new tday that dunno, felt awkward at first, but hopefully it becomes more normal as such. it's so weird when we sang a praise song last week how folks would stand up for God, yet ironically most ppl were sitting....
discussion was aright. talked about what our devotions were, perhaps what's holdin us back, and also situations where we've both seen, needed, avoided, and embraced what remains true to us. great piece of wisdom drew from that is that devotion and commitment are not one and the same; i can be committed to my work, but not devoted, and the other way round.
came back to base, almost did somethin really stupid on the way back, but i guess thankfully those words didn't come out. after all, there's a first fer everything, simply though i'm not sure that person would be the first. makin some reheats on dinner, and hopin to sleep early tnight, so at the very least can heal up fer next couple days. feelin flabbish without any type of exercise.
===================================================================================
tday sam ng was in our CR small group; he said he was visiting. as long as i've known sam, i know what kinda guy he is. folks have his opinions on him. i do too, but that's another entry in another time. what's consistent about him though is that he always is a source of knowledge, or at the very least, intriguing things will be said by him.
tnight, he struck a mental chord in my mind with this phrase "devotion doesn't necessarily need love in it", or rather devotion and love wouldn't be one in the same. he said that from webster's dictionary, that there is no mention of the word love, or even the notion. so i sought out to find more information, and learn something, whether by truth or refuting.
the dictionary apparently makes a differentiation between devotion and devote. in the devote it mentioned a giving of resources, whereas devotion is more of the context of religious pursuit. they did mention however that it has to be an earnest giving and that it also tends to go in one particular direction. makes sense enough so far.
let's however take a crack at what is the most universal example of love, the desire fer the spouse, your soul mate, "the one". put yourself in a situation-what would you do to sustain, to have, to cherish and to keep this love goin? you'd put your all into it-time, resources, emotion, money, your being. is that not devoting yourself there? if i weren't devoted to my girl, would she think i loved her?
reverse it a bit, and let's see somethin that i devote my stuff to. time is our greatest asset, one of the few things we can control and choose how to direct in and out of our lives. my time right now, i place it in few things-books, my games, my people, my dreams, my God. do i love them? well, in certain places, they've given me heartbreak, disappointment, frustration, rage, and unfulfillment at least in a physical sense. but God, do i love them. why would i "waste" my time, doing something i didn't like, let alone, didn't love?
i suppose i could be devoted to something, such as an ideal, and not love it. could be pride, power, the american dream. feels narciscistic though, and only meant to sustain self through reciprocation. if these things get me another thing, such as security, recognition, peace, then, i will go for them, otherwise i will not pursue them when they burn me. that would be your devotion, witout love.
devotion-no matter how big the cost, how foolish it looks or seems, it feels right cause simply, it is right.
==================================================================================
tnight feelin alone still matters. but it's only the body that's got me down-f'my mind's connected to other folks, then we've beaten the forces that were out to stop us.
last of the sweet breads, orange juice
slightly irritated by this thing i have, and it's called a nose. always gets me trouble and into trouble.
woke up gettin screwed by the weather. decided not to head out so early fer ice cream, but ended up running a task for RunMyErrand.com (had to get some anise for someone in South Boston).
came back to base and played some games, unsuccessfully before headin out to get some ice cream at benjerry's with derek.
fergot to get dinner, so went to hong kong eatery, followed by headin to park plaza. pretty packed, got my first flavor "mint" chocolate chip, even though it clearly was not minty, or green. :(
trudgd through the rain to make it to prudential, where i got scoops number 2 and 3 of triple caramel chunk and phish food. overall, i'mma say that park plaza was better since it was smaller, and the help was more eye-candy. prudential's patrons were more to look at though.
came back to base again, and then played games till 4. think i've developed an obsession fer winning. my own AA later on, if i really need it.
===================================================================================
yesterday wasn't realy much of a thinking day. simply tired again.
===================================================================================
takin steps to make sure you really know that i'm takin steps. yea, it's gonna look scary, and i'm gonna look vulnerable, but, i think you already knew that. here i am, all of me.
woke up gettin screwed by the weather. decided not to head out so early fer ice cream, but ended up running a task for RunMyErrand.com (had to get some anise for someone in South Boston).
came back to base and played some games, unsuccessfully before headin out to get some ice cream at benjerry's with derek.
fergot to get dinner, so went to hong kong eatery, followed by headin to park plaza. pretty packed, got my first flavor "mint" chocolate chip, even though it clearly was not minty, or green. :(
trudgd through the rain to make it to prudential, where i got scoops number 2 and 3 of triple caramel chunk and phish food. overall, i'mma say that park plaza was better since it was smaller, and the help was more eye-candy. prudential's patrons were more to look at though.
came back to base again, and then played games till 4. think i've developed an obsession fer winning. my own AA later on, if i really need it.
===================================================================================
yesterday wasn't realy much of a thinking day. simply tired again.
===================================================================================
takin steps to make sure you really know that i'm takin steps. yea, it's gonna look scary, and i'm gonna look vulnerable, but, i think you already knew that. here i am, all of me.
Monday, March 22, 2010
2 shredded wheat, 2 dinner rolls, orange juice, 3 separate books.
think i got a cold from being outside tnight :( or the fact that i'm eating poorly right now.
tried to sleep early but couldn't. ended up havin a weird dream where i created my own super metroid stage to fight mother brain. played some games fer a bit, and cleared up the room in terms of products to get rid of. made some late lunch, then took a power nap, before doin some reading. saw the odd lights on the horizon of the city, so decided to go investigate, and to take a walk.
they're shootin some pilot for the ABC show "Boston's Finest" at union and shawmut ave. checked out the set; it's quite a lot of stuff fer a lil thing. saw a couple faces, learned a couple things about the biz, all while getting hungry. headed back to base, where i feel a cold comin on, and mosquito bites in odd places. the weather's gon continue like this later durin the week, and it's gon screw up my benjerry's run...
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readin 3 books right now: Crisis Intervention, the Holy Bible, and Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar. 3 different works of literature, presenting information from 3 separate topics, and drawing on 3 different sources. Crisis Intervention is about crises, the backgrounds, the signs, the types, how to avoid, etc etc. the Holy Bible is the staple book of the Christian faith. Plato and a Platypus is about different facets of philosophy interspersed with humor and a humorist prospective.
twerkin my mind to adapt and learn different ideas, but also refreshing since i'm not putting all my entertainment eggs in one basket. tnight the readings were kinda related, which was pretty cool. A brief summary of what was read is in revelation below.
From CI:
Elderly abuse is something perhaps all too common in today's world. The propensity of violence in the average American citizen, coupled by the rising dependency on caretakers and the inability to perform certain tasks as well as an increasing scarcity of resources all contribute to greater instances of abuse/neglect. It is also the case that the elderly are acquiescing to such treatment, either by actively or passively allowing it. Furthermore it is often the case that police intervention and social services intervene in order to stop further acts of mistreatment.
From HB:
Tnight i learned about the ancestry of a people who were scattered among the Earth after God thought they could grow to be too prideful. Abram was the key figure who lived many years, and grew to be highly respected. In his eighties, he wondered how he could give birth to many generations, not having any children. He felt helpless, so he called out to God. God answered him by saying he would have as many offspring as stars in the sky. Puzzled, perplexed, Abram was dependent on Him. The answer had not come yet, but God seems to carry out his promises.
From PaP:
Metaphysics is the study of literally anything beyond physics. It is said that it was given this name because the chapter in study was literally the next, beyond the chapter of Physics. Topics of Teleology (one's true meaning versus a meaning ascribed to himself), Essentialism (what makes something what is is, instead of what does not make something it's not), Rationalism (reasoning is more important to gaining knowledge than merely through the senses), Infinity and Eternity (in a relative sense), Determinism versus Free Will (independent choices as opposed to only one path), Process Philosophy (that the future determines us and not the other way around), and the Principle of Parsimony (the simplest explanation is usually the best) are covered.
combining all three of these together, it is perhaps the case that as we grow elderly that we look to the stars to understand what is our destiny. in the grand scheme of things, we may feel powerless, unable to change things, or accept that change is occuring. it would be best to understand what is going to remain constant in the future, particularly who we essentially are, to look for the best in this world, and question the things around us but not to the point of hyperscrupulousness.
