is taking a massive dump on me this thanksgiving.
here's the scoop-i've been havin a terrible one. come back to base and find the house lookin like a mess. because of lack of sleep fer a good 3 weeks, i've been exhausted. wasn't able to get some stuff ready for wednesday.
wednesday, got nothin done so far. also got taken for a massive hit on the same day.
this mornin, wasn't able to get to MIT field to hang out. furthermore i get news that it's not thanksgiving lunch and actually it's dinner, making me have to choose one of three things. since i don't see my family much, i opt for that plan. this year, we had hotpot as dinner, and that'd be great...cept for the fact that i hate hotpot.
on the way back home, parents get snippy because i wasn't speaking in chinese. wantin to leave home, for much longer than ever.
other stuff's been crackin at me. family stuff, the fact that i'm almost done with school and have to find a job at the worst time for the economy. haven't spent any time with the people i wanted to, nor made any money. ran thru the timeline, and found out that my worst enemy has been my home.
needin a way out. so sick of this place now. how much worse will it be when i really have to return...
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
plans for the next week
my mind is shot. my legs are tired-my arms feel broken and cartilageless. my throat is dry, my eyes are strained, and the bed calls me back every second. but i gotta go on-gotta complete the next chapter of my life that eerily feels already written. all i have to do is step through the door, and off i go.
fer the next week, the following agenda
-get sleep
-get equipped
-cram out some tests and projects
-follow the schedule i have for my final project
-hang out with ppl
-go home
-talk with advisors to see if i am getting out of here
if i fail to do any of this stuff, then i sign over the right to ppl i know to punch me back into submission. that is my promise; that is my goal; that is my plan.
after all this, i dunno what's next, but for now, this is my life-a big grocery list and a balancing act. *sigh* now, onto the show...
fer the next week, the following agenda
-get sleep
-get equipped
-cram out some tests and projects
-follow the schedule i have for my final project
-hang out with ppl
-go home
-talk with advisors to see if i am getting out of here
if i fail to do any of this stuff, then i sign over the right to ppl i know to punch me back into submission. that is my promise; that is my goal; that is my plan.
after all this, i dunno what's next, but for now, this is my life-a big grocery list and a balancing act. *sigh* now, onto the show...
Saturday, November 15, 2008
running note about art...
you wear your symbols out
as i sat at treetops eating my hash browns, fruit, breakfast, and some bad grapeade, i look around as i usually do. today's been unusually sunny and bright-70's they say. guess it's a good contrast as to the weather and the feels of las night, or it's a reminder of an eventuality, an inevitability that "the day is darkest before the dawn". heh.. as i looked around, all i saw were these explorer entourage and phillies shirts. they got me thinkin-besides the amount of consumerism and supposed loyalty they imply, it got me thinkin about symbolism. (from this point on, i will be talking about the same hypothetical person, but dressed in typical garb, for all intents and purposes.)
so what do symbols mean? in history people have worn symbols on them all the time. it is found in their clothing-representing class, ancestry, location. it is found on their bodies-tattoos have been used for aesthetic value, but also as an implement for expression-love, hatred, loyalty, pictures, a symbol of lasting ideas. symbols have been used to represent ethnicity and religion-the Jesus piece, the swastika, the yarmulke, beads, the white hood, the queue are some of the major forces of elemental behavior.
you are not a still-life. you are not a snapshot. if historians were to find a picture of you, dressed up in a suit, posed very confidently and nonchalantly, they could make inferences on your class, your behavior, possibly surmise your prior and future actions, and perhaps the purposes behind your own self-structuring. however, pictures alone do not tell the whole story: they are a capture of time. you may have been dressed in a suit, but maybe it was halloween. maybe you rented the suit for a party; maybe you wore it on a whim or for a dare. what we can see at first hand can give us a glance into the life of the individual, but in comparison to other recordations, the picture is very short-sighted.
so we move up from there; the video. the video is a set of frames sped up at a particular frame rate to establish the illusion and capturing of movement. the video is a truer form of capturing the symbols and has a better chance for us to understand the context of those symbols in a truer state-one of action, interaction, and reaction. of course those symbols again are dependant upon the wearer. how one decides to utilize those symbols is especially important-truth or ironic usage. perhaps it may even be concident that they have those symbols on them, and really, they don't intend to imply anything. you may have been wearing a shirt with a smiley face on it, but meh. you might have been feeling sad. you might have been wearing a gag gift. you might have been forced to wear it, you might have worn it for other people. hell, it could have even been laundry day and you had no better alternative, because nudity doesn't work for you. videos: they capture a bit more, they give a little more of the story, but again...it's only a piece of time, a segment, perhaps pieced together, set-up, idealized, drawn out, merely compiled..
and so what do you do, to look for and to understand the truth, the truths that people may or may not have laid out in front of them? how do you break through the facades, the illusions, the fronts? how do you find the reality of people, whether they are living high or low, what their true feelings and intents are? how do you find out and experience how life really...should be?
