some freebase writing

sigh...where an how do i start? (simple, dummy, you type...)

so it's 4/24/2009, and what's on my mind? reflections on where my life's goin right now. as i go through the twists and turns, i find myself desiring many things, many people, many outcomes. ideally, i would wanna be self-sufficient in a couple years, or at least be out of this house fer a while. seems like my own uncomfortable prison cell.

days go in and out as i try to find a source of redemption and a calling or two to fill out. work has fizzled out, and i think once again i've stopped looking. this time around, i don't fear work as much as being put in a routine (even though my life now is currently in one). been glad that i haven't had to suit up, or wear a suit each day in order to be or feel productive. basic needs are still provided for, and a meager but salvagable income still comes in.

in the night, i seek something quieter and more fulfilling than the noises i hear from the tv, radio, ipod, and computer. gives me some time to read and understand, and definitely relax. (wait...relaxed isn't the right feeling...kinda feel...anxious, tense) anyways, my thoughts right now are centered or revolving around people. who are these people? these are the ppl who are in my mind stubborn.

no names, no judging, no rubbing it in...these are the folks who are goin through some things that they've resorted to handling it themselves. to further explain it would most definitely be trespassing, breachin of their trust, so i'm gonna let it pass. doesn't mean that it's not on my mind, and not a concern either. it's tough when you try to be a true friend and not some other occupation or fill some other role in someone's life.

what does that mean? well, basically, all it means is that instead of worryin bout how to get by day to day, some people should look forward into the future. (guess i gotta break out that corny metaphor of "if you continue on this path, where will you be in 5 years" sorta thing). yeah. i'm that old, and maybe overthinkin too much. but i'm thinkin for 2 people, so that's prolly why it's too much-the task wasn't meant solely fer me to embark upon.

some ppl worry that if they die, people won't notice. guess i'm worried bout that too, but moreso in the influence department, rather than my physical being. my legacy(?) if it could so be that, would be that i truly was unconventional and in doing so, was able to tap into true humanity. hmm...(perhaps that's not the right way to phrase it). oh well, it's somethin that my piddly mind can't express merely in voice. it's definitely an action thing.

-loveless world.