can't tie my shoe if my life depended on it.
tnight, we went oer the sermon that was this sunday about Jesus and his full life, starting with a scene from his early life. it made a lot of us think and redefine our definitions of full life, old life and how to live our lives.
in our lives at least in the middling ages on, we grasp a plan of our life, starting with work, family, perhaps marriage and kids, retirement, leading to a relaxing decline to death. we put our best efforts to put our lives accordingly into this plan, by agonizing about our 401k, boosting our physical well-being, saving for our future and children. everyday, we look forward to the "new tomorrow" when in reality, we are struggling to reach a number, an endpoint, a destination.
even to retirement, our mindsets turn into, "let's spend time with our kids, travel the world, see things". even so, our lives are not fulfilled or finished; the world keeps growing and offering more and more. when we become closer to death, we think and compare our days and times to points of the past, to people we know whom perhaps have accomplished more at an earlier time, or did things that we haven't done yet, but intrigue us.
if we see our lives as simply a laundry list, a quota to be reached, then we will not see the end of it. there is, frankly, too much for this world to offer-we will not be able to keep up with the ever changing, this force of society. it is perhaps in this way of thinking that we grow in allegiance to this world, become more tied and wanting of it, to experience more and more and grasp as much as we can before we inevitably go.
we step back to the portrait of Christ and his life as a testimony, to which one person in our small group insightfully said that it was a ministry of giving, growing richer and deeper, as relationships and wisdom flourished, and that in this respect, he lived a full life. this is in contradict to our typical path of life, in which we want to take and take so much, ever wanting.
from this i'd want to take away a lesson and say that life should be ever flexible, that giving ourselves to another should be the prime purpose of our lives. straying away from physical milestones, to not put our lives in terms of a number, to not mechanize and compartmentalize our lives.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
cinnabon, sweet tea, scone
reading is very important in a nation of technological marvels and advances. after all, how can you get the machines workin without reading the manual?
woke up early due to sounds of construction on my street, which prompted an early response back to sleep. at 9, fig'd was too tired and rewoke at 10. ran some errands involving mailin some textbooks via half.com. also screamin at my comp cause ppl decided to steal dj hero for reasons unknown. watched some tv, played some games fer a bit. turned 45 minutes of agony into 3 hours of semi-triumph.
headed out to chi-town fer the lions' dinner. standard china pearl affair, same food, same agenda, same everythin. got some random guy to sing karaoke at our table; was bout to sing after, cause i promised, but they shut down when i was bout to bust it.
back to base, a lil debating about tactics and the supremacy of smart ppl, while reading about total depravity and public order crimes on wiki. plannin what to do tmr, and possibly how to waste my last years, either floundering or fading.
===================================================================================
last night and tnight made me think bout how vulnerable one can be, given they remain oblivious to the situations before them. yknow, i thought things were peachy keen, but i was delusional. cause of that, i feel a lil...heartbreak and confusion inside, but wisdom comes when truth is finally revealed.
when i come back from events of sorts, i wonder what it really amounts to. leavin an impact on folks and a world that i exist in-hasn't really happened, or at least i'm disappointed at the efforts. guess that's what psalm 90 is about.
coming into spring, hopefully the season will change for the better. this winter's not bad due to the weather, nor the storm or the time, but that there's no warmth around.
====================================================================================
my heart's desire right now is to express myself, perhaps shrouded by pride and false humility, in which ways i can. through song, through intellect, through common sense. but it's not mine to use, only mine to be lent out to others, for others.
woke up early due to sounds of construction on my street, which prompted an early response back to sleep. at 9, fig'd was too tired and rewoke at 10. ran some errands involving mailin some textbooks via half.com. also screamin at my comp cause ppl decided to steal dj hero for reasons unknown. watched some tv, played some games fer a bit. turned 45 minutes of agony into 3 hours of semi-triumph.
headed out to chi-town fer the lions' dinner. standard china pearl affair, same food, same agenda, same everythin. got some random guy to sing karaoke at our table; was bout to sing after, cause i promised, but they shut down when i was bout to bust it.
back to base, a lil debating about tactics and the supremacy of smart ppl, while reading about total depravity and public order crimes on wiki. plannin what to do tmr, and possibly how to waste my last years, either floundering or fading.