what you do is look deeper. you go forth and you try to understand people, what they do, how they do it, how they feel. you look at them, on their good days and bad ones. you analyze their experiences, you propose and speak truth to them. you don't dilute your life with unnecessities or superficialities, but you confront them with reality. you do not escape life by way of physical pleasures or psychological dependances, but you embrace life. you rip down the walls, the things we use to hide from others, the walls that we use to make people think that things are "going ok", or good, or whatever, those mere formalities of speech and custom that we're so used to.
the only way to look deeper is to be with them, to be with those people. it is, dare i say, the most genuine, simple, yet articulate, understood gesture one could make. to spend time with them to find the truth, to be relational, to help them fight their problems, to enjoy their pleasures, to understand the troubles, trials, and tribulations that although, we may not have experienced them ourselves, it is that thought, that expression, that presence that makes people know "yes, this individual is taking a step".
the symbols we wear are, like my professor says, facts. facts only express some concreteness in the world among us. however, it is our interpretation, our meaning, our representation of these symbols that make us or do not make us. the question is-are your symbols right? do people understand them the way they were intended? are those symbols characteristic of an importance, an unsuperficialness, a genuine heart? are those symbols going to make you right with others, and are those symbols the way to go, in terms of bringing people together, exposing the truth, and living it? do those symbols mirror reality, or are we merely putting up more fronts, more walls, more blocks, preventing us from being effective with one another?
we wear our symbols out, but have our symbols become us? are we our symbols?
as i sat at treetops eating my hash browns, fruit, breakfast, and some bad grapeade, i look around as i usually do. today's been unusually sunny and bright-70's they say. guess it's a good contrast as to the weather and the feels of las night, or it's a reminder of an eventuality, an inevitability that "the day is darkest before the dawn". heh.. as i looked around, all i saw were these explorer entourage and phillies shirts. they got me thinkin-besides the amount of consumerism and supposed loyalty they imply, it got me thinkin about symbolism. (from this point on, i will be talking about the same hypothetical person, but dressed in typical garb, for all intents and purposes.)
so what do symbols mean? in history people have worn symbols on them all the time. it is found in their clothing-representing class, ancestry, location. it is found on their bodies-tattoos have been used for aesthetic value, but also as an implement for expression-love, hatred, loyalty, pictures, a symbol of lasting ideas. symbols have been used to represent ethnicity and religion-the Jesus piece, the swastika, the yarmulke, beads, the white hood, the queue are some of the major forces of elemental behavior.
you are not a still-life. you are not a snapshot. if historians were to find a picture of you, dressed up in a suit, posed very confidently and nonchalantly, they could make inferences on your class, your behavior, possibly surmise your prior and future actions, and perhaps the purposes behind your own self-structuring. however, pictures alone do not tell the whole story: they are a capture of time. you may have been dressed in a suit, but maybe it was halloween. maybe you rented the suit for a party; maybe you wore it on a whim or for a dare. what we can see at first hand can give us a glance into the life of the individual, but in comparison to other recordations, the picture is very short-sighted.
so we move up from there; the video. the video is a set of frames sped up at a particular frame rate to establish the illusion and capturing of movement. the video is a truer form of capturing the symbols and has a better chance for us to understand the context of those symbols in a truer state-one of action, interaction, and reaction. of course those symbols again are dependant upon the wearer. how one decides to utilize those symbols is especially important-truth or ironic usage. perhaps it may even be concident that they have those symbols on them, and really, they don't intend to imply anything. you may have been wearing a shirt with a smiley face on it, but meh. you might have been feeling sad. you might have been wearing a gag gift. you might have been forced to wear it, you might have worn it for other people. hell, it could have even been laundry day and you had no better alternative, because nudity doesn't work for you. videos: they capture a bit more, they give a little more of the story, but again...it's only a piece of time, a segment, perhaps pieced together, set-up, idealized, drawn out, merely compiled..
and so what do you do, to look for and to understand the truth, the truths that people may or may not have laid out in front of them? how do you break through the facades, the illusions, the fronts? how do you find the reality of people, whether they are living high or low, what their true feelings and intents are? how do you find out and experience how life really...should be?
what you do is look deeper. you go forth and you try to understand people, what they do, how they do it, how they feel. you look at them, on their good days and bad ones. you analyze their experiences, you propose and speak truth to them. you don't dilute your life with unnecessities or superficialities, but you confront them with reality. you do not escape life by way of physical pleasures or psychological dependances, but you embrace life. you rip down the walls, the things we use to hide from others, the walls that we use to make people think that things are "going ok", or good, or whatever, those mere formalities of speech and custom that we're so used to.
the only way to look deeper is to be with them, to be with those people. it is, dare i say, the most genuine, simple, yet articulate, understood gesture one could make. to spend time with them to find the truth, to be relational, to help them fight their problems, to enjoy their pleasures, to understand the troubles, trials, and tribulations that although, we may not have experienced them ourselves, it is that thought, that expression, that presence that makes people know "yes, this individual is taking a step".
the symbols we wear are, like my professor says, facts. facts only express some concreteness in the world among us. however, it is our interpretation, our meaning, our representation of these symbols that make us or do not make us. the question is-are your symbols right? do people understand them the way they were intended? are those symbols characteristic of an importance, an unsuperficialness, a genuine heart? are those symbols going to make you right with others, and are those symbols the way to go, in terms of bringing people together, exposing the truth, and living it? do those symbols mirror reality, or are we merely putting up more fronts, more walls, more blocks, preventing us from being effective with one another?