===================================================================================
the weather was not meant to destroy our spirits. since when do you put a face on a cloud? (and no, super mario doesn't count...)
tried to sleep early but couldn't. ended up havin a weird dream where i created my own super metroid stage to fight mother brain. played some games fer a bit, and cleared up the room in terms of products to get rid of. made some late lunch, then took a power nap, before doin some reading. saw the odd lights on the horizon of the city, so decided to go investigate, and to take a walk.
they're shootin some pilot for the ABC show "Boston's Finest" at union and shawmut ave. checked out the set; it's quite a lot of stuff fer a lil thing. saw a couple faces, learned a couple things about the biz, all while getting hungry. headed back to base, where i feel a cold comin on, and mosquito bites in odd places. the weather's gon continue like this later durin the week, and it's gon screw up my benjerry's run...
===================================================================================
readin 3 books right now: Crisis Intervention, the Holy Bible, and Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar. 3 different works of literature, presenting information from 3 separate topics, and drawing on 3 different sources. Crisis Intervention is about crises, the backgrounds, the signs, the types, how to avoid, etc etc. the Holy Bible is the staple book of the Christian faith. Plato and a Platypus is about different facets of philosophy interspersed with humor and a humorist prospective.
twerkin my mind to adapt and learn different ideas, but also refreshing since i'm not putting all my entertainment eggs in one basket. tnight the readings were kinda related, which was pretty cool. A brief summary of what was read is in revelation below.
From CI:
Elderly abuse is something perhaps all too common in today's world. The propensity of violence in the average American citizen, coupled by the rising dependency on caretakers and the inability to perform certain tasks as well as an increasing scarcity of resources all contribute to greater instances of abuse/neglect. It is also the case that the elderly are acquiescing to such treatment, either by actively or passively allowing it. Furthermore it is often the case that police intervention and social services intervene in order to stop further acts of mistreatment.
From HB:
Tnight i learned about the ancestry of a people who were scattered among the Earth after God thought they could grow to be too prideful. Abram was the key figure who lived many years, and grew to be highly respected. In his eighties, he wondered how he could give birth to many generations, not having any children. He felt helpless, so he called out to God. God answered him by saying he would have as many offspring as stars in the sky. Puzzled, perplexed, Abram was dependent on Him. The answer had not come yet, but God seems to carry out his promises.
From PaP:
Metaphysics is the study of literally anything beyond physics. It is said that it was given this name because the chapter in study was literally the next, beyond the chapter of Physics. Topics of Teleology (one's true meaning versus a meaning ascribed to himself), Essentialism (what makes something what is is, instead of what does not make something it's not), Rationalism (reasoning is more important to gaining knowledge than merely through the senses), Infinity and Eternity (in a relative sense), Determinism versus Free Will (independent choices as opposed to only one path), Process Philosophy (that the future determines us and not the other way around), and the Principle of Parsimony (the simplest explanation is usually the best) are covered.
combining all three of these together, it is perhaps the case that as we grow elderly that we look to the stars to understand what is our destiny. in the grand scheme of things, we may feel powerless, unable to change things, or accept that change is occuring. it would be best to understand what is going to remain constant in the future, particularly who we essentially are, to look for the best in this world, and question the things around us but not to the point of hyperscrupulousness.
===================================================================================
the weather was not meant to destroy our spirits. since when do you put a face on a cloud? (and no, super mario doesn't count...)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
ja leun, air
man, brushin the teeth really clears the cobwebs, even though the eyes feel heavy.
woke up this mornin screwed from bad sleep. service was arigh, challenged us to understand what our devotions were to. seemed like a reminder of destroying our idols and telling us what or rather who is more important. headed off to the cafe sunday schol fer a bit, then back to the music room. followed it up with lunch at pho pasteur with folks from ss, then headed back to church.
pretty much messin around on the old super nintendo, playin such classics as TMNT fighters and Street Fighter. some bang! as well, before headin back to base to pick up a sweater and seein the spectacle at andy's place.
the last couple of hours there, played more bang!, ate pizza, and watched the disaster zone of kirklin's hair being made. various cracks about what it looked like as well as small commentaries about the process.
some night end preparations before goin to bed. feelin really tired, and not feelin motivated as much fer tmr mornin. books will not give me solace.
====================================================================================
feelin the fatigue now. guess the most pressing thought for this entry/session was trying to incorporate another poem into my writing. would have integrated the happenings of tday, and a lil more indepth of what really goes on in my mind. but the world right now doesn't want it, nor do my friends really need it, so i'll leave the quality away fer now, until ones are really seeking.
====================================================================================
engagement in the human condition-not what i'm doing now, but one day hope to accomplish. to be, but not be a part of.
woke up this mornin screwed from bad sleep. service was arigh, challenged us to understand what our devotions were to. seemed like a reminder of destroying our idols and telling us what or rather who is more important. headed off to the cafe sunday schol fer a bit, then back to the music room. followed it up with lunch at pho pasteur with folks from ss, then headed back to church.
pretty much messin around on the old super nintendo, playin such classics as TMNT fighters and Street Fighter. some bang! as well, before headin back to base to pick up a sweater and seein the spectacle at andy's place.
the last couple of hours there, played more bang!, ate pizza, and watched the disaster zone of kirklin's hair being made. various cracks about what it looked like as well as small commentaries about the process.
some night end preparations before goin to bed. feelin really tired, and not feelin motivated as much fer tmr mornin. books will not give me solace.
====================================================================================
feelin the fatigue now. guess the most pressing thought for this entry/session was trying to incorporate another poem into my writing. would have integrated the happenings of tday, and a lil more indepth of what really goes on in my mind. but the world right now doesn't want it, nor do my friends really need it, so i'll leave the quality away fer now, until ones are really seeking.
====================================================================================
engagement in the human condition-not what i'm doing now, but one day hope to accomplish. to be, but not be a part of.
Friday, March 19, 2010
orange juice, 3 dinner rolls, air
thinkin of ways now to cover my crappy haircut, and i'm all out of tasteful hats. du-rag city in 5, 4, 3...
was about to get up and go to the commonwealth seminar, but decided to make love to my bed. the affair continued until 11:30, with which i was still tired from :( played some games fer a bit, then did some meditating.
headed out to Simmons College fer some spring rolls, but to my disappointment, they weren't made, nor were there folks there. jetted to best buy instead, played rockband until the wee hours of the night, then headed back to base.
more gamin, more catchin up, more confusion in my mind, and generally displeased with how life's goin right now. the sun sucks, not cause it's such a drastic contrast on life now, but cause of apparent spots in my vision now. oh yeah, and the general contrast on life.
===================================================================================
tday, i reaffirmed what should be part of my ministry, if you could so call it.
the past couple of days, i've been accomplishing small things behind the scenes. no one knows how they happen, but the area people are part of, is better, and they don't second guess themselves for it. guess they're nothing significant, or worth noting, but for now that's how it fills up.
the most important part that i discovered is more of the time element. everyone says it's worth the same as money, if not more. in both ways, i am here to contribute in that aspect. the main credo right now is that I will promise myself enough time for servitude, 24/7. there is never a spot when i will have to say, "no i don't have time to help" and that it's always accessible. the other part of it is the constructive time use. not only will the help be available, but it'll save others time in the process.
be it things small, misunderstood, undeveloped, and undelivered, the services offered are ones to close that gap. accomplishment will come quicker, better, and with more of a personal touch. as Common said, this letter's "signed,sealed and delivered", cept i haven't been waitin to send it. waitin for someone to take me up on my offer.
