in $$$ we trust.
woke up this morn, gettin some last minute readings done fer histry and philosophy. both very enlightening. one was a piece of how the corset contributed much to repression and propagation of womenly sexuality. the other was the play "no exit" by sartre-gave a look into human psychology when external factors pressure people.
histry was kinda lax-usually i don't like listenin to anything considered feminist, solely because there brings a connotation of a pushy woman to the point of being a brash man. however, the rights and goals they look for are pertinent to cross all barriers of social difference, whether man, woman, black, white, disabled, gay, whatever.
to philo now...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
wedding soup, grapeade, mushronion ricefish, sugar cookies, pears
took a couple days to get back to "reality"
vacation was bummish. at the end, all i felt was compelled to leave home. an arduous route back-took a bus at 2:00 am, and landed in NY in 3 hours. still dark and nothin open, had to kill 2 hours and find shelter. fortunately there was a starbucks open at 5:30. stuck around until 7 to catch the ride back.
took a day break or two. forensics test on thursday, followed by blown time. tday, got good news bout my histry midterm, but might end up on the precipice of failing philosophy. hopefully that doesn't come to be.
chilled fer a bit at base, then went out to LW. was feelin so so, bein semi-sick and all. long day tmr-hopefully i can fulfill all my obligations, if not, at least the important ones.
while comin back to my room, got hassled by an SDR booth person again. this is the 2nd time i've been mistaken for someone who doesn't go here. this means 2 things-one is that they're crap at their jobs, and the other is that i don't look like someone who goes here. that makes me feel all warm inside.
gon take a nap, and wish my people well.
===================================================================
dunno what i wanna do right now. last couple days, really felt like quittin school. if i had to give a reason why, no reason, only feelings. tnight was kinda diggin into me. still tryin to "find my place" in this world. but small group study kinda gave me the light bulb inspiration to do somethin. will embark on this in the next couple of weeks, and by then, control will be established.
====================================================================
for what you do, and what you believe, be loud, proud, and to the clouds.
vacation was bummish. at the end, all i felt was compelled to leave home. an arduous route back-took a bus at 2:00 am, and landed in NY in 3 hours. still dark and nothin open, had to kill 2 hours and find shelter. fortunately there was a starbucks open at 5:30. stuck around until 7 to catch the ride back.
took a day break or two. forensics test on thursday, followed by blown time. tday, got good news bout my histry midterm, but might end up on the precipice of failing philosophy. hopefully that doesn't come to be.
chilled fer a bit at base, then went out to LW. was feelin so so, bein semi-sick and all. long day tmr-hopefully i can fulfill all my obligations, if not, at least the important ones.
while comin back to my room, got hassled by an SDR booth person again. this is the 2nd time i've been mistaken for someone who doesn't go here. this means 2 things-one is that they're crap at their jobs, and the other is that i don't look like someone who goes here. that makes me feel all warm inside.
gon take a nap, and wish my people well.
===================================================================
dunno what i wanna do right now. last couple days, really felt like quittin school. if i had to give a reason why, no reason, only feelings. tnight was kinda diggin into me. still tryin to "find my place" in this world. but small group study kinda gave me the light bulb inspiration to do somethin. will embark on this in the next couple of weeks, and by then, control will be established.
====================================================================
for what you do, and what you believe, be loud, proud, and to the clouds.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
congee, fried dough
and vacation is half over already.
woke up groggy, but psyched to go to church at home. ate breakfast in the cafeteria. saw a game called submarine by the children's ministry. will have to learn how to augment later.
service and ss were alrigh. was able to catch up with some people. not everybody or all the people i wantd to catch up with, but you take what you can get. went to mcdonalds after to get lunch, but wasn't feelin fast food. wanted to get some local food instead. so went to catch dimsum with ma.
dim sum wasn't where i expected it though, or with the people i thought. ended up goin to jin in saugus. saw a friend's parents there, and learned that fish are very similar to humans, in that they always flock back to the herd when separated.
went to the saugus mall after to find a new backpack. will talk more about it in the main reflection part.
back to base. screwed up again and forgot to empty my food. gettin used to my new phone, but gotta look more into getting a cheaper one in the future.