we wear our symbols out, but have our symbols become us? are we our symbols?
it's only been one night...
it's only been one night...but one night can change it all.
headed in day 4 of lack of sleep. woke up in anticipation for what music we'd listen to in american studies. when i came to class, the chairs were turned towards the back and we were surrounding a boombox, listenin to popular music of the 50's, 60's, 70's and 90's. learned that there were a buncha screwed up songs perpetuating domestic violence, particularly creepy were the Pointer Sisters, who loved to sing about getting beat up by their men. Jack Jones also sounded like a Home-Ec regimen.
to philosophy where we talked more about the Growing Stone. pretty much more autopilot in the class-professor overtalks, and i chime in only to "prove" that i read the book. too much inference from small details in that story, but it makes sense that, i dunno, people affix themselves to some absolutes in order to escape their exiles from life itself. got some lunch with ppl from philo class. learned all they do is drink and get in trouble, but they're typical folk, so i guess i can live with that.
back to base, played some games, went to chinatown with some friends. hacked around the gallery fer a bit. checked out that "prison bookstore". apparently it's an Afrocentric/Afro-American bookstore. will come back to them-they have writing by Iceberg Slim.
had to kill some time before meeting for LW. went to this shop where they sold fake pokemon cards, then starbucks, then pretty much sat in the food court in the gallery. all that food was remindin me of food. met up with small group at Banana Leaf, but dinner at Wong Wong due to social considerations.
prayer walked fer a lil bit. made me think about how little i really know about this urban environment, and perhaps a reminder of how out of touch i can be. on top of that, the only other thing i drew from it is that my approach to prayer might be a bit robotic, but it's the way that I can express myself truthfully. they say, it's the measure of what's in the heart, so....
met up with some ppl after to discuss life. all that was goin thru my mind was that it shouldn't be done, that we should be set apart, as one said "beyond reproach", and that the mark of a man isn't by what he has; it's by his responsibility. control and purity of action and intent, and perhaps better alternatives should be sought, and that image is...semi-irrelevant. all that was goin thru my mind when i left was that i should give it some time, that i should take it down a notch, that these people are still my brothers and sisters, that i can see some of what i truly want from there. it's funny how the conversation before with someone on the train kinda foreshadowed this; was stressing the relational quality of it all, and that is what makes me want to be there. true building of these relationships, and an escape from the normalcy that life and college life presents.
walking thru the warzone of parties, bars, and the night crowd, was able to catch the last trains from 40th as well as city hall. the wings sauce was leaking from the bag, and there were some mentally distraught ppl on the train as well. got back to campus around 1ish, anticipating some good eats.
the night was a muddle soon after. all i know is that somewhere in my mind, psychosis can be beneficial, but it needs to be controlled. also, i gotta take my contacts out sooner. damn though...
woke up to take them out, and the last thing that stirred up a thought came from the custodian; "do this [job] to get free education? i'll do it." so many wise implications from that statement..
day 5 of sleep deprivation. startin to think it might be something else entirely this time
headed in day 4 of lack of sleep. woke up in anticipation for what music we'd listen to in american studies. when i came to class, the chairs were turned towards the back and we were surrounding a boombox, listenin to popular music of the 50's, 60's, 70's and 90's. learned that there were a buncha screwed up songs perpetuating domestic violence, particularly creepy were the Pointer Sisters, who loved to sing about getting beat up by their men. Jack Jones also sounded like a Home-Ec regimen.
to philosophy where we talked more about the Growing Stone. pretty much more autopilot in the class-professor overtalks, and i chime in only to "prove" that i read the book. too much inference from small details in that story, but it makes sense that, i dunno, people affix themselves to some absolutes in order to escape their exiles from life itself. got some lunch with ppl from philo class. learned all they do is drink and get in trouble, but they're typical folk, so i guess i can live with that.
back to base, played some games, went to chinatown with some friends. hacked around the gallery fer a bit. checked out that "prison bookstore". apparently it's an Afrocentric/Afro-American bookstore. will come back to them-they have writing by Iceberg Slim.
had to kill some time before meeting for LW. went to this shop where they sold fake pokemon cards, then starbucks, then pretty much sat in the food court in the gallery. all that food was remindin me of food. met up with small group at Banana Leaf, but dinner at Wong Wong due to social considerations.
prayer walked fer a lil bit. made me think about how little i really know about this urban environment, and perhaps a reminder of how out of touch i can be. on top of that, the only other thing i drew from it is that my approach to prayer might be a bit robotic, but it's the way that I can express myself truthfully. they say, it's the measure of what's in the heart, so....
met up with some ppl after to discuss life. all that was goin thru my mind was that it shouldn't be done, that we should be set apart, as one said "beyond reproach", and that the mark of a man isn't by what he has; it's by his responsibility. control and purity of action and intent, and perhaps better alternatives should be sought, and that image is...semi-irrelevant. all that was goin thru my mind when i left was that i should give it some time, that i should take it down a notch, that these people are still my brothers and sisters, that i can see some of what i truly want from there. it's funny how the conversation before with someone on the train kinda foreshadowed this; was stressing the relational quality of it all, and that is what makes me want to be there. true building of these relationships, and an escape from the normalcy that life and college life presents.