===================================================================================
last night and tnight made me think bout how vulnerable one can be, given they remain oblivious to the situations before them. yknow, i thought things were peachy keen, but i was delusional. cause of that, i feel a lil...heartbreak and confusion inside, but wisdom comes when truth is finally revealed.
when i come back from events of sorts, i wonder what it really amounts to. leavin an impact on folks and a world that i exist in-hasn't really happened, or at least i'm disappointed at the efforts. guess that's what psalm 90 is about.
coming into spring, hopefully the season will change for the better. this winter's not bad due to the weather, nor the storm or the time, but that there's no warmth around.
====================================================================================
my heart's desire right now is to express myself, perhaps shrouded by pride and false humility, in which ways i can. through song, through intellect, through common sense. but it's not mine to use, only mine to be lent out to others, for others.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
fergot my breakfast.
with the state being known now as "red", will it change the direction of our country? or is it ppl simply being paranoid of parties?
woke up ear/late after hittin the snooze again. need to figure out what's goin on, maybe it's sleep apnea. played some games in the afternoon, and entertained some guests while takin care of the finances. headed out to NEU to have dinner with some the TWIGS folks, followed by some pool at the student center. (note to self, kirklin is a scratch master)
came back to base, an pretty much twiddled my thumbs to the end of the night. watched the fb updates bout coakley losing and the state goin to hell. in my mind, i could only laugh and cry a little inside, pitying our people.
=====================================================================================
...these strawberry bars are too syrupy
woke up ear/late after hittin the snooze again. need to figure out what's goin on, maybe it's sleep apnea. played some games in the afternoon, and entertained some guests while takin care of the finances. headed out to NEU to have dinner with some the TWIGS folks, followed by some pool at the student center. (note to self, kirklin is a scratch master)
came back to base, an pretty much twiddled my thumbs to the end of the night. watched the fb updates bout coakley losing and the state goin to hell. in my mind, i could only laugh and cry a little inside, pitying our people.
=====================================================================================
...these strawberry bars are too syrupy
Monday, January 18, 2010
two honey buns, arizona iced tea
this is a shout out to Will Ng, since it seems he may have checked this blog out: you host a great hot pot. chill environment, good view, nice ppl, and big tv!
woke up this mornin feelin beat, decided to snooze it, woke again at 11. killed some time in the mornin with readin, washin dishes and games, while gettin yelled at for bein inactive. had a chat with a friend and then headed out to neu territory for another friend's bday dinner. came back to base with an apple in the pocket. needin somethin to do now that involves...ppl?
=====================================================================================
how fitting it was that everythin that i talked bout with my friend today bout what was gonna happen tnight happened exactly the way i thought it would.
=====================================================================================
true to yourself, and not to worry bout others or the rest :)
woke up this mornin feelin beat, decided to snooze it, woke again at 11. killed some time in the mornin with readin, washin dishes and games, while gettin yelled at for bein inactive. had a chat with a friend and then headed out to neu territory for another friend's bday dinner. came back to base with an apple in the pocket. needin somethin to do now that involves...ppl?
=====================================================================================
how fitting it was that everythin that i talked bout with my friend today bout what was gonna happen tnight happened exactly the way i thought it would.
=====================================================================================
true to yourself, and not to worry bout others or the rest :)
Thursday, December 3, 2009
cheeseburger, fries, ramune
hung over on lack of sleep-resetting schedule for tmr.
after sleepin late from readin joke posts from cracked.com, woke early to head out fer the temp gig at drydock ave. bumped into molly on the bus the way there.
the day was pretty lame overall-was paid to essentially be a high school gym coach. along the way though, got to figure out more about the network and the organization. was pretty laid back-got to bounce a basketball fer an hour at the office. lunch at pete's wasn't that bad either, but i think the fries were a bit stale.
lolz ensued as the Federal Protective Service has a number 1877-4-FPS-411. thought it was a live FAQ hotline for first person shooters. as i came back to base, some guy off the bus threw something in a trash can, then ran away. turns out it was Fidelity investment research-odd place to dispose of things.
got some surprise business done, followed by a confirmation of pervading thoughts and understandings. feelin tired, so might head to bed early. lookin forward to gettin back on the work track.