====================================================================
so i usually hate going to the mall, mainly because i hate consumerism. the mall doesn't facilitate that. usually i'm a straight-forward guy, only lookin for what i need and nothin else. but in order to find it, i have to look around. went around and the only backpacks that were available were overpriced, and small, like purses. also, hot pink isn't my style. so decided to sit down, lax, and watch the people passin by. what i saw were the victims of the mall.
no one was spared. people of all ages and backgrounds were hit. saw women covered too much in makeup and eyeliner. monotonous outfits and styles. guys who looked like wannabe gangsters. even the children, purses, boots, hoodies, polos and all. seems to be no escape from it.
the first time i sat down, there was this grandma who also sat next to me. she had some sort of breathing problem, and sounded like a kazoo on beat. moved over to the bench across the way. some kids were knockin it, and then stopped. then this kid, couldn't have been 5 years old, sat next to me on the bench and called me a mothafacker....continued to write the note on the phone.
eventually i was able to get a backpack, but going to the mall brewed up all this negativity, which i thought wasn't worth it. the only redeeming quality i found is that i gotta work on my "tolerance" and acceptance levels, and how to extend grace to others, even if the world around seems so bland, and artificial.
but i guess it's my beef and my beef alone. only wishin that some people in my life would not be struck too..
====================================================================
today, learned of how there are good days and bad days and that Christians only have "days". their days should not be so bad, that they feel unable to reach God's grace, nor should they feel so good as not to need God's grace either.
that's my life-a big neutral feeling. not a day goes by when a good day isn't balanced out by crappiness, but when the feces hits the fan, there's always someone to lift me up out of it too.
woke up groggy, but psyched to go to church at home. ate breakfast in the cafeteria. saw a game called submarine by the children's ministry. will have to learn how to augment later.
service and ss were alrigh. was able to catch up with some people. not everybody or all the people i wantd to catch up with, but you take what you can get. went to mcdonalds after to get lunch, but wasn't feelin fast food. wanted to get some local food instead. so went to catch dimsum with ma.
dim sum wasn't where i expected it though, or with the people i thought. ended up goin to jin in saugus. saw a friend's parents there, and learned that fish are very similar to humans, in that they always flock back to the herd when separated.
went to the saugus mall after to find a new backpack. will talk more about it in the main reflection part.
back to base. screwed up again and forgot to empty my food. gettin used to my new phone, but gotta look more into getting a cheaper one in the future.
====================================================================
so i usually hate going to the mall, mainly because i hate consumerism. the mall doesn't facilitate that. usually i'm a straight-forward guy, only lookin for what i need and nothin else. but in order to find it, i have to look around. went around and the only backpacks that were available were overpriced, and small, like purses. also, hot pink isn't my style. so decided to sit down, lax, and watch the people passin by. what i saw were the victims of the mall.
no one was spared. people of all ages and backgrounds were hit. saw women covered too much in makeup and eyeliner. monotonous outfits and styles. guys who looked like wannabe gangsters. even the children, purses, boots, hoodies, polos and all. seems to be no escape from it.
the first time i sat down, there was this grandma who also sat next to me. she had some sort of breathing problem, and sounded like a kazoo on beat. moved over to the bench across the way. some kids were knockin it, and then stopped. then this kid, couldn't have been 5 years old, sat next to me on the bench and called me a mothafacker....continued to write the note on the phone.
eventually i was able to get a backpack, but going to the mall brewed up all this negativity, which i thought wasn't worth it. the only redeeming quality i found is that i gotta work on my "tolerance" and acceptance levels, and how to extend grace to others, even if the world around seems so bland, and artificial.
but i guess it's my beef and my beef alone. only wishin that some people in my life would not be struck too..
====================================================================
today, learned of how there are good days and bad days and that Christians only have "days". their days should not be so bad, that they feel unable to reach God's grace, nor should they feel so good as not to need God's grace either.
that's my life-a big neutral feeling. not a day goes by when a good day isn't balanced out by crappiness, but when the feces hits the fan, there's always someone to lift me up out of it too.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
spicy chicken crisps, whopper jr., fries, blue water
glad to be fackin back home
weird dream last night. every sense was magnified. could feel items from the mind, and even felt the force of a blown kiss. was really trippy, but i liked it. woke up, fumbling in the dark to gather my stuff. headed to chinatown to catch the bus to nyc. caught the bus from nyc back home. took less time than it usually does.
went to repair some supplies. new shoes, some sweaters, new phone. worst buy was probably the 35 i spent on some paper though. chilled with ivan fer a bit, then came back to base. dinner time and laxing.
weird dream last night. every sense was magnified. could feel items from the mind, and even felt the force of a blown kiss. was really trippy, but i liked it. woke up, fumbling in the dark to gather my stuff. headed to chinatown to catch the bus to nyc. caught the bus from nyc back home. took less time than it usually does.
went to repair some supplies. new shoes, some sweaters, new phone. worst buy was probably the 35 i spent on some paper though. chilled with ivan fer a bit, then came back to base. dinner time and laxing.