walking thru the warzone of parties, bars, and the night crowd, was able to catch the last trains from 40th as well as city hall. the wings sauce was leaking from the bag, and there were some mentally distraught ppl on the train as well. got back to campus around 1ish, anticipating some good eats.
the night was a muddle soon after. all i know is that somewhere in my mind, psychosis can be beneficial, but it needs to be controlled. also, i gotta take my contacts out sooner. damn though...
woke up to take them out, and the last thing that stirred up a thought came from the custodian; "do this [job] to get free education? i'll do it." so many wise implications from that statement..
day 5 of sleep deprivation. startin to think it might be something else entirely this time
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
fruit, mozzerella balls, garlic bread, pizza, grapeade
2 weeks until thanksgiving weekend-where has all the time gone?
last couple days, been goin thru the motions fer classes. histry we talked more about the feminist movement. also watched mona lisa smile. pretty drawn out in terms of a movie, lemme see if a woman directed it (jk, nope). finished up my lil stint with nietzsche and dostoeyevsky. moving back to camus and prolly a review of sartre fer the final week. business has also been repetitive fer the most part. got a decent score on my test-makes me wonder if i should not go to classes again, since it seems to be workin out.
next couple of weeks, gotta be able to finish those long span projects. amazing how much time we got to do this stuff, but w'all know, ervyone procrastinates. hmm, i do believe that the person who finally is able to step outta that rut, they will conquer earth like rita repulsa. or maybe get some rest-either way works with me.
time to get some work done...
===================================================================
as i hear all these issues of civil rights, feminism, and existentialism among other things, i find that the one thing in common they all share is people fight for these things, because of relative sensibility. relative not in the sense of "right for you, right for me", but relative as in illustrating the obvious as well as subtle differences between all of them.
people fought for these issues because what they believed in made sense for them in their situation. oppressed people wanted equality because it was on the basis of belief that humans are inherently born equal. we are born with nothing, and die with nothing. perhaps we may be born into hostile or comfortable circumstance. however, we all deserve the same right of treatment, the fairness of freedom and justice, without having labels, assumptions, or power lorded over us.
feminists felt that equality was something to be strived for because of the stark objectification and idealist situation that they felt complacent enough to be a part of. women thought that their main goal fer the most part was to get educated, find a man, get married, and take care of home, husband and kids. that fell into conflict with the liberated woman, a woman who felt that she was not defined solely by the men around her, but that she had a unique identity. she had been strengthened by her will, her intellect, her essence of being a woman. it is because of that that women were objecting these perceived notions of submission and subservience. and it made sense to them too-equality and change were necessary not only for society to progress, but also for society to integrate.
existentialism taught me about the feeling of nothingness in this world, that perhaps there is no real purpose, that death is the last feeling, and that everything before or after is merely nothing. it's pretty drab in terms of a philosophy-most of the things that i believe deal with how to interact with others and i guess basic commonalities of behavior and desires. that's probably more psychology, but to the root, they are the same. once again, people felt that life was not exactly peachy keen for them, and so they lived their lives, voicing their disgust, their opinions, what they believed to be true. they're not crazy either, but i think their line of thinking is too exclusive to relate to people of here and now. they are the underground man, it seems.
fer me, the truth of the matter is i do what i feel makes sense. some people say that i may be cold hearted, that i seem insensitive, unwilling to compromise, or to even allow newness to come into my life. the perspective i hold is a clash between human emotion and operational efficiency. in time, i know that i will regret some of the decisions i made. some were made clearly on the basis of looking at the short term, that i realize that the brevity of time on such opportunities makes it necessary to capitalize now. other times, i will put myself in the situation of the hated in order to get things done. however, i try to see things in terms of the big picture. sometimes i will bite the bullet and do things that people really don't want, and they will feel pain. but if they look inside my head, my heart, my being, they will know i meant well.
===================================================================
fer lack of a better word, karma. broke a chair, been a chair. helped my friends, get helped too. despise myself, hurt myself. all works out in the end somehow.
last couple days, been goin thru the motions fer classes. histry we talked more about the feminist movement. also watched mona lisa smile. pretty drawn out in terms of a movie, lemme see if a woman directed it (jk, nope). finished up my lil stint with nietzsche and dostoeyevsky. moving back to camus and prolly a review of sartre fer the final week. business has also been repetitive fer the most part. got a decent score on my test-makes me wonder if i should not go to classes again, since it seems to be workin out.
next couple of weeks, gotta be able to finish those long span projects. amazing how much time we got to do this stuff, but w'all know, ervyone procrastinates. hmm, i do believe that the person who finally is able to step outta that rut, they will conquer earth like rita repulsa. or maybe get some rest-either way works with me.
time to get some work done...
