it's only been one night...

it's only been one night...but one night can change it all.

headed in day 4 of lack of sleep. woke up in anticipation for what music we'd listen to in american studies. when i came to class, the chairs were turned towards the back and we were surrounding a boombox, listenin to popular music of the 50's, 60's, 70's and 90's. learned that there were a buncha screwed up songs perpetuating domestic violence, particularly creepy were the Pointer Sisters, who loved to sing about getting beat up by their men. Jack Jones also sounded like a Home-Ec regimen.

to philosophy where we talked more about the Growing Stone. pretty much more autopilot in the class-professor overtalks, and i chime in only to "prove" that i read the book. too much inference from small details in that story, but it makes sense that, i dunno, people affix themselves to some absolutes in order to escape their exiles from life itself. got some lunch with ppl from philo class. learned all they do is drink and get in trouble, but they're typical folk, so i guess i can live with that.

back to base, played some games, went to chinatown with some friends. hacked around the gallery fer a bit. checked out that "prison bookstore". apparently it's an Afrocentric/Afro-American bookstore. will come back to them-they have writing by Iceberg Slim.

had to kill some time before meeting for LW. went to this shop where they sold fake pokemon cards, then starbucks, then pretty much sat in the food court in the gallery. all that food was remindin me of food. met up with small group at Banana Leaf, but dinner at Wong Wong due to social considerations.

prayer walked fer a lil bit. made me think about how little i really know about this urban environment, and perhaps a reminder of how out of touch i can be. on top of that, the only other thing i drew from it is that my approach to prayer might be a bit robotic, but it's the way that I can express myself truthfully. they say, it's the measure of what's in the heart, so....

met up with some ppl after to discuss life. all that was goin thru my mind was that it shouldn't be done, that we should be set apart, as one said "beyond reproach", and that the mark of a man isn't by what he has; it's by his responsibility. control and purity of action and intent, and perhaps better alternatives should be sought, and that image is...semi-irrelevant. all that was goin thru my mind when i left was that i should give it some time, that i should take it down a notch, that these people are still my brothers and sisters, that i can see some of what i truly want from there. it's funny how the conversation before with someone on the train kinda foreshadowed this; was stressing the relational quality of it all, and that is what makes me want to be there. true building of these relationships, and an escape from the normalcy that life and college life presents.

walking thru the warzone of parties, bars, and the night crowd, was able to catch the last trains from 40th as well as city hall. the wings sauce was leaking from the bag, and there were some mentally distraught ppl on the train as well. got back to campus around 1ish, anticipating some good eats.

the night was a muddle soon after. all i know is that somewhere in my mind, psychosis can be beneficial, but it needs to be controlled. also, i gotta take my contacts out sooner. damn though...

woke up to take them out, and the last thing that stirred up a thought came from the custodian; "do this [job] to get free education? i'll do it." so many wise implications from that statement..

day 5 of sleep deprivation. startin to think it might be something else entirely this time