Friday, October 17, 2008
vegetarian vegetable soup, dijon rotisserie beef, pizza, grapeade
end of the tunnel is a light-they say it's the train. fer me it's the way back.
spent all morning playing games instead of getting work done. came in late to forensics class, learned about paint and saw an hour long episode of fbi files. apparently for causing 54 federal violations of law, including triple homicide, you only get life without parole at the federal level. ridonkulous.
stayed around at lab to find out the pattern of a game. read about the bombshell of updates and figured that perhaps this is the beginning of the end. dinner at b and g, then back to base.
headed out to center city to catch the grand inquisitor on penn campus. found out they have a lockout policy if you're late to the show-damn moneygrubbers. walked from 36th street to center city in search of an ice cream or smoothie shop. there was this one place on 18th and sansom? that had some expensive but creative ice creams. captain crunch, cookies and cream, and one other ingredient. fergot what it was.
came back to base. gettin hounded by the outside and in. wantin to take a nap, but also stay up to dream. red sox are still in it, i hear...
===================================================================
small steps to building my future tonight.
===================================================================
we weren't born traitors.
spent all morning playing games instead of getting work done. came in late to forensics class, learned about paint and saw an hour long episode of fbi files. apparently for causing 54 federal violations of law, including triple homicide, you only get life without parole at the federal level. ridonkulous.
stayed around at lab to find out the pattern of a game. read about the bombshell of updates and figured that perhaps this is the beginning of the end. dinner at b and g, then back to base.
headed out to center city to catch the grand inquisitor on penn campus. found out they have a lockout policy if you're late to the show-damn moneygrubbers. walked from 36th street to center city in search of an ice cream or smoothie shop. there was this one place on 18th and sansom? that had some expensive but creative ice creams. captain crunch, cookies and cream, and one other ingredient. fergot what it was.
came back to base. gettin hounded by the outside and in. wantin to take a nap, but also stay up to dream. red sox are still in it, i hear...
===================================================================
small steps to building my future tonight.
===================================================================
we weren't born traitors.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
pizza, hungarian mushroom soup, sloppy joes, grapeade. fruits, angel cake
this note will be the break for my sanity for the next 2 days.
woke up early to cram for nutrition exam. could not store information at all. thought the forensics case was due today, but it's actually thursday, so now i won't have to make up an excuse fer not havin it.
had a lecture about hair in forensics and did a microscope lab with it. rabbit hair is invisible, i swear.
more studyin for nutrtion test, not even the powerpoints are helpin. as long as i don't fail this one, i'm good for perhaps the semester. still have to do the dietary analysis though. will prolly cheat and eat all prepackaged foods for the numbers.
after this test, prolly gonna head to library to pick up some research so that i can crank out a draft fer econ and also gotta study for part 2 of histry test. no sleep tnight and tmr, cause of philo midterm as well. hope the grand inquisitor is ostentatious and showy-gon need a distraction for sleep.
after basically failing the nutrition test, came back to base. got some extra (but little) time to relax before the all night workathon. wish me well.
====================================================================
in next couple of days, will be planning out how i'm spending my vacation. this time i'm gonna do it a bit more methodically instead of hopin or doing whatever i feel like. won't feel like wasted time. would want to take care of business, family, friends, self, and catchin up with some ol roots.
feels good to be goal oriented, keeps you in focus, at least fer the time being. walkin back here, i can find myself gettin distracted by the world around. visual stimuli, bills to pay, people to talk to, important issues and the whatnot. but that only roots you in stubbornness if you seek one thing, and don't get it at that point.
point being, is you can't get stuck in your ways, your own desires. although they may be important, you gotta be ready to change, to give it up fer the better, for others, for a greater cause. what that cause may be, well...that's up to you, but you should never fear or avoid the potential hurt in order to change and grow and ultimately get what you were seeking.
====================================================================
all i want to do is wake up again.
woke up early to cram for nutrition exam. could not store information at all. thought the forensics case was due today, but it's actually thursday, so now i won't have to make up an excuse fer not havin it.
had a lecture about hair in forensics and did a microscope lab with it. rabbit hair is invisible, i swear.
more studyin for nutrtion test, not even the powerpoints are helpin. as long as i don't fail this one, i'm good for perhaps the semester. still have to do the dietary analysis though. will prolly cheat and eat all prepackaged foods for the numbers.
after this test, prolly gonna head to library to pick up some research so that i can crank out a draft fer econ and also gotta study for part 2 of histry test. no sleep tnight and tmr, cause of philo midterm as well. hope the grand inquisitor is ostentatious and showy-gon need a distraction for sleep.
after basically failing the nutrition test, came back to base. got some extra (but little) time to relax before the all night workathon. wish me well.