===================================================================
as i hear all these issues of civil rights, feminism, and existentialism among other things, i find that the one thing in common they all share is people fight for these things, because of relative sensibility. relative not in the sense of "right for you, right for me", but relative as in illustrating the obvious as well as subtle differences between all of them.
people fought for these issues because what they believed in made sense for them in their situation. oppressed people wanted equality because it was on the basis of belief that humans are inherently born equal. we are born with nothing, and die with nothing. perhaps we may be born into hostile or comfortable circumstance. however, we all deserve the same right of treatment, the fairness of freedom and justice, without having labels, assumptions, or power lorded over us.
feminists felt that equality was something to be strived for because of the stark objectification and idealist situation that they felt complacent enough to be a part of. women thought that their main goal fer the most part was to get educated, find a man, get married, and take care of home, husband and kids. that fell into conflict with the liberated woman, a woman who felt that she was not defined solely by the men around her, but that she had a unique identity. she had been strengthened by her will, her intellect, her essence of being a woman. it is because of that that women were objecting these perceived notions of submission and subservience. and it made sense to them too-equality and change were necessary not only for society to progress, but also for society to integrate.
existentialism taught me about the feeling of nothingness in this world, that perhaps there is no real purpose, that death is the last feeling, and that everything before or after is merely nothing. it's pretty drab in terms of a philosophy-most of the things that i believe deal with how to interact with others and i guess basic commonalities of behavior and desires. that's probably more psychology, but to the root, they are the same. once again, people felt that life was not exactly peachy keen for them, and so they lived their lives, voicing their disgust, their opinions, what they believed to be true. they're not crazy either, but i think their line of thinking is too exclusive to relate to people of here and now. they are the underground man, it seems.
fer me, the truth of the matter is i do what i feel makes sense. some people say that i may be cold hearted, that i seem insensitive, unwilling to compromise, or to even allow newness to come into my life. the perspective i hold is a clash between human emotion and operational efficiency. in time, i know that i will regret some of the decisions i made. some were made clearly on the basis of looking at the short term, that i realize that the brevity of time on such opportunities makes it necessary to capitalize now. other times, i will put myself in the situation of the hated in order to get things done. however, i try to see things in terms of the big picture. sometimes i will bite the bullet and do things that people really don't want, and they will feel pain. but if they look inside my head, my heart, my being, they will know i meant well.
===================================================================
fer lack of a better word, karma. broke a chair, been a chair. helped my friends, get helped too. despise myself, hurt myself. all works out in the end somehow.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
fergot my food =(
my bed and kinetic energy are my ultimate drugs.
friday morn was havin sleep prolems again. shouldn't be eatin too late, i spose. went to lib fer histry class. learned bout the large amount of resources they have for advertising and american analysis. particularly would like to listen up to some that old jazz when i find the time.
philo, ran through the two stories of camus. found out that she still wants my midterm, dunno how i'm gonna trudge through this one. came back to base to nap and get some work done.
went out to the city, time got cut a bit short. next week, we're havin field day. semi-anticipatin it. headaches in the car on the way back.
thought the lan party was friday night, ended up breaking into olney accidentally. headed over to commuter lounge, played some pool, got some food.
was seein if people were doin nethin, nothin really. chilled for a bit at neuman, then back to base for sleep.
woke up again, couple hours later. phone calls, then back to sleep, then false alarms, then back to sleep. whole day was spent crack nappin and eating. gotta try to get some work done tnight, or get sleep...prolly sleep.
===================================================================
lights-i'm lookin for them and wantin to be one. that pretty much sums up my goals for the next 30 years.
===================================================================
recognizing patterns and being self-aware; it lulls us into a false sense of control. you always gotta be on your feet, no matter how vested in time, experience or skill you are.
friday morn was havin sleep prolems again. shouldn't be eatin too late, i spose. went to lib fer histry class. learned bout the large amount of resources they have for advertising and american analysis. particularly would like to listen up to some that old jazz when i find the time.
philo, ran through the two stories of camus. found out that she still wants my midterm, dunno how i'm gonna trudge through this one. came back to base to nap and get some work done.
went out to the city, time got cut a bit short. next week, we're havin field day. semi-anticipatin it. headaches in the car on the way back.
thought the lan party was friday night, ended up breaking into olney accidentally. headed over to commuter lounge, played some pool, got some food.
was seein if people were doin nethin, nothin really. chilled for a bit at neuman, then back to base for sleep.
woke up again, couple hours later. phone calls, then back to sleep, then false alarms, then back to sleep. whole day was spent crack nappin and eating. gotta try to get some work done tnight, or get sleep...prolly sleep.
===================================================================
lights-i'm lookin for them and wantin to be one. that pretty much sums up my goals for the next 30 years.
===================================================================
recognizing patterns and being self-aware; it lulls us into a false sense of control. you always gotta be on your feet, no matter how vested in time, experience or skill you are.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
2 soups, 3 slices bread, pineapple, chicken tenders, jello, grapeade, 2 cookies
what's a 6 letter word for loser? Nasdaq.
attempted to get some long sleep tday, but was mentally woken up. got some breakfast, then worked on some overdue business hw. went to forensics, learned about blood spatter and the tricks behind identification and location. pretty sweet old school learning.
came back to base, got some ice cream from a friend, chilled in room for a bit. went to dinner at treetops but went to b&g after hearin "taco bar". dinner was aright, but some of the stuff was either overcooked or left out a bit long. stupid soup burnin finger too.
back to base again. maybe do some work or take a longer nap.