===================================================================================
there are 3 types of folks i know right now, and perhaps you are the worst. why is this? it's cause you've been giving the impression of pushing us away. in all fairness, i did the same couple years back, but it was to protect you from a greater evil. that didn't mean that i wasn't wantin to embark on a path with you; it only meant that i wasn't ready to expose you to truer evil.
was about to get up and go to the commonwealth seminar, but decided to make love to my bed. the affair continued until 11:30, with which i was still tired from :( played some games fer a bit, then did some meditating.
headed out to Simmons College fer some spring rolls, but to my disappointment, they weren't made, nor were there folks there. jetted to best buy instead, played rockband until the wee hours of the night, then headed back to base.
more gamin, more catchin up, more confusion in my mind, and generally displeased with how life's goin right now. the sun sucks, not cause it's such a drastic contrast on life now, but cause of apparent spots in my vision now. oh yeah, and the general contrast on life.
===================================================================================
tday, i reaffirmed what should be part of my ministry, if you could so call it.
the past couple of days, i've been accomplishing small things behind the scenes. no one knows how they happen, but the area people are part of, is better, and they don't second guess themselves for it. guess they're nothing significant, or worth noting, but for now that's how it fills up.
the most important part that i discovered is more of the time element. everyone says it's worth the same as money, if not more. in both ways, i am here to contribute in that aspect. the main credo right now is that I will promise myself enough time for servitude, 24/7. there is never a spot when i will have to say, "no i don't have time to help" and that it's always accessible. the other part of it is the constructive time use. not only will the help be available, but it'll save others time in the process.
be it things small, misunderstood, undeveloped, and undelivered, the services offered are ones to close that gap. accomplishment will come quicker, better, and with more of a personal touch. as Common said, this letter's "signed,sealed and delivered", cept i haven't been waitin to send it. waitin for someone to take me up on my offer.
===================================================================================
there are 3 types of folks i know right now, and perhaps you are the worst. why is this? it's cause you've been giving the impression of pushing us away. in all fairness, i did the same couple years back, but it was to protect you from a greater evil. that didn't mean that i wasn't wantin to embark on a path with you; it only meant that i wasn't ready to expose you to truer evil.
Train, Train, Go Away.
first time for everything, except buttsex. that's a no-no.
so this'll be an early foray into "artistic expression". it'll be a way to integrate a lot of functions and forms that i particularly like, such as hip-hop, older pop culture, and the life journey i go through, even if it's not over-laden with work and parties.
what i noticed primarily from last night is that folks were always tryin to say something else, to draw something bigger, to grab the message between the lines. i recognize the validity of that in order to increase the content and importance of a piece, but stimes, like Freud said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". stimes, we have to know that simplicity and what we see may simply be what it is, and not every adventure has to be one of epic proportions.
and so on that particular note, here is the start of what may be a collision course into ridicule, lulz, triumph, or massive clutter of the internets.
Train, Train, Go Away
=====================
Back on the train tonight, as many nights before.
Where did my journey take place this time? What purpose did I have to leave my place called home, to travel to unknown regions far and inconvenient?
Those questions in the grand scheme of things-irrelevant, for the reflection of those events that matter more.
Few if any folks are in this car, and even fewer were at the station.
We pull up to a more populated locale, and seats start to fill up.
Many a person here now, and their existence as temporary appearances intrigue me.
What is their story? Why are they here? Who are they, and what are they wanting?
Their clothes, their behavior, their language and speech, give us a clue.
Incomplete, or inaccurate it may be, but our faculties can only assume otherwise.
Above all, what catches my eye are ironically enough their eyes.
Windows to the soul, hypnotic and alluring, objects of beauty, but as they say, roses have thorns too.
They tell me the truth; the furrow of the brow in confusion and contemplation, the redirect showing disgust and disdain, the quick glance noticing the nice body part of the minute; these mere commonalities of action remind me how human we really are.
As i pan out, regather my thoughts, collaborate the stories, i notice tonight something different, something more pressing than ever before.
That patrons of the train are together drawn, in a big tin can, with wheels and science.
People are placed together involuntarily, setting apart small differences in order to travel to their final destinations.
We are interlocked and subjected, humbled to the same forces, unified in our desires to get somewhere, anywhere even.
Then i realize that a train is a perfect phallic representation.
The classic example; this vessel does enter long dark tunnels.
Even more so are these people; men and women of different lineages, nations and generations.
They are the seed of life, spreading forth far and wide, fulfilling the purpose they know, their own telos.
The stations are the recipient receptacle; indeed this train comes and goes.
Mind blowing as it is, I cannot indulge in thought any longer.
My own time has come, my departure is now imminent.
I as one of many, now javascript:void(0)returning to their own base.
Escape now I have from that mental prison, that mob on roller skates.
Until I reach the bus...
so this'll be an early foray into "artistic expression". it'll be a way to integrate a lot of functions and forms that i particularly like, such as hip-hop, older pop culture, and the life journey i go through, even if it's not over-laden with work and parties.
what i noticed primarily from last night is that folks were always tryin to say something else, to draw something bigger, to grab the message between the lines. i recognize the validity of that in order to increase the content and importance of a piece, but stimes, like Freud said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". stimes, we have to know that simplicity and what we see may simply be what it is, and not every adventure has to be one of epic proportions.
and so on that particular note, here is the start of what may be a collision course into ridicule, lulz, triumph, or massive clutter of the internets.
Train, Train, Go Away
=====================
Back on the train tonight, as many nights before.
Where did my journey take place this time? What purpose did I have to leave my place called home, to travel to unknown regions far and inconvenient?
Those questions in the grand scheme of things-irrelevant, for the reflection of those events that matter more.
Few if any folks are in this car, and even fewer were at the station.
We pull up to a more populated locale, and seats start to fill up.
Many a person here now, and their existence as temporary appearances intrigue me.
What is their story? Why are they here? Who are they, and what are they wanting?
Their clothes, their behavior, their language and speech, give us a clue.
Incomplete, or inaccurate it may be, but our faculties can only assume otherwise.
Above all, what catches my eye are ironically enough their eyes.
Windows to the soul, hypnotic and alluring, objects of beauty, but as they say, roses have thorns too.
They tell me the truth; the furrow of the brow in confusion and contemplation, the redirect showing disgust and disdain, the quick glance noticing the nice body part of the minute; these mere commonalities of action remind me how human we really are.
As i pan out, regather my thoughts, collaborate the stories, i notice tonight something different, something more pressing than ever before.
That patrons of the train are together drawn, in a big tin can, with wheels and science.
People are placed together involuntarily, setting apart small differences in order to travel to their final destinations.
We are interlocked and subjected, humbled to the same forces, unified in our desires to get somewhere, anywhere even.
Then i realize that a train is a perfect phallic representation.
The classic example; this vessel does enter long dark tunnels.
Even more so are these people; men and women of different lineages, nations and generations.
They are the seed of life, spreading forth far and wide, fulfilling the purpose they know, their own telos.
The stations are the recipient receptacle; indeed this train comes and goes.
Mind blowing as it is, I cannot indulge in thought any longer.
My own time has come, my departure is now imminent.
I as one of many, now javascript:void(0)returning to their own base.
Escape now I have from that mental prison, that mob on roller skates.
Until I reach the bus...