====================================================================
in next couple of days, will be planning out how i'm spending my vacation. this time i'm gonna do it a bit more methodically instead of hopin or doing whatever i feel like. won't feel like wasted time. would want to take care of business, family, friends, self, and catchin up with some ol roots.
feels good to be goal oriented, keeps you in focus, at least fer the time being. walkin back here, i can find myself gettin distracted by the world around. visual stimuli, bills to pay, people to talk to, important issues and the whatnot. but that only roots you in stubbornness if you seek one thing, and don't get it at that point.
point being, is you can't get stuck in your ways, your own desires. although they may be important, you gotta be ready to change, to give it up fer the better, for others, for a greater cause. what that cause may be, well...that's up to you, but you should never fear or avoid the potential hurt in order to change and grow and ultimately get what you were seeking.
====================================================================
all i want to do is wake up again.
Monday, October 13, 2008
birthday note
screw my school. no mail, no holiday-wtf....wish i were back in new england.
woke up early to do some crammin fer histry midterm. breakfast was lame: a couple strips a bacon, small fruit bowl, grapeade and golden grahams. apparently, the small bowl is called a monkey bowl for official reasons...
took the first part of the histry midterm. some of the easier questions were actually worth more, but wasn't feelin too awake to do them. does anyone know who richard hunter is? seemed to be a random name for the identification part.
lunch was so-so. turkey, potatos, pears, more grapeade. apparently the best thing they had today was the veggie tempura. makes me eat my vegtables if you deep fry em or somin...
fell asleep in the library, woke up some time later. came back to base-watched the warriors. was an ok movie-next time i shouldn't read the spoilers =/ more of a popcorn flick than a thinker of a film.
checked the internets some, did some business hw. business class was drawn out about bonds, premiums, yields and risks again. seems like we could do a whole course on those things, or perhaps shorten class time to an hr...yeesh. also saw some sartre philosophy of existence preceding essence when some guy got reamed for plagarism.
back to base again, find there's a hole in my butt (pants). needin to keep on schedule fer next couple days by doin some more work.
====================================================================
oy, thought i was gonna not think bout the wife/companion search for a while. but it dawned on me, seein that some ppl round my age were already engaged or married, whatnot.
when i look back, i think of the girls that i've been infatuated with, what connections i had with them, and what drew us together. cannot lie that some of them were physical, others stimulated intellectually, and some spiritually. but it didn't seem like it was fully there. that is to say, they had this going, but had this lacking.
this leads me to believe that multiple needs had to be fulfilled. certain relationships would fill this gap, but it's with different people. then i realized, that's like cheapening human interaction, outsourcing what people do best-thinking too much like an profiteer or an economist.
ran into the same problem before, when i tried leaving someone cause i said i couldn't fulfill their needs. but the truth was, that they didn't care about that, that they didn't want the person that was better at so and so, could do this or that; they wanted the person-they wanted me.
and so from that past revelation and from today, i'm led to two conclusions. one is that my major or its basic line of thinking counteracts most of the human gains and societal welfare behind it. efficiency, comparative advantage and machiavellian action create the bottom lines. if i were to be a better person, not only for her, but for my family, my friends, even fer my enemies, i gotta let go of the notion that results and hard numbers aren't the goals fer life all the time. it's ok to be imperfect and imprecise. that's why you're loved, yo. that's who you are, and your "family" is gonna take you for that.
the other is that you can't compartmentalize human emotion and relationships. they gotta come coherently together. it's not the case where you can pick and choose, that you can't discard solely because it doesn't fit like a puzzle piece. the whole package of a person is one-taken and valued for everything. some people may be emotionally gripping, some may be physically attractive, some may pique your intellect, whatever. that one person-you want it, cherish it, love it all.
the mark of a man is made by his mistakes, but also how he learns and does what is right from it. in getting older (grah), my wish is to remain timeless like the values and ideals i've been tryin to seek fer so long. it's not about being perfect or impressing people, it's about being there and doin the right thing, the hard thing, the necessary thing when the time is right.
====================================================================
in desperation, one seeks the easy way out. seen it in my games, seen it in schoolwork, seen it on tv. standin and fightin strong is what we gotta do now and on.
woke up early to do some crammin fer histry midterm. breakfast was lame: a couple strips a bacon, small fruit bowl, grapeade and golden grahams. apparently, the small bowl is called a monkey bowl for official reasons...
took the first part of the histry midterm. some of the easier questions were actually worth more, but wasn't feelin too awake to do them. does anyone know who richard hunter is? seemed to be a random name for the identification part.
lunch was so-so. turkey, potatos, pears, more grapeade. apparently the best thing they had today was the veggie tempura. makes me eat my vegtables if you deep fry em or somin...
fell asleep in the library, woke up some time later. came back to base-watched the warriors. was an ok movie-next time i shouldn't read the spoilers =/ more of a popcorn flick than a thinker of a film.
checked the internets some, did some business hw. business class was drawn out about bonds, premiums, yields and risks again. seems like we could do a whole course on those things, or perhaps shorten class time to an hr...yeesh. also saw some sartre philosophy of existence preceding essence when some guy got reamed for plagarism.
back to base again, find there's a hole in my butt (pants). needin to keep on schedule fer next couple days by doin some more work.