=====================================================================
at dinner, went to get a plate fer my wings. no plates around, since it was late, and the glass ones don't hold as much. went to the sandwich area to get one, and they decided to be real "richards" about it. it always seems it's from any sandwich place, and only the sandwich places.
the larger picture behind it is you sayin no, while clearly you are in a position where you're obligated and hired to serve others. furthermore, you're in a position of serving and you chose to be in that position, most likely for monetary compensation. what the hell are you doing refusing service to people? that's your friggin reponsibility.
it also seems that they coincidentally have the same look. for me, i'm a guy that hates stereotyping. usually i speak from personal experience and kinda investigate what "the truth" is before making my own judgments. however, it's becoming kinda sad that it boils down to whom respect is gonna be given solely based on outer appearance and connotation.
basically don't pull that disrespect on people. there's no good reason to type anyone, nor is there any reason to deny service solely because you felt you needed a power trip. like jay-z said, if you got problems, i feel bad for you, son. but if you're gonna act as the problem and not the solver, then step away from people when you do it.
well, i haven't served my country yet, but i've served my share of people. taken their trash, their insults, their disgust and hatred, and absolute nonsense. extend some courtesy to people; you wanna treat others like animals or non-humans, then i'm glad to oblige and lodge a chair in your forehead.
====================================================================
damn it usher, you were and are still spot on.
attempted to get some long sleep tday, but was mentally woken up. got some breakfast, then worked on some overdue business hw. went to forensics, learned about blood spatter and the tricks behind identification and location. pretty sweet old school learning.
came back to base, got some ice cream from a friend, chilled in room for a bit. went to dinner at treetops but went to b&g after hearin "taco bar". dinner was aright, but some of the stuff was either overcooked or left out a bit long. stupid soup burnin finger too.
back to base again. maybe do some work or take a longer nap.
=====================================================================
at dinner, went to get a plate fer my wings. no plates around, since it was late, and the glass ones don't hold as much. went to the sandwich area to get one, and they decided to be real "richards" about it. it always seems it's from any sandwich place, and only the sandwich places.
the larger picture behind it is you sayin no, while clearly you are in a position where you're obligated and hired to serve others. furthermore, you're in a position of serving and you chose to be in that position, most likely for monetary compensation. what the hell are you doing refusing service to people? that's your friggin reponsibility.
it also seems that they coincidentally have the same look. for me, i'm a guy that hates stereotyping. usually i speak from personal experience and kinda investigate what "the truth" is before making my own judgments. however, it's becoming kinda sad that it boils down to whom respect is gonna be given solely based on outer appearance and connotation.
basically don't pull that disrespect on people. there's no good reason to type anyone, nor is there any reason to deny service solely because you felt you needed a power trip. like jay-z said, if you got problems, i feel bad for you, son. but if you're gonna act as the problem and not the solver, then step away from people when you do it.
well, i haven't served my country yet, but i've served my share of people. taken their trash, their insults, their disgust and hatred, and absolute nonsense. extend some courtesy to people; you wanna treat others like animals or non-humans, then i'm glad to oblige and lodge a chair in your forehead.
====================================================================
damn it usher, you were and are still spot on.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
election day revelation.
so today was the day to go vote fer your favorite candidate, or "the lesser of two evils", or whoever best represents your ideals. so far, i think race has been a prevalent factor characterizing decisions. mostly every caucasian person i know advocated for mccain, while minorities and such got obama on their minds. maybe it's only a coincidence...
one of the thoughts that ran through my mind were among anyone, whether a family, group of friends, coworkers, whomever, if you had gone out to vote today. every vote for a candidate is a +1 and a vote for the other candidate is a -1 for your count, so this means if one person voted mccain, and one person voted obama, then in essence, we have gotten nowhere. might as well have stayed home if you guys knew who the other was gonna vote for, if in fact in equal proportions (1:1)
alongside with this thought was the one i commonly hold in that the voting system is a double edged sword in terms of "equality". in one sense, with each vote holding the same power, a racist, bigot, or informed voter has the same voice as someone who became educated, who sought out the issues, who really choose whom they thought was the best candidate. flipside of the coin is that the voice of the rich is the same of the poor. some greedy top 1 percentilist has the same bearing as a person who's been oppressed by welfare and poverty. of course, one could also bribe and influence people to vote a certain way, but that's another story for another time.
while in the bathroom thinkin about what to write for my econ project, i thought of two concepts that seemed relevant to the voting process: the prisoner's dilemma and the characteristics of an oligopoly.
the prisoner's dilemma refers to a hypothetical situation where two criminals are arrested for a crime which could lead to 20 years in prison. however, if one criminal gives up the other, the confessor is free, and the other serves 20 years. if neither criminal gives up the other, they each serve 6 months on a misdemeanor. if they both implicate each other, they both serve 10 years. the dilemma is that if a criminal keeps quiet, he serves either 20 years if his partner implicates him or 6 months if he does not. if the criminal implicates the other, he serves 10 years if his partner implicates him too, or goes away free if he does not. in both cases, it is the optimal strategy to implicate the other. in this scenario, both criminals implicate each other and serve 10 years, instead of only the 6 months if they both kept quiet.