====================================================================================
apparently the government has strict regulations about overtime, but will vehemently and gladly hand out money to inept people for their elementary tasks. today, it was all about learning to start and stop a watch, as well as waiting and clicking the X in the window. feelin special...or perhaps a lil guilty cause it's really...REALLY that easy.
====================================================================================
cringe as you imagine what ppl will kill for in order to be stable in their lives. really, what is 1 billion dollars to a country? merely pieces of paper.
after sleepin late from readin joke posts from cracked.com, woke early to head out fer the temp gig at drydock ave. bumped into molly on the bus the way there.
the day was pretty lame overall-was paid to essentially be a high school gym coach. along the way though, got to figure out more about the network and the organization. was pretty laid back-got to bounce a basketball fer an hour at the office. lunch at pete's wasn't that bad either, but i think the fries were a bit stale.
lolz ensued as the Federal Protective Service has a number 1877-4-FPS-411. thought it was a live FAQ hotline for first person shooters. as i came back to base, some guy off the bus threw something in a trash can, then ran away. turns out it was Fidelity investment research-odd place to dispose of things.
got some surprise business done, followed by a confirmation of pervading thoughts and understandings. feelin tired, so might head to bed early. lookin forward to gettin back on the work track.
====================================================================================
apparently the government has strict regulations about overtime, but will vehemently and gladly hand out money to inept people for their elementary tasks. today, it was all about learning to start and stop a watch, as well as waiting and clicking the X in the window. feelin special...or perhaps a lil guilty cause it's really...REALLY that easy.
====================================================================================
cringe as you imagine what ppl will kill for in order to be stable in their lives. really, what is 1 billion dollars to a country? merely pieces of paper.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
chinese pork dumplings
plans will go awry, but we do what we can to contain the nature of randomness
after losin out on some gametime last night, woke around 1:30 and headed to Southie to pick up a package. the lady remembered the wrong bus route, had to hike it out fer a few. the ppl in southie aren't really ones to look at-and everywhere it seemed that everyone had a kid, with them on the street.
after discoverin the package wasn't what i thought it was, dumped it on broadway and let other ppl take care of it-was funny to see two women try to reassemble it. took the 9 and headed out to prudential. messed round fer a bit, din't collect any debts, but kept my head up.
back to base, did some cleanin, quiet time, some reading. learned about oxygen deprivation, the "true" version of freestyle and misconceptions, and a couple other topics as well. some late night harassment via the internet and home-gon prolly grab a snack, try to sleep earlier tnight, gotta haircut and prep for thursday onward.
===================================================================================
(wonders if people know what they're doing.) a lot of ppl come to me, agenda prevalent and pretty one-track mind. it's pretty easy to sniff out what they want and what they're cringing about. but ppl put the blinders on and aren't willin to clear their mind and learn to forgive a lil. simply put, people see their self-righteousness shine through, but if we step back, we can see that evident faultiness of the matter, the hole-liness of it all.
(wonders if people will understand.) not sure what is up for tonight, but rather...i cannot live the realm i'm in, feeling that the paparazzi style is king-that other ppl's lives concern me more than my own. granted, there is a call to be selfless, but where is the line drawn between nobleness and radicalism, the obsessiveness?
===================================================================================
kings feel like kings because of their people. find out why and how.
after losin out on some gametime last night, woke around 1:30 and headed to Southie to pick up a package. the lady remembered the wrong bus route, had to hike it out fer a few. the ppl in southie aren't really ones to look at-and everywhere it seemed that everyone had a kid, with them on the street.
after discoverin the package wasn't what i thought it was, dumped it on broadway and let other ppl take care of it-was funny to see two women try to reassemble it. took the 9 and headed out to prudential. messed round fer a bit, din't collect any debts, but kept my head up.
back to base, did some cleanin, quiet time, some reading. learned about oxygen deprivation, the "true" version of freestyle and misconceptions, and a couple other topics as well. some late night harassment via the internet and home-gon prolly grab a snack, try to sleep earlier tnight, gotta haircut and prep for thursday onward.