====================================================================
oy, thought i was gonna not think bout the wife/companion search for a while. but it dawned on me, seein that some ppl round my age were already engaged or married, whatnot.
when i look back, i think of the girls that i've been infatuated with, what connections i had with them, and what drew us together. cannot lie that some of them were physical, others stimulated intellectually, and some spiritually. but it didn't seem like it was fully there. that is to say, they had this going, but had this lacking.
this leads me to believe that multiple needs had to be fulfilled. certain relationships would fill this gap, but it's with different people. then i realized, that's like cheapening human interaction, outsourcing what people do best-thinking too much like an profiteer or an economist.
ran into the same problem before, when i tried leaving someone cause i said i couldn't fulfill their needs. but the truth was, that they didn't care about that, that they didn't want the person that was better at so and so, could do this or that; they wanted the person-they wanted me.
and so from that past revelation and from today, i'm led to two conclusions. one is that my major or its basic line of thinking counteracts most of the human gains and societal welfare behind it. efficiency, comparative advantage and machiavellian action create the bottom lines. if i were to be a better person, not only for her, but for my family, my friends, even fer my enemies, i gotta let go of the notion that results and hard numbers aren't the goals fer life all the time. it's ok to be imperfect and imprecise. that's why you're loved, yo. that's who you are, and your "family" is gonna take you for that.
the other is that you can't compartmentalize human emotion and relationships. they gotta come coherently together. it's not the case where you can pick and choose, that you can't discard solely because it doesn't fit like a puzzle piece. the whole package of a person is one-taken and valued for everything. some people may be emotionally gripping, some may be physically attractive, some may pique your intellect, whatever. that one person-you want it, cherish it, love it all.
the mark of a man is made by his mistakes, but also how he learns and does what is right from it. in getting older (grah), my wish is to remain timeless like the values and ideals i've been tryin to seek fer so long. it's not about being perfect or impressing people, it's about being there and doin the right thing, the hard thing, the necessary thing when the time is right.
====================================================================
in desperation, one seeks the easy way out. seen it in my games, seen it in schoolwork, seen it on tv. standin and fightin strong is what we gotta do now and on.
Friday, October 10, 2008
chicken salad, shrimp cutlet, chocochip cookie, grapeade, italian wedding soup
my mind never sleeps, but my body has to.
woken up at 4:30 thinkin about people. got an extra bread from doing so. went back to sleep and woke up again before my alarm at 9:20. took a hack at reading sartre's "nausea" fer class. did not draw any philsophical meaning from it. maybe that was the point :shrugs:
to histry, where we picked up some more material we needed to study for the mid term. apparently coney island was a place of sexual freedom and vibrancy. Furthermore, people became reactionaries and muckrakers to all the social injustice and working conditions for the lower and working classes. seems to me that if we have this struggle all the time throughout history, then perhaps we have really not learned nor decided to change from it at all. maybe complacency, maybe apathy. all i know is representatives are needed from each class for each class across classes and open a link of communication and steps towards improvement.
talked to my econ professors bout the seminar paper. sigh of relief when i found out that i don't have to condense all my findings into one sentence. got a couple of resources and more ideas towards how i want to explain business failure rates. might decide to go back to school after graduation, but my spirits are not there as of right now.
the talks went so long that i basically skipped philo class. or rather, i came in with 5 minutes left fer class. the mid term is a take home and due wednesday. also, we're seein a play on one of the books we read, and consequently don't have class on friday. after thinkin about this, prolly not good. give up 3 hours to avoid 1? blah....this play better cure cancer.
brunch was simple but filling. bag broke a second time this week. gon have to either get a new one, or replace it with one from home.
in library righ now after doing som more research. the call for doin work is strong, but i'm tired again. need some sleep drugs, or ppl.
went back to sleep fer some more. got woken up by field music again. they play it evrytime they have a practice....so lame...
got picked up, went to banana leaf. had some generic wonton noodle soup. semi filling but kinda expensive. went to this ktv karaoke place, which killed the mood so much. would not recommend the place ever, unless you gotta stash drugs.
back to base, caught up for casino night. won an entourage dvd, and some crappy poker player got an iPod nano, while another got airfare tickets. tellin ya, there's some kinda balance in the world, as bad as it is.
now plannin what to do fer the weekend. maybe a lil birthday dinner, or maybe wings in the lounge again. blah.