the point of that is that people choose the best alternatives for themselves and forgo cooperation to serve themselves. in the situation of voting, assume there are two people in the world, person Democrat and Republican. if one person votes but the other does not, the other will die (since the winning political party will destroy the other). if they both vote, they will both die (since nothing has been accomplished). if neither votes, they will both live (since they both chose to cooperate together). much like the prisoner's dilemma, the best choice in both situations is to vote, leading both persons to vote.
the other part is the characteristic of an oligopoly and wasted resources. assume two people had to vote, but the voting area is in another city. both have to drive a car to get there. now, assume that if you vote, you earn a 10% bonus on your salary. if neither person votes, they both save the money they spent on gas to drive back and forth. if both persons vote, they don't get a bonus, and take in the cost of gas. of course, both persons will vote in order to get what they want, the votes tie up, and both persons lose out.
maybe i'm blowing it out of proportion. there's a moral reality and representation that comes with the voting process. one standing for their ideals, whether it be freedom of thought, independance, pro-life, pro-choice, healthcare, whether private or shared, social security, immigration, all that good stuff. the hard truth is, all this change....doesn't come by only voting for one person.... there are parties of people and powers, which are controlling the scenes from the back. we as a people need to know how to cooperate and work together instead of being fooled into naively thinking that one person alone is going to change our nation forever.
it is not that i do not have hope in people at all, but perhaps we are overstating the importance the election has on our country. if we wanted a better nation, then we should have been fighting for it every day, not only at the ballot booth.
one of the thoughts that ran through my mind were among anyone, whether a family, group of friends, coworkers, whomever, if you had gone out to vote today. every vote for a candidate is a +1 and a vote for the other candidate is a -1 for your count, so this means if one person voted mccain, and one person voted obama, then in essence, we have gotten nowhere. might as well have stayed home if you guys knew who the other was gonna vote for, if in fact in equal proportions (1:1)
alongside with this thought was the one i commonly hold in that the voting system is a double edged sword in terms of "equality". in one sense, with each vote holding the same power, a racist, bigot, or informed voter has the same voice as someone who became educated, who sought out the issues, who really choose whom they thought was the best candidate. flipside of the coin is that the voice of the rich is the same of the poor. some greedy top 1 percentilist has the same bearing as a person who's been oppressed by welfare and poverty. of course, one could also bribe and influence people to vote a certain way, but that's another story for another time.
while in the bathroom thinkin about what to write for my econ project, i thought of two concepts that seemed relevant to the voting process: the prisoner's dilemma and the characteristics of an oligopoly.
the prisoner's dilemma refers to a hypothetical situation where two criminals are arrested for a crime which could lead to 20 years in prison. however, if one criminal gives up the other, the confessor is free, and the other serves 20 years. if neither criminal gives up the other, they each serve 6 months on a misdemeanor. if they both implicate each other, they both serve 10 years. the dilemma is that if a criminal keeps quiet, he serves either 20 years if his partner implicates him or 6 months if he does not. if the criminal implicates the other, he serves 10 years if his partner implicates him too, or goes away free if he does not. in both cases, it is the optimal strategy to implicate the other. in this scenario, both criminals implicate each other and serve 10 years, instead of only the 6 months if they both kept quiet.
the point of that is that people choose the best alternatives for themselves and forgo cooperation to serve themselves. in the situation of voting, assume there are two people in the world, person Democrat and Republican. if one person votes but the other does not, the other will die (since the winning political party will destroy the other). if they both vote, they will both die (since nothing has been accomplished). if neither votes, they will both live (since they both chose to cooperate together). much like the prisoner's dilemma, the best choice in both situations is to vote, leading both persons to vote.
the other part is the characteristic of an oligopoly and wasted resources. assume two people had to vote, but the voting area is in another city. both have to drive a car to get there. now, assume that if you vote, you earn a 10% bonus on your salary. if neither person votes, they both save the money they spent on gas to drive back and forth. if both persons vote, they don't get a bonus, and take in the cost of gas. of course, both persons will vote in order to get what they want, the votes tie up, and both persons lose out.
maybe i'm blowing it out of proportion. there's a moral reality and representation that comes with the voting process. one standing for their ideals, whether it be freedom of thought, independance, pro-life, pro-choice, healthcare, whether private or shared, social security, immigration, all that good stuff. the hard truth is, all this change....doesn't come by only voting for one person.... there are parties of people and powers, which are controlling the scenes from the back. we as a people need to know how to cooperate and work together instead of being fooled into naively thinking that one person alone is going to change our nation forever.
it is not that i do not have hope in people at all, but perhaps we are overstating the importance the election has on our country. if we wanted a better nation, then we should have been fighting for it every day, not only at the ballot booth.