3 dinner rolls, orange juice, Plato and a Platypus walk into a bar
the get out of shower-fresh feeling that i get, state of mind feels clear, feels like life is painless. the nudity part though, not sure if that's required. perhaps it's the feeling of clothes on afterwards that is so good.
felt really restless this morn. thought i woke up and overslept, but rembered that i set the alarm correctly. went back to sleep and rewoke later, was still 10 am. pretty much burned the morning through reading, playing, and hosting. in debt a lil more fer a lil bit, and hopin for larger returns down the road. power nap until 5ish, gamed some more, ate some more until 7ish.
headed out to tufts territory fer a poetry thing that a friend was in. the night was unsettlin due to lack of controllable transportation and standin up for 2 hours. each presenter was pretty good-some focused on lyrical content, others on metaphors, and still more others drawing from personal experience. messages that they wanted to share, pull together, and be unified as one people. the main event, Beau Sia, was pretty cool; challenging and insightful, entertaining too.
friend didn't win, and was gettin late so i headed back to base. took a shower to get rid of the hathead. now doin my nightly followthroughs, and preppin fer tmr's day 2 of the commonwealth seminar. time to destroy my confidence level entirely :)
==================================================================================
a lil C and P from my blackberry, some content edited until the truer folks come into my life.
sooner or later, i gotta realize that i, am the force needed to live on. don't know how to exist without letting someone be a receptacle to what i can accomplish. life feels empty without acknowledgment.
no one wants to die silent, but no one wants to live silent either. inside, a scream with despair and unfulfilled hope. it is not satisfactory that internally there is little progress in the element of human closeness, relationally and socially. discontent and disconnect in my heart leads me to question more and more of my fight.
i am pained internally, for i see little development in roads about. it is not the fact that people may attribute my actions to lunacy. if is the fact that simply folks do not care or acknowledge the struggle that i trudge through, in order to "make a better world"
i realize that in this time, i myself must give accolades to ones who are supporting me now. odd that i treat most of them like crap, in so many little ways. what do i have to gain from this antagonism except release, an outlet for happiness not attained? how creative can i be to mock, to knock down a brother, human being, yet go forth fighting for others? perhaps now is a time for atonement for such behaviors, instead of pure concern for the human condition.
(after the C and P, i see that this can sound much like a soapbox rant. in the stage of my mind though, there's only 1 speaker, and 1 audience member.)
===================================================================================
purity comes in many forms. people do not ever think that the last form is evil.
felt really restless this morn. thought i woke up and overslept, but rembered that i set the alarm correctly. went back to sleep and rewoke later, was still 10 am. pretty much burned the morning through reading, playing, and hosting. in debt a lil more fer a lil bit, and hopin for larger returns down the road. power nap until 5ish, gamed some more, ate some more until 7ish.
headed out to tufts territory fer a poetry thing that a friend was in. the night was unsettlin due to lack of controllable transportation and standin up for 2 hours. each presenter was pretty good-some focused on lyrical content, others on metaphors, and still more others drawing from personal experience. messages that they wanted to share, pull together, and be unified as one people. the main event, Beau Sia, was pretty cool; challenging and insightful, entertaining too.
friend didn't win, and was gettin late so i headed back to base. took a shower to get rid of the hathead. now doin my nightly followthroughs, and preppin fer tmr's day 2 of the commonwealth seminar. time to destroy my confidence level entirely :)
==================================================================================
a lil C and P from my blackberry, some content edited until the truer folks come into my life.
sooner or later, i gotta realize that i, am the force needed to live on. don't know how to exist without letting someone be a receptacle to what i can accomplish. life feels empty without acknowledgment.
no one wants to die silent, but no one wants to live silent either. inside, a scream with despair and unfulfilled hope. it is not satisfactory that internally there is little progress in the element of human closeness, relationally and socially. discontent and disconnect in my heart leads me to question more and more of my fight.
i am pained internally, for i see little development in roads about. it is not the fact that people may attribute my actions to lunacy. if is the fact that simply folks do not care or acknowledge the struggle that i trudge through, in order to "make a better world"
i realize that in this time, i myself must give accolades to ones who are supporting me now. odd that i treat most of them like crap, in so many little ways. what do i have to gain from this antagonism except release, an outlet for happiness not attained? how creative can i be to mock, to knock down a brother, human being, yet go forth fighting for others? perhaps now is a time for atonement for such behaviors, instead of pure concern for the human condition.
(after the C and P, i see that this can sound much like a soapbox rant. in the stage of my mind though, there's only 1 speaker, and 1 audience member.)
===================================================================================
purity comes in many forms. people do not ever think that the last form is evil.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
2 dinner rolls, 2 baby ruths
i write in the night with the lights on, so that i know for sure when my fears are gone. not tonight tomorrow yesterday but when, until my hopes, my dreams are alive again. (another bad shot at entering the hip-hop scene, will get better at it soon enough)
woke up early to prep and go to an interview at drydock for a supervisor position. tanked it, a lil disappointed but a lil humbled as well. back to base, some reading and music, some tasks involving student loans, and replanning the rest of the day.
headed out to prudential, no one was there, so headed to best buy to jam out on lego rock band. came back, traded fer a bit, reconnected with some folks i haven't seen in a while. collected my debts, talked to some local shaw's strikers, then back to base fer quick dinner.
headed out to CR early to tinker with the piano and do other things, but the music team was downstairs, so treated myself to an amateur concert. ran thru the rest of the night talking about perceptions of Christianity, and how our experiences have shaped or devoided us of our dreams.
after CR, went to Kaze Shabu Shabu with some small group members. pretty much sat thru it, avoiding television, watchin the drunk guy on our right, and learnin both more about humanity and my people. as it runs thru my head, the vast amount of conversation that was spoken compares little to what runs on in my mind.
walked back to base, nothin out of the ordinary. maybe feelin a lil gassy from the squid-nothin wrong with that. meditatin bout how to conduct myself for the next couple days without going broke or overexhausted.
===================================================================================
my dream, i've set in stone. i know the idea of what i want to do, but i don't know what position i want to have in order to do it. in my mind, i know i want to be on top, in the limelight, in order to bring change. prolem is i see myself, receding into myself when there are only a few players left. in the sea of anonymity, i will rise with a voice and a distinction, but when the opponents are few and familiar, i crack.
to know how to beat this, i've been listening to folks a lot more. and what they're telling me, is what i know, and more of the same in a good way. reinforcing and reminding me what i've been looking for my life, and also what matters to others, what i should be fighting for.
i take a look at my life and realize it's not very interesting, and that the flavor of my life comes from the stories, the mishaps, the colorful surroundings and the nuggets of gold i can extract from it. a big picture guy if you may, but shrouded in secrecy.
i dream of something big, something massive, something that'll simply utilize the status quo and make something of life proper. there's only a couple things that are in the way. one is folks who won't go as far as they say they will or ought to, and the other is the lack of hope from even the closest of confidants. this is my pain, my bearing, my load to carry. in this aspect, i need to be of a superman.
tonight was not my center stage, nor in any remembrance will it ever. perhaps every night is not a right night. but, every night can be a better night, and if that's what it takes to get there, then walking through the blizzard i will.
====================================================================================
the skill of obtaining understanding in the world, an obsession, a craving to me, but am starting to see that having this understanding is scaring folks away because it presents itself as something else entirely. need igniters of truth, folks who are wanting to go the true extra mile.
woke up early to prep and go to an interview at drydock for a supervisor position. tanked it, a lil disappointed but a lil humbled as well. back to base, some reading and music, some tasks involving student loans, and replanning the rest of the day.
headed out to prudential, no one was there, so headed to best buy to jam out on lego rock band. came back, traded fer a bit, reconnected with some folks i haven't seen in a while. collected my debts, talked to some local shaw's strikers, then back to base fer quick dinner.
headed out to CR early to tinker with the piano and do other things, but the music team was downstairs, so treated myself to an amateur concert. ran thru the rest of the night talking about perceptions of Christianity, and how our experiences have shaped or devoided us of our dreams.
after CR, went to Kaze Shabu Shabu with some small group members. pretty much sat thru it, avoiding television, watchin the drunk guy on our right, and learnin both more about humanity and my people. as it runs thru my head, the vast amount of conversation that was spoken compares little to what runs on in my mind.
walked back to base, nothin out of the ordinary. maybe feelin a lil gassy from the squid-nothin wrong with that. meditatin bout how to conduct myself for the next couple days without going broke or overexhausted.