===================================================================
some unchivalrous deeds tonight and made me switch up perspectives quick. wondering if this is that call for responsibility i'm lookin for and dreadin at the same time.
===================================================================
events happen once. concepts happen forever.
woken up at 4:30 thinkin about people. got an extra bread from doing so. went back to sleep and woke up again before my alarm at 9:20. took a hack at reading sartre's "nausea" fer class. did not draw any philsophical meaning from it. maybe that was the point :shrugs:
to histry, where we picked up some more material we needed to study for the mid term. apparently coney island was a place of sexual freedom and vibrancy. Furthermore, people became reactionaries and muckrakers to all the social injustice and working conditions for the lower and working classes. seems to me that if we have this struggle all the time throughout history, then perhaps we have really not learned nor decided to change from it at all. maybe complacency, maybe apathy. all i know is representatives are needed from each class for each class across classes and open a link of communication and steps towards improvement.
talked to my econ professors bout the seminar paper. sigh of relief when i found out that i don't have to condense all my findings into one sentence. got a couple of resources and more ideas towards how i want to explain business failure rates. might decide to go back to school after graduation, but my spirits are not there as of right now.
the talks went so long that i basically skipped philo class. or rather, i came in with 5 minutes left fer class. the mid term is a take home and due wednesday. also, we're seein a play on one of the books we read, and consequently don't have class on friday. after thinkin about this, prolly not good. give up 3 hours to avoid 1? blah....this play better cure cancer.
brunch was simple but filling. bag broke a second time this week. gon have to either get a new one, or replace it with one from home.
in library righ now after doing som more research. the call for doin work is strong, but i'm tired again. need some sleep drugs, or ppl.
went back to sleep fer some more. got woken up by field music again. they play it evrytime they have a practice....so lame...
got picked up, went to banana leaf. had some generic wonton noodle soup. semi filling but kinda expensive. went to this ktv karaoke place, which killed the mood so much. would not recommend the place ever, unless you gotta stash drugs.
back to base, caught up for casino night. won an entourage dvd, and some crappy poker player got an iPod nano, while another got airfare tickets. tellin ya, there's some kinda balance in the world, as bad as it is.
now plannin what to do fer the weekend. maybe a lil birthday dinner, or maybe wings in the lounge again. blah.
===================================================================
some unchivalrous deeds tonight and made me switch up perspectives quick. wondering if this is that call for responsibility i'm lookin for and dreadin at the same time.
===================================================================
events happen once. concepts happen forever.
Monday, October 6, 2008
pasta e fagioli, grapeade, jack's chick sandwich, fries
3 for 3 in being paired with crappy roommates.
went to sleep early to get some work done. got woken up mid morning by sounds of roommate flushing toilet and coughing his lungs out. yeah, i know he's sick, but it's intolerable.
went back to sleep and woke up again around 9:30 am. had 3 weird dreams that felt so vivid. one involved me being naked on bolyston street, walking into a victoria's secret, and finding money and what appeared to be my hoodie. another involved 4 other people finding a new church and subsequently splitting up in order to grab breakfast in the dorchester area. the last one involved 5 mono but separately colored birds. a blue bird named captain perry tried to shoot himself, but the bullet richocheted off his head. was something out of madagascar or somethin.
to histry, where we recapped abotu coney island and how it was a reactionary place to the victorian ideals america incorporated in the 1900s. entertainment and sexual freedom were at a rise, much like today.
philosophy, where we talked about sartre some more. we denied the determinism laid out upon us by our environment and instead reinforced self-determinism: man is not born a coward, but is a coward by his actions. my counterargument is that it is not the forces at play, but the magnitude to which the forces affect the will. it's about breaking points relative to the individual.
lunch, then went to the lab to get make up work done. went into a steroid sleep, and coincidentally learned about steroids too via MLB.com. apparently, viagra can double as a steroid. +1 for BALCO.
still gon be doing work prolly fer the whole day. this week is gonna be dependant upon how much work gets handed out in the next 3 days. 2 mid terms on monday, and a paper due on next wednesday, so it'll be a crunch if i can go home.
went to sleep early to get some work done. got woken up mid morning by sounds of roommate flushing toilet and coughing his lungs out. yeah, i know he's sick, but it's intolerable.
went back to sleep and woke up again around 9:30 am. had 3 weird dreams that felt so vivid. one involved me being naked on bolyston street, walking into a victoria's secret, and finding money and what appeared to be my hoodie. another involved 4 other people finding a new church and subsequently splitting up in order to grab breakfast in the dorchester area. the last one involved 5 mono but separately colored birds. a blue bird named captain perry tried to shoot himself, but the bullet richocheted off his head. was something out of madagascar or somethin.