Monday, November 3, 2008
pineapple chunks, taco?, fries, grape juice
it's like a drug-constant motion.
woke up this mornin, and found out i missed the reset. did some read up on jean kilbourne's feminist piece. seems she really hates guys. did bring up a good point bout how objectification of anything leads a greater compensity of violence towards it. after all, that how people treated other races like animals an such. also, i find it easier to get angry at a thing than a person.
to philo, which i have decided to not do my philo thing anymore. will take the big hit, but nail everything else, if plans turn out right. camus has become my new worst enemy now, right next to gravity, and the sun.
lunch was short in order to cram for my finance test. haven't been to class fer a couple of weeks. wanna get this done and stave off the next weeks in sleep.
took the test. wasn't very phased that much, cept i had to make up some story about mortgage rates.
burned my fingers twice today, once at lunch with taco cheese and at night class with cocoa. gon fin a forensics case, and sleep good tnight fer the rush tmr.
===================================================================
tday, we're starting on camus and the myth of sissyphus. the premise of the writing is based on two questions that struck me. is life worth living and why not suicide? along those lines, the subject is absurdity and suicidal nihilism, which is positing that since there is no ultimate purpose in life, then to suicide is best. well, to answer those questions, one needs to define the terms and keep them in context. so let's get to the first question: is life worth living?
the first thing that came to me was that in to ascribe a worth, one has to put value on something. the next thought was worth in the context of alternatives. worth would mean that it was the best considerable option, given other alternatives. in the case of nihilism, the alternative is no life or in other words, death.
what's funny about that question is that you have to be alive to ask that question. also you need to assume that dead people cannot ascribe worth to anything, nor compare themselves to a living organism. furthermore, who is to say what life is? guess that camus has to assume a non-human non-physical being, like a spirit or metaphysical state. it's very messy what i'm saying, but essentially, one has to be alive to question if death is a better alternative. and if life as, perhaps human, is not worth living, then what form of life, if camus even meant non human, that was worth living?
camus also kinda screwed up in asking the second question: why not suicide? rationally, if that were the case, then the person who asks that question must die immediately, lest they run the risk of living the absurd life. is suicide a rational choice, and the living irrational? are we assumed to be rational beings?
the answer is yes, but we all do irrational things that aren't coherent with our internal logic. there was this bit i heard from NPR asking people two questions. if there was a lever that you could pull that would save 5 people from dying by killing 1 person, most people would pull the lever. however, if you could save those same 5 people by pushing the 1 person off a cliff, most people would say no. same actual result in terms of numbers, but there's a moral sense that contradicts this seemingly simple logic.
screw you camus.
===================================================================
planning makes me sad. the best experiences i've had in life came at the moment. no calendars, no events, no agendas. guess that's the way it's meant to be fer me.
woke up this mornin, and found out i missed the reset. did some read up on jean kilbourne's feminist piece. seems she really hates guys. did bring up a good point bout how objectification of anything leads a greater compensity of violence towards it. after all, that how people treated other races like animals an such. also, i find it easier to get angry at a thing than a person.
to philo, which i have decided to not do my philo thing anymore. will take the big hit, but nail everything else, if plans turn out right. camus has become my new worst enemy now, right next to gravity, and the sun.
lunch was short in order to cram for my finance test. haven't been to class fer a couple of weeks. wanna get this done and stave off the next weeks in sleep.
took the test. wasn't very phased that much, cept i had to make up some story about mortgage rates.
burned my fingers twice today, once at lunch with taco cheese and at night class with cocoa. gon fin a forensics case, and sleep good tnight fer the rush tmr.
===================================================================
tday, we're starting on camus and the myth of sissyphus. the premise of the writing is based on two questions that struck me. is life worth living and why not suicide? along those lines, the subject is absurdity and suicidal nihilism, which is positing that since there is no ultimate purpose in life, then to suicide is best. well, to answer those questions, one needs to define the terms and keep them in context. so let's get to the first question: is life worth living?
the first thing that came to me was that in to ascribe a worth, one has to put value on something. the next thought was worth in the context of alternatives. worth would mean that it was the best considerable option, given other alternatives. in the case of nihilism, the alternative is no life or in other words, death.
what's funny about that question is that you have to be alive to ask that question. also you need to assume that dead people cannot ascribe worth to anything, nor compare themselves to a living organism. furthermore, who is to say what life is? guess that camus has to assume a non-human non-physical being, like a spirit or metaphysical state. it's very messy what i'm saying, but essentially, one has to be alive to question if death is a better alternative. and if life as, perhaps human, is not worth living, then what form of life, if camus even meant non human, that was worth living?
camus also kinda screwed up in asking the second question: why not suicide? rationally, if that were the case, then the person who asks that question must die immediately, lest they run the risk of living the absurd life. is suicide a rational choice, and the living irrational? are we assumed to be rational beings?
the answer is yes, but we all do irrational things that aren't coherent with our internal logic. there was this bit i heard from NPR asking people two questions. if there was a lever that you could pull that would save 5 people from dying by killing 1 person, most people would pull the lever. however, if you could save those same 5 people by pushing the 1 person off a cliff, most people would say no. same actual result in terms of numbers, but there's a moral sense that contradicts this seemingly simple logic.
screw you camus.
===================================================================
planning makes me sad. the best experiences i've had in life came at the moment. no calendars, no events, no agendas. guess that's the way it's meant to be fer me.
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