===================================================================================
my dream, i've set in stone. i know the idea of what i want to do, but i don't know what position i want to have in order to do it. in my mind, i know i want to be on top, in the limelight, in order to bring change. prolem is i see myself, receding into myself when there are only a few players left. in the sea of anonymity, i will rise with a voice and a distinction, but when the opponents are few and familiar, i crack.
to know how to beat this, i've been listening to folks a lot more. and what they're telling me, is what i know, and more of the same in a good way. reinforcing and reminding me what i've been looking for my life, and also what matters to others, what i should be fighting for.
i take a look at my life and realize it's not very interesting, and that the flavor of my life comes from the stories, the mishaps, the colorful surroundings and the nuggets of gold i can extract from it. a big picture guy if you may, but shrouded in secrecy.
i dream of something big, something massive, something that'll simply utilize the status quo and make something of life proper. there's only a couple things that are in the way. one is folks who won't go as far as they say they will or ought to, and the other is the lack of hope from even the closest of confidants. this is my pain, my bearing, my load to carry. in this aspect, i need to be of a superman.
tonight was not my center stage, nor in any remembrance will it ever. perhaps every night is not a right night. but, every night can be a better night, and if that's what it takes to get there, then walking through the blizzard i will.
====================================================================================
the skill of obtaining understanding in the world, an obsession, a craving to me, but am starting to see that having this understanding is scaring folks away because it presents itself as something else entirely. need igniters of truth, folks who are wanting to go the true extra mile.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
stupid "fresh bread", sweet tea
(wishes that he had more, so that he had more to give)
hammered out some reading and talkin to a friend that put me oertime for sleep. woken up by a friend in the wee mornin. couple hours later, someone busts through my room, remarking that i'm still in bed. dunno what time that was, but most prolly some stupid time, like say 7 am.
finally rewoken at the right time by alarms, took care of the menial things in this prison cell of mine. breakfast was very dry and 7 eleven reworked their shelvings, leavin me flustered fer a bit. played games fer a while, and sent a follow up letter to PSI. saw that my friend's auction was now overbid, so decided to head to bank. found out that once again i'm broke.
some reading, some cleaning, some exercise. unexpected call during mass dinnertime, apparently a job interview tmr morning. talked with a couple more friends while generally burning time and feelin bored. needin to have a battle plan fer tmr regarding all meetings and how to unwind.
====================================================================================
not much to say here tday, except know how to manage your time.
====================================================================================
having no interest in my own life, i need something else to lavish efforts upon. countdown insanity in 3, 2, 2 and a half...
hammered out some reading and talkin to a friend that put me oertime for sleep. woken up by a friend in the wee mornin. couple hours later, someone busts through my room, remarking that i'm still in bed. dunno what time that was, but most prolly some stupid time, like say 7 am.
finally rewoken at the right time by alarms, took care of the menial things in this prison cell of mine. breakfast was very dry and 7 eleven reworked their shelvings, leavin me flustered fer a bit. played games fer a while, and sent a follow up letter to PSI. saw that my friend's auction was now overbid, so decided to head to bank. found out that once again i'm broke.
some reading, some cleaning, some exercise. unexpected call during mass dinnertime, apparently a job interview tmr morning. talked with a couple more friends while generally burning time and feelin bored. needin to have a battle plan fer tmr regarding all meetings and how to unwind.
====================================================================================
not much to say here tday, except know how to manage your time.
====================================================================================
having no interest in my own life, i need something else to lavish efforts upon. countdown insanity in 3, 2, 2 and a half...
cinnamon raisin bagels, orange juice
determined to write an entry every time i step foot outside of base. only limited by my motivation-on a stormy day, i head out; on a sunny day, i stay in? who knows...
woke up this morn, kinda struggling from how bad the day turned out yday. continued the funfest by making and partially burning breakfast. nothing was particularly good to hear on the Back in the Day Buffet today. played for a lil bit, went out to Ming's to grab lunch. entertained my normal guests by watching them play pokemon heart gold and soul silver. broke out the old red, yellow and blue versions-made my snorlax metronome itself into a self-destruct.
took a power nap, was a bit groggy afterwards. showered up and continued thru the night, catching up on reading, catching up with a friend, and generally meditating on life right now. the rain has dampered my spirits, only because other folks have been affected. hopfly i can restore that book back to a decent part of its former glory; literally, it was new the day before.
===================================================================================
this short day reminded me that i love to think and do. doing things never really gave me the thrill or satisfaction of anything, other than the fact of checking it off my list. to run through crowds, yelling profanities and rickrolling others in the process; sure, it is fun, but with no thought attached to it, it's merely biding time until the final destination.
conceptually, i don't think i was meant to do these normal day routines. my spirit, my craving is not for the 9-5, come back home, rinse and repeat. my calling is somwhere out there, and it smarks of irregularities. perhaps it is the emotion in me calling, perhaps it is the thought that one has their duties 24/7. unsure, and somwhat unaware of the hurt and the opportunities to serve, to remedy, to cause chaos, to grasp a deeper understanding of folks, feelings, and frailties abundant.
perhaps right now, i am writing of this in search for attention. that the basic needs of a human existence are not met, and that my being is wanting to draw closer to others, the human goop, the original source. rather, as if those thoughts are tugging at me now, it is more wanting of others to be aware, and also writing of what is true and truth. to press on daily and dearly, to catalog and chronicle the struggle and path to triumph, the proof in the pudding to show that budding success stories do not happen overnight, nor are they only reserved to the supermen of society, or that righteousness lie only in riches.
from futility to humility, to grievances alike (crap, there was a good rap line i was thinking of creating there, oh well). let's simply say, that i'm in it for the long haul, and that may my life efforts now, however minuscule and insignificant they may seem, be a testament to a greater life down the line.
====================================================================================
when we can finally realize we, stripped down of power, material, and status are from the same cloth, then we can tackle those problems that plague all of us.
woke up this morn, kinda struggling from how bad the day turned out yday. continued the funfest by making and partially burning breakfast. nothing was particularly good to hear on the Back in the Day Buffet today. played for a lil bit, went out to Ming's to grab lunch. entertained my normal guests by watching them play pokemon heart gold and soul silver. broke out the old red, yellow and blue versions-made my snorlax metronome itself into a self-destruct.
took a power nap, was a bit groggy afterwards. showered up and continued thru the night, catching up on reading, catching up with a friend, and generally meditating on life right now. the rain has dampered my spirits, only because other folks have been affected. hopfly i can restore that book back to a decent part of its former glory; literally, it was new the day before.
===================================================================================
this short day reminded me that i love to think and do. doing things never really gave me the thrill or satisfaction of anything, other than the fact of checking it off my list. to run through crowds, yelling profanities and rickrolling others in the process; sure, it is fun, but with no thought attached to it, it's merely biding time until the final destination.
conceptually, i don't think i was meant to do these normal day routines. my spirit, my craving is not for the 9-5, come back home, rinse and repeat. my calling is somwhere out there, and it smarks of irregularities. perhaps it is the emotion in me calling, perhaps it is the thought that one has their duties 24/7. unsure, and somwhat unaware of the hurt and the opportunities to serve, to remedy, to cause chaos, to grasp a deeper understanding of folks, feelings, and frailties abundant.
perhaps right now, i am writing of this in search for attention. that the basic needs of a human existence are not met, and that my being is wanting to draw closer to others, the human goop, the original source. rather, as if those thoughts are tugging at me now, it is more wanting of others to be aware, and also writing of what is true and truth. to press on daily and dearly, to catalog and chronicle the struggle and path to triumph, the proof in the pudding to show that budding success stories do not happen overnight, nor are they only reserved to the supermen of society, or that righteousness lie only in riches.
from futility to humility, to grievances alike (crap, there was a good rap line i was thinking of creating there, oh well). let's simply say, that i'm in it for the long haul, and that may my life efforts now, however minuscule and insignificant they may seem, be a testament to a greater life down the line.