===================================================================================
(wonders if people know what they're doing.) a lot of ppl come to me, agenda prevalent and pretty one-track mind. it's pretty easy to sniff out what they want and what they're cringing about. but ppl put the blinders on and aren't willin to clear their mind and learn to forgive a lil. simply put, people see their self-righteousness shine through, but if we step back, we can see that evident faultiness of the matter, the hole-liness of it all.
(wonders if people will understand.) not sure what is up for tonight, but rather...i cannot live the realm i'm in, feeling that the paparazzi style is king-that other ppl's lives concern me more than my own. granted, there is a call to be selfless, but where is the line drawn between nobleness and radicalism, the obsessiveness?
===================================================================================
kings feel like kings because of their people. find out why and how.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
h-mart katsu meal
wat do i have to give thanks fer this year? paraphrasing wat i thought of last night: the education i received that some are unable to afford, or forgo beacuse of circumstances or preferences in their life.
woke up kinda late, expectin to have to go to 2 thanksgivin meals. instead was brought out to burlington to pick up stuff from h-mart. was my first time there, so i decided to do and see a lot of things.
highlights from h-mart (and thoughts learned)
============================================
-multiple spellings of the world "dumpling" (didn't know there was an "o" or two "u"'s.
-lot of eye candy (seemed like a typical couple shopping place, even ran into jfei and lisa lee)
-korean gangsters on a karaoke disc (hip-hop pervades all cultures)
-lot of immigrant workers, sadly fulfilling the stereotype
-playing the "let's drop random items in other ppl's carts and see if they notice/buy the item"
-the tomboy who served me my katsu breakfast
-of all the misspellings and bad grammar at the h-mart, the only thing they got right was "the h-mart parking lot is not responsible for damages or losses to your vehicle."
came back to base with groceries and some new extra drinks, then headed out to fam's in quincy fer thanksgivin dinner.
highlight from din
=======================
-once again the nontraditional chinese food: beef, shrimp, turkey stuffed with sticky rice
-mishaps with the young'uns
-a nonfunctional rubik cube
-seein my cousin's new place-s'a friggin mansion
-understanding child psychology
back to base once again, tryin to figure out if i'm sick or simply agitated from my meals
===================================================================================
as i think about it, the only bad spots in the day were when ppl decided to be snide about other's downfalls, or tried to make up for their own. those incidents could have be clearly remedied simply by adding food in their mouths. makes me think the world would be a much peaceful place if everyone were eating at once (no offense to the poverty-stricken folks or ppl who are scroungin out-much love to my brothers and sisters)
===================================================================================
in any case, don't force your own expectations on me. perhaps none of us chose to be born, but all of us choose how we want to live.
woke up kinda late, expectin to have to go to 2 thanksgivin meals. instead was brought out to burlington to pick up stuff from h-mart. was my first time there, so i decided to do and see a lot of things.
highlights from h-mart (and thoughts learned)
============================================
-multiple spellings of the world "dumpling" (didn't know there was an "o" or two "u"'s.
-lot of eye candy (seemed like a typical couple shopping place, even ran into jfei and lisa lee)
-korean gangsters on a karaoke disc (hip-hop pervades all cultures)
-lot of immigrant workers, sadly fulfilling the stereotype
-playing the "let's drop random items in other ppl's carts and see if they notice/buy the item"
-the tomboy who served me my katsu breakfast
-of all the misspellings and bad grammar at the h-mart, the only thing they got right was "the h-mart parking lot is not responsible for damages or losses to your vehicle."
came back to base with groceries and some new extra drinks, then headed out to fam's in quincy fer thanksgivin dinner.
highlight from din
=======================
-once again the nontraditional chinese food: beef, shrimp, turkey stuffed with sticky rice
-mishaps with the young'uns
-a nonfunctional rubik cube
-seein my cousin's new place-s'a friggin mansion
-understanding child psychology
back to base once again, tryin to figure out if i'm sick or simply agitated from my meals
===================================================================================
as i think about it, the only bad spots in the day were when ppl decided to be snide about other's downfalls, or tried to make up for their own. those incidents could have be clearly remedied simply by adding food in their mouths. makes me think the world would be a much peaceful place if everyone were eating at once (no offense to the poverty-stricken folks or ppl who are scroungin out-much love to my brothers and sisters)
===================================================================================
in any case, don't force your own expectations on me. perhaps none of us chose to be born, but all of us choose how we want to live.
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