to histry, where we recapped abotu coney island and how it was a reactionary place to the victorian ideals america incorporated in the 1900s. entertainment and sexual freedom were at a rise, much like today.
philosophy, where we talked about sartre some more. we denied the determinism laid out upon us by our environment and instead reinforced self-determinism: man is not born a coward, but is a coward by his actions. my counterargument is that it is not the forces at play, but the magnitude to which the forces affect the will. it's about breaking points relative to the individual.
lunch, then went to the lab to get make up work done. went into a steroid sleep, and coincidentally learned about steroids too via MLB.com. apparently, viagra can double as a steroid. +1 for BALCO.
still gon be doing work prolly fer the whole day. this week is gonna be dependant upon how much work gets handed out in the next 3 days. 2 mid terms on monday, and a paper due on next wednesday, so it'll be a crunch if i can go home.
Friday, October 3, 2008
baked fish, fries, apple pie, hungarian soup, grapeade
haven't watched baseball for a while. saw some last night, and all i wanna do is grab my crotch every inning, zambrano style, and take viagra (yknow, for the lulz)
still no good sleep. must need to work out or work out before sleeping. did some biological research, then headed to histry, where black civil rights were elaborated on. learned about plessy vs ferguson, brown vs board of ed, and the horrors of lynching. simply put, people were more radical and expressive in yesteryears.
philosophy, more about sartre. was able to prove i actually did some reading. class went smoothly, and we'll be talking more about him on monday. got an A on my paper and most ppl did too, so if i pass the midterm, i'll be set.
had some meetings with my professors bout the seminar paper. still no one readily available that i wanted to talk to. however, did cement a good direction as to how the paper's gonna go.
came back to base after brunch. contemplating what i have to do fer today and the week ahead.
====================================================================
today in philo class, we talked about responsibility of man and how he feels anxiety, both at responsibility and the possibilities that responsibility has lay before him. one thing that stood out was that there was this vicious cycle between acting and feeling. it's that we don't know what we feel, until we act. however we don't act, unless we are on feeling. my counterpoint is that in order to break or begin the cycle, one needs to think.
yesterday, i had a conversation with a friend and told him that mistakes can be predictable. some people make bad choices relative to what is good, and some people make the best choices based on what they do or can, even if the choice itself is murky.
another friend said don't let your emotions overcome your intelligence. in that aspect, it is prudent for us to understand and be educated on life, and what should be and shouldn't be. it is that sometimes we must learn not to overstate the importance of feelings in terms of logical calculation and sense.
it's perhaps pursuing a balance between not being a hedonist swayed to emotions and a logician, only going by the numbers.
====================================================================
tonight i will see what direction the fellowship will head, and tonight i'll make my decision as to whether stay here, or break.
still no good sleep. must need to work out or work out before sleeping. did some biological research, then headed to histry, where black civil rights were elaborated on. learned about plessy vs ferguson, brown vs board of ed, and the horrors of lynching. simply put, people were more radical and expressive in yesteryears.
philosophy, more about sartre. was able to prove i actually did some reading. class went smoothly, and we'll be talking more about him on monday. got an A on my paper and most ppl did too, so if i pass the midterm, i'll be set.
had some meetings with my professors bout the seminar paper. still no one readily available that i wanted to talk to. however, did cement a good direction as to how the paper's gonna go.
came back to base after brunch. contemplating what i have to do fer today and the week ahead.
====================================================================
today in philo class, we talked about responsibility of man and how he feels anxiety, both at responsibility and the possibilities that responsibility has lay before him. one thing that stood out was that there was this vicious cycle between acting and feeling. it's that we don't know what we feel, until we act. however we don't act, unless we are on feeling. my counterpoint is that in order to break or begin the cycle, one needs to think.
yesterday, i had a conversation with a friend and told him that mistakes can be predictable. some people make bad choices relative to what is good, and some people make the best choices based on what they do or can, even if the choice itself is murky.
another friend said don't let your emotions overcome your intelligence. in that aspect, it is prudent for us to understand and be educated on life, and what should be and shouldn't be. it is that sometimes we must learn not to overstate the importance of feelings in terms of logical calculation and sense.
it's perhaps pursuing a balance between not being a hedonist swayed to emotions and a logician, only going by the numbers.
====================================================================
tonight i will see what direction the fellowship will head, and tonight i'll make my decision as to whether stay here, or break.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
grapeade, seasoned rice, chicken ribs, frosted flakes
tried so hard...to sleep. couldn't do it.
was not able to get my 10 hours of sleep that i hoped for. ended up playing games online till 10 am, from 3:35 am...i suck. went back to sleep after a lil chat, woke up at 1ish to grab breakfast.
headed to forensics class. more about the atom, but also radiation and spectroscopy. apparently quantum mechanics fascinates me.
in the lab feeling not really awake, but caffeinated. my blood must create its own i guess.