====================================================================================
when we can finally realize we, stripped down of power, material, and status are from the same cloth, then we can tackle those problems that plague all of us.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
one really crappy day-screw you rainstorm.
and i know it's going to get worse, with 10 hours to go.
wake up with not enough sleep due to daylight savings time.
only pair of socks that match and are left are the dress socks.
breakfast from may's has too many scallions in it.
friend requests i pick up something for them at downtown.
raspberry snapple + breakfast = bad gut feeling.
bad times at sunday school.
no one around to hang out either fer lunch or doing whatever.
realizing am broke, and did not have lunch yet.
headed to downtown, no figurine that comes with the game.
head back to church, no one there.
go to new england medical center, train acts odd, stops about 50 feet into the station.
go to barnes and nobles, my book isn't there.
am down 25 dollars until wednesday, if it pans out.
no buses coming down the street, have to walk back to base.
shoes are being dripped through, and go through my socks.
back to base, find out everything destroyed in backpack, including notes except Bible.
reheating leftovers, the pan is nonstick on the OUTSIDE. sliding across my stove.
still haven't eaten lunch yet.
find out lunch is partially burnt.
the crapfest will continue.
wake up with not enough sleep due to daylight savings time.
only pair of socks that match and are left are the dress socks.
breakfast from may's has too many scallions in it.
friend requests i pick up something for them at downtown.
raspberry snapple + breakfast = bad gut feeling.
bad times at sunday school.
no one around to hang out either fer lunch or doing whatever.
realizing am broke, and did not have lunch yet.
headed to downtown, no figurine that comes with the game.
head back to church, no one there.
go to new england medical center, train acts odd, stops about 50 feet into the station.
go to barnes and nobles, my book isn't there.
am down 25 dollars until wednesday, if it pans out.
no buses coming down the street, have to walk back to base.
shoes are being dripped through, and go through my socks.
back to base, find out everything destroyed in backpack, including notes except Bible.
reheating leftovers, the pan is nonstick on the OUTSIDE. sliding across my stove.
still haven't eaten lunch yet.
find out lunch is partially burnt.
the crapfest will continue.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
chinese egg mcsausage, rice
clarity feels damn good. still not sure why folks love to get high.
woke up this morn by a random dream involvin me as a scrabble representative of our region. fer some reason i held an S as my last tile, so i prolly was smokin somethin heinous in that dream world. familiar faces too, but the weirdest thing was that when i woke up, was talkin in some russian knockoff accent. still was doin that the whole day, on and off.
played some games, collected some money, got cussed at cause folks get parking tickets and i'm a cop, fer no logical reason. at 5ish, was playin phone tag with folks from smallgroup bout dinner and whatnot. decided to go to b-good fer some reason, and i'm ner goin to there again, due to sucky fries.
chilled at the garage fer a bit, with talks in my front background bout hating capitalism and debated normalcies with efforts that seem inadequate in bringing proper change to the systems. wanted to say somethin, but i tend to let others dominate the convo, and listening lets me soak in wisdom or follies of folks.
saw 2nd half of red cliff instead of headin to twigs. prolly shoulda, but i'll see my people soon enough. the endin of the movie was kinda ho-hum but the rest of the movie was pretty tight. some stuff was kinda over the top, but the rest felt rooted in realism.
got driven back to base, exercised fer a bit, played some more games. now writin, reflectin, and headin to bed soon. tryin to understand my own destiny in everythin, but fer now, am feelin naked that i haven't read a book in 24 hours.
====================================================================================
since a large majority of blog posts are personal rants, i guess i'll add onto the stack of garbage known as the internet. spit my 2 cents about the convo tonight.
bankers/traders/financial specialists or whatever you wan call them; they got oerpaid in america. why you ask? well, i bet you prolly already know. these folks are in charge of moving, monitoring and growing large sums of money for their clients, whether folks, organizations or businesses. as such, when they have success, the industry rewards them with compensation. when they fail, they kinda get the heave-ho. course that isn't always the case (the big bailouts of yesteryear. that's a diffrent debate altogether, but ver related and pertinent to this dunghole that america's kinda in)
our attitudes towards them-they're grossly overpaid, and treated different, like royalty of old. even when they do somin wrong, say embezzlin, mismanagement of funds, they get a comparative slap on the wrist compared to folks who do harder crimes. the funny thing is that we put a price on life, whether spiritually or numerically. folks who end up stealin money from people, and then these people go poor, homeless and out on the street, lives broken, families dissolved, relationships on rocks due to financial stresses....affects those people fer their lives. but that torment isn't factored in so much fer the initial crime of simply emptyin people of their life savings.
in the past, money was created and purposed to be used as a medium of exchange, and a store of value. originally if say, a blacksmith, wanted wheat from the farmer, he woud barter his goods for the other; an anvil for a bale of wheat. however, this involved physically transporting these items to another in order for it to work. money was created in order to substitute as a store of value, to say this anvil is worth X dollars. these X dollars can be used to buy this wheat, etc etc. and all was fine. it was resembling the way cheques work.
but instead, we put a higher value, a greater emphasis on money. we made it a commodity. to own and to gather more money, means very much today. it means one is able to open up doors, to purchase goods, to obtain more things. it is ok until, "rampant greed is not good". and i suppose there are many folks like that, but they've got their own reasons. objectively i'd want to say share, but even so, i know in my own life, i grill others to pay up their debts.
but it's an attitude thing. what do we feel about it? these actions, these flaunts and searches for more, they leave a noxious taste in our mouths. we desire change, that the system act fairly, to help others in need, to have wealth brought to folks who need it more and have earned it through their just efforts. great! we have the first step to change-the flame, the itch, the irk that says "dammit, somethin isn't right".
what's step 2? well, propose a way to change. as a friend said tnight, "it's all well and good that you want to change things, but if you don't have an idea, it's kinda moot." fair enough-let's go reward folks who create somethin better than themselves, somethin intangible, but heightens the human condition. knowledge capital is one-teachers, as mentioned by another friend. how bout social concern? folks who don't trample on other human beings in order to get ahead-tobacco execs'll take the shot here. it's a start, tnight.
and well, what about folks of lil faith? yes, we need an example. ppl run through their minds "i don't got the means to make a big change now, but i'll do the small things, and eventually when i can, i'll do the big." how, bout, we change that up, and put more faith in ourselves. the system now isn't actively tryin to quash the lil guy, at least not in america so much. let's be the change that we want in our lives, and not have to wait fer someone up in the big league to do it. they say we need an example-be that example.
granted, now as i say this, i reflect upon the historical stance of folks who wanted to reform things but were shut down, persecuted, even killed fer tryin to get things dones. examples of past revolutions when thinkers were set to the side so that another agenda, a reigning authority could last. works of fiction that talked about utopian societies that imposed thought as a punishable evil. to question is to rebel; to rebel is to threaten. as i think about it, i find it odd that these types of systems feel threatened when 1 group goes against them-the authority feels scared. yet it is us, when we as individuals look to stand up against the giant, that we feel weak in our knees. guess that behemoth isn't as secure as we thought, eh?
to this end, i am not certain if we are better fighting for change alone or in small groups, or in one collective. divided, we can think and dream, but we imagine the odds are staggering. together, we are stronger in number, but run risk of complacency and groupthink. in both cases, a leader will emerge. but, what if we were all leaders? would the power vacuum destroy us all? or will we emerge victorious?
all you need to know tonight, is that you're only as big as you allow yourself. no delusions of grandeur here, but i'm not the meek mouse you want us all to be.
====================================================================================
(wonders who'll ever be on the same page as me. and when i first say that, i don't mean i'm ahead of anyone. perhaps i've slowed down and need to catch up to folks. this is why life is a lil more enjoyable-the wonder of discovering somethin new)
woke up this morn by a random dream involvin me as a scrabble representative of our region. fer some reason i held an S as my last tile, so i prolly was smokin somethin heinous in that dream world. familiar faces too, but the weirdest thing was that when i woke up, was talkin in some russian knockoff accent. still was doin that the whole day, on and off.
played some games, collected some money, got cussed at cause folks get parking tickets and i'm a cop, fer no logical reason. at 5ish, was playin phone tag with folks from smallgroup bout dinner and whatnot. decided to go to b-good fer some reason, and i'm ner goin to there again, due to sucky fries.
chilled at the garage fer a bit, with talks in my front background bout hating capitalism and debated normalcies with efforts that seem inadequate in bringing proper change to the systems. wanted to say somethin, but i tend to let others dominate the convo, and listening lets me soak in wisdom or follies of folks.
saw 2nd half of red cliff instead of headin to twigs. prolly shoulda, but i'll see my people soon enough. the endin of the movie was kinda ho-hum but the rest of the movie was pretty tight. some stuff was kinda over the top, but the rest felt rooted in realism.
got driven back to base, exercised fer a bit, played some more games. now writin, reflectin, and headin to bed soon. tryin to understand my own destiny in everythin, but fer now, am feelin naked that i haven't read a book in 24 hours.
====================================================================================
since a large majority of blog posts are personal rants, i guess i'll add onto the stack of garbage known as the internet. spit my 2 cents about the convo tonight.
bankers/traders/financial specialists or whatever you wan call them; they got oerpaid in america. why you ask? well, i bet you prolly already know. these folks are in charge of moving, monitoring and growing large sums of money for their clients, whether folks, organizations or businesses. as such, when they have success, the industry rewards them with compensation. when they fail, they kinda get the heave-ho. course that isn't always the case (the big bailouts of yesteryear. that's a diffrent debate altogether, but ver related and pertinent to this dunghole that america's kinda in)
our attitudes towards them-they're grossly overpaid, and treated different, like royalty of old. even when they do somin wrong, say embezzlin, mismanagement of funds, they get a comparative slap on the wrist compared to folks who do harder crimes. the funny thing is that we put a price on life, whether spiritually or numerically. folks who end up stealin money from people, and then these people go poor, homeless and out on the street, lives broken, families dissolved, relationships on rocks due to financial stresses....affects those people fer their lives. but that torment isn't factored in so much fer the initial crime of simply emptyin people of their life savings.
in the past, money was created and purposed to be used as a medium of exchange, and a store of value. originally if say, a blacksmith, wanted wheat from the farmer, he woud barter his goods for the other; an anvil for a bale of wheat. however, this involved physically transporting these items to another in order for it to work. money was created in order to substitute as a store of value, to say this anvil is worth X dollars. these X dollars can be used to buy this wheat, etc etc. and all was fine. it was resembling the way cheques work.
but instead, we put a higher value, a greater emphasis on money. we made it a commodity. to own and to gather more money, means very much today. it means one is able to open up doors, to purchase goods, to obtain more things. it is ok until, "rampant greed is not good". and i suppose there are many folks like that, but they've got their own reasons. objectively i'd want to say share, but even so, i know in my own life, i grill others to pay up their debts.
but it's an attitude thing. what do we feel about it? these actions, these flaunts and searches for more, they leave a noxious taste in our mouths. we desire change, that the system act fairly, to help others in need, to have wealth brought to folks who need it more and have earned it through their just efforts. great! we have the first step to change-the flame, the itch, the irk that says "dammit, somethin isn't right".
what's step 2? well, propose a way to change. as a friend said tnight, "it's all well and good that you want to change things, but if you don't have an idea, it's kinda moot." fair enough-let's go reward folks who create somethin better than themselves, somethin intangible, but heightens the human condition. knowledge capital is one-teachers, as mentioned by another friend. how bout social concern? folks who don't trample on other human beings in order to get ahead-tobacco execs'll take the shot here. it's a start, tnight.
and well, what about folks of lil faith? yes, we need an example. ppl run through their minds "i don't got the means to make a big change now, but i'll do the small things, and eventually when i can, i'll do the big." how, bout, we change that up, and put more faith in ourselves. the system now isn't actively tryin to quash the lil guy, at least not in america so much. let's be the change that we want in our lives, and not have to wait fer someone up in the big league to do it. they say we need an example-be that example.
granted, now as i say this, i reflect upon the historical stance of folks who wanted to reform things but were shut down, persecuted, even killed fer tryin to get things dones. examples of past revolutions when thinkers were set to the side so that another agenda, a reigning authority could last. works of fiction that talked about utopian societies that imposed thought as a punishable evil. to question is to rebel; to rebel is to threaten. as i think about it, i find it odd that these types of systems feel threatened when 1 group goes against them-the authority feels scared. yet it is us, when we as individuals look to stand up against the giant, that we feel weak in our knees. guess that behemoth isn't as secure as we thought, eh?
to this end, i am not certain if we are better fighting for change alone or in small groups, or in one collective. divided, we can think and dream, but we imagine the odds are staggering. together, we are stronger in number, but run risk of complacency and groupthink. in both cases, a leader will emerge. but, what if we were all leaders? would the power vacuum destroy us all? or will we emerge victorious?
all you need to know tonight, is that you're only as big as you allow yourself. no delusions of grandeur here, but i'm not the meek mouse you want us all to be.
====================================================================================
(wonders who'll ever be on the same page as me. and when i first say that, i don't mean i'm ahead of anyone. perhaps i've slowed down and need to catch up to folks. this is why life is a lil more enjoyable-the wonder of discovering somethin new)
Friday, March 5, 2010
almost done with fake cheerios, arnold palmer, Wiki Journey
traffic doesn't matter, if you've no place to go.
woke up early by bad dreams, hit the pre-snooze and rewoke at the normal time. gamed fer a lil bit, and failed hard. wiki journey fer a bit-took me thru communism thru the russian and cuban years, followed by debates about human rights vs. productivity. very nice to know that at the expense of machinery, cuba became a leader in GDP growth.
headed to best buy to replace the mouse i broke. jammed some lego rockband fer a bit-their in-game system was pretty forgiving, but the soundtrack was what kept me there. suicided thru traffic, and back to base.
typical cleaning and whatnot, then headed to the children's museum to hang with some friends. got stuck in the labyrinth fer a bit. walked round the city, got a drink, then headed back to church, before basetime again. waitin on work verification before i can become a "felon", jk.
====================================================================================
tnight i was reminded about the story of cain and abel. this was in that cain's offering was smaller, but still pleased regardless. he was downcast at what it had resulted in, and jealous of his brother's gift. had to keep remindin myself, that as long as you're doin the right thing, should be enough. my heart itself doesn't hold it that way though, or maybe my brain's pushin me in the wrong direction too much.
the phone call tnight from a random friend left this in my mind-have i really dealt with the struggle? and perhaps, the answer is no. precipitating too much pain with no gain. sigh..at least this wasn't an empty night, so to say.
====================================================================================
in my quest of learning to be a better father and husband, i forgot how to be a good son.
woke up early by bad dreams, hit the pre-snooze and rewoke at the normal time. gamed fer a lil bit, and failed hard. wiki journey fer a bit-took me thru communism thru the russian and cuban years, followed by debates about human rights vs. productivity. very nice to know that at the expense of machinery, cuba became a leader in GDP growth.
headed to best buy to replace the mouse i broke. jammed some lego rockband fer a bit-their in-game system was pretty forgiving, but the soundtrack was what kept me there. suicided thru traffic, and back to base.
typical cleaning and whatnot, then headed to the children's museum to hang with some friends. got stuck in the labyrinth fer a bit. walked round the city, got a drink, then headed back to church, before basetime again. waitin on work verification before i can become a "felon", jk.
====================================================================================
tnight i was reminded about the story of cain and abel. this was in that cain's offering was smaller, but still pleased regardless. he was downcast at what it had resulted in, and jealous of his brother's gift. had to keep remindin myself, that as long as you're doin the right thing, should be enough. my heart itself doesn't hold it that way though, or maybe my brain's pushin me in the wrong direction too much.
the phone call tnight from a random friend left this in my mind-have i really dealt with the struggle? and perhaps, the answer is no. precipitating too much pain with no gain. sigh..at least this wasn't an empty night, so to say.
====================================================================================
in my quest of learning to be a better father and husband, i forgot how to be a good son.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
fake cheerios, no drink?!?!
waitin fer my books to get here, so i can philosophize and rap at the same time. makavelli in this britch.
woke up hard from last night, maybe the fumes from the beer got to me. ended up havin a weird dream where i helped shave the face of that guy Ross from Friends. updated some lists, while playin some games, and gettin trounced by stupidity again.
headed out to lechmere fer the RunMyErrand orientation. lotta free beer, a dog that both craved cupcakes and me and a small networking session. had a nice chat with someone, am tryin to find her, but facebook's new layout is havoc on simplicity.
landed onto a train at park street that smelt like pancake syrup, and headed out to harvard square to see Children of Invention. surfed around the area fer a bit, did a deal, then watched the movie fer a bit.
returning back to base, kinda unwinding and cookin 2nd dinner. need to get the lead out of my brain, lest sluggishness catch up.
====================================================================================
we're all suckers fer something. tnight, i am reminded again what it is. tmr, it will not change, not here or ever. it is my curse and my reward to triumph over. it is my happiness, and sadness and my will to go on.
====================================================================================
someone asked me what my favorite thing in the world was today, and i answered "confusion". in retrospect, a half-lie, half-truth. Stimes clearcutness helps much more than the struggle, but the struggle allows us to grow as human beings. plus i love thinking...
woke up hard from last night, maybe the fumes from the beer got to me. ended up havin a weird dream where i helped shave the face of that guy Ross from Friends. updated some lists, while playin some games, and gettin trounced by stupidity again.
headed out to lechmere fer the RunMyErrand orientation. lotta free beer, a dog that both craved cupcakes and me and a small networking session. had a nice chat with someone, am tryin to find her, but facebook's new layout is havoc on simplicity.
landed onto a train at park street that smelt like pancake syrup, and headed out to harvard square to see Children of Invention. surfed around the area fer a bit, did a deal, then watched the movie fer a bit.
returning back to base, kinda unwinding and cookin 2nd dinner. need to get the lead out of my brain, lest sluggishness catch up.
====================================================================================
we're all suckers fer something. tnight, i am reminded again what it is. tmr, it will not change, not here or ever. it is my curse and my reward to triumph over. it is my happiness, and sadness and my will to go on.
====================================================================================
someone asked me what my favorite thing in the world was today, and i answered "confusion". in retrospect, a half-lie, half-truth. Stimes clearcutness helps much more than the struggle, but the struggle allows us to grow as human beings. plus i love thinking...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
bbq pork, bread, sauce, sweet tea
aimin to change the world i live in. progress is nothing like evolution-you will definitely NOT see intermediate forms.
woke up by a weird dream bout me being mugged and killed in roxbury over a blue hoodie that i never owned or had ever. ran thru the early morning to disappointment. wiki journey took me through US history, and french failures. took a power nap but was interrupted by a vulture. entertained the guests until 5, then headed out to Dillon's for the CS meetup. (my review on yelp will explain more of it)
Highlights from the meetup:
-2 folks who work fer the seminar, both named Jen, and both work at the same place out of the seminar.
-cofounder of the seminar had a perfect cowlick thru the presentation
-a woman who looked like ray charles
-a woman who reminded me of Chyna the wrestler
before headin back to base, followed up on a phone call to RunMyErrand-pending a background check, i will officially be a gofer. headed back to base, and fergot i needed to buy shampoo. tmr i will feel no-sexy at all.
===================================================================================
the night itself was a bust in terms of information, but revealed more about my character instead.
from what i saw, the seminar is pretty much open to the public, perhaps not affiliated with the government, and is attended by folks of all ages and life stages. this year's group also is heavily women, which was odd to interact with. folks seemed to be highstrung, or maybe i needed some air, but whater the case, it'll be interesting to see how this mix of ppl will work on the first session.
hopfly, i may succeed where sam yoon fell.
===================================================================================
time to hammer out great works, with a lil help from my friends. oh, and this book i read.
woke up by a weird dream bout me being mugged and killed in roxbury over a blue hoodie that i never owned or had ever. ran thru the early morning to disappointment. wiki journey took me through US history, and french failures. took a power nap but was interrupted by a vulture. entertained the guests until 5, then headed out to Dillon's for the CS meetup. (my review on yelp will explain more of it)
Highlights from the meetup:
-2 folks who work fer the seminar, both named Jen, and both work at the same place out of the seminar.
-cofounder of the seminar had a perfect cowlick thru the presentation
-a woman who looked like ray charles
-a woman who reminded me of Chyna the wrestler
before headin back to base, followed up on a phone call to RunMyErrand-pending a background check, i will officially be a gofer. headed back to base, and fergot i needed to buy shampoo. tmr i will feel no-sexy at all.
===================================================================================
the night itself was a bust in terms of information, but revealed more about my character instead.
from what i saw, the seminar is pretty much open to the public, perhaps not affiliated with the government, and is attended by folks of all ages and life stages. this year's group also is heavily women, which was odd to interact with. folks seemed to be highstrung, or maybe i needed some air, but whater the case, it'll be interesting to see how this mix of ppl will work on the first session.
hopfly, i may succeed where sam yoon fell.
===================================================================================
time to hammer out great works, with a lil help from my friends. oh, and this book i read.
shrimp alfredo, arnold palmer, Crisis Intervention-Intro and Chapter 1
this is gonna be a relatively busy week. many appointments to make and meet up, and yet, it seems folks have wound down more. story of my life-the opposite flow of how ppl go.
a lil more insomnia on the plate, thought i had a drop-off this morn but miscalculated. runnin thru it tmr. calls comin in, some spam, some legit, like this one i called fer a harvard study. some of the fun screenin questions deserved to be shared:
"do you have ESP, or believe that you hear voices?"
"why do you feel this way?"
"what other powers or psychological problems do you have?"
read up on some crisis intervention, kinda feels like back to school, cept the realm of money and future are tossed out the window. found an old schoolmate, turns out they got bigger durin the years-nothin wrong with that, cause folks know i got love handles too.
entertained some guests, while clearin out the closet in my head. learnin i play kinda sloppy, but the thought process is clear as day. headed out to chi-town for some steamed buns, then came back to base. accidentally flirted with a stranger, though i thought they looked familiar...d'oh.
will have to double time fer other readin and obligations. hopfly it won't involve goin to the hospital or gettin sued.
====================================================================================
clouded in my head again. simply needin to express myself once again. the website'll need some hands; it's already got ideas. nothin too interestin or thought-provokin, but it'll set things up for the grand stage. 14 years left...
====================================================================================
not sure what i'm gon be tmr, tday or ever. nor where i'll die, live, or continue. so, we soldier forth.
a lil more insomnia on the plate, thought i had a drop-off this morn but miscalculated. runnin thru it tmr. calls comin in, some spam, some legit, like this one i called fer a harvard study. some of the fun screenin questions deserved to be shared:
"do you have ESP, or believe that you hear voices?"
"why do you feel this way?"
"what other powers or psychological problems do you have?"
read up on some crisis intervention, kinda feels like back to school, cept the realm of money and future are tossed out the window. found an old schoolmate, turns out they got bigger durin the years-nothin wrong with that, cause folks know i got love handles too.
entertained some guests, while clearin out the closet in my head. learnin i play kinda sloppy, but the thought process is clear as day. headed out to chi-town for some steamed buns, then came back to base. accidentally flirted with a stranger, though i thought they looked familiar...d'oh.
will have to double time fer other readin and obligations. hopfly it won't involve goin to the hospital or gettin sued.
====================================================================================
clouded in my head again. simply needin to express myself once again. the website'll need some hands; it's already got ideas. nothin too interestin or thought-provokin, but it'll set things up for the grand stage. 14 years left...
====================================================================================
not sure what i'm gon be tmr, tday or ever. nor where i'll die, live, or continue. so, we soldier forth.
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