======================================================
election season is coming. people have been on campus with clipboards and other things, tellin me to register and vote, and i throw them the same lie; i'm not an citizen of the united states. apparently it gets them off my back.
it dawned upon me that the country was built upon the idea of democracy, that we vote for our leaders, our ideas, our needs, our causes. in relation to the presidental election, a vote for a candidate (obama, mccain, some other third party) means an advocacy for their beliefs (i.e. what they stand for) but then i think about it again, and remember that i have such a distaste for the voting system. 2 things about it; the inequality/inadequacy of it, and the real purpose for it.
inadequacy/inequality (no racist intention here, only stating what i saw)
each person who is eligible to vote gets one vote. in this election from an average american, these are the two choices; black guy or old white guy. not the first time a white guy's ran, but it's the first time a black guy ran, which is pretty epic and monumental. the implications seem to outweigh the true matter at hand: reforming our country. but anyways...
i am deciding not to vote. it's not apathy, but it's this. every vote carries the same weight. so it's like this: i can vote for the better candidate, in terms of policies, stances, moral character, etc. in response, to negate my vote, some angry racist can vote mccain. that's how crapped up voting is: it makes no reference nor gives any validity to a vote, whether or not it is polished and thought out.
to the other side of the coin, yes...a rich aristocrat's vote is the same as a working class person, and for that, the system makes sense. however, the bottom line is this: money. cash rules everything around me-it ran the election process. it defines this country. it influences behavior (including the vote and laws passed in the House and Senate). the concept of voting for a democratic state exists, but it's so minor as to what actual forces are in play.
real purpose
so you're thinking, "i'm voting, in order to get the right candidate, to make a stand for what i believe in, to be empowered and united as a people for change" (not quoting obama, but the ideals of wanting the country to change has long been ingrained within me). for that, i am grateful to you as an american if you are proposing that on a noble stance.
however, on election day, the candidates aren't gonna care about that. all they're gonna care about is if they secured enough votes to become president. end of story.
to that end, obama doesn't need my vote. he may WANT my vote. he doesn't need MY vote, nor MY money. but he needs A vote, he needs SOMEONE'S money. we are faceless millions swept up and lost in a sea of anonymity. the candidates put on one hell of a show, and once they're in office, are they gonna care? are they gonna remember the hands they touched? the people they visited? the rallies they spoke at? the people they said they'd help? the true test of these people isn't what they do in the limelight; it's what they do in the street lights, the night lights, the common light.
======================================================
most of my entries will now be on facebook and blogger, and no, i did not jump on the bandwagon. been writing fer a while, but i feel there are new audiences to reach out to. also, facebook format is kinda restrictive.
was not able to get my 10 hours of sleep that i hoped for. ended up playing games online till 10 am, from 3:35 am...i suck. went back to sleep after a lil chat, woke up at 1ish to grab breakfast.
headed to forensics class. more about the atom, but also radiation and spectroscopy. apparently quantum mechanics fascinates me.
in the lab feeling not really awake, but caffeinated. my blood must create its own i guess.
======================================================
election season is coming. people have been on campus with clipboards and other things, tellin me to register and vote, and i throw them the same lie; i'm not an citizen of the united states. apparently it gets them off my back.
it dawned upon me that the country was built upon the idea of democracy, that we vote for our leaders, our ideas, our needs, our causes. in relation to the presidental election, a vote for a candidate (obama, mccain, some other third party) means an advocacy for their beliefs (i.e. what they stand for) but then i think about it again, and remember that i have such a distaste for the voting system. 2 things about it; the inequality/inadequacy of it, and the real purpose for it.
inadequacy/inequality (no racist intention here, only stating what i saw)
each person who is eligible to vote gets one vote. in this election from an average american, these are the two choices; black guy or old white guy. not the first time a white guy's ran, but it's the first time a black guy ran, which is pretty epic and monumental. the implications seem to outweigh the true matter at hand: reforming our country. but anyways...
i am deciding not to vote. it's not apathy, but it's this. every vote carries the same weight. so it's like this: i can vote for the better candidate, in terms of policies, stances, moral character, etc. in response, to negate my vote, some angry racist can vote mccain. that's how crapped up voting is: it makes no reference nor gives any validity to a vote, whether or not it is polished and thought out.
to the other side of the coin, yes...a rich aristocrat's vote is the same as a working class person, and for that, the system makes sense. however, the bottom line is this: money. cash rules everything around me-it ran the election process. it defines this country. it influences behavior (including the vote and laws passed in the House and Senate). the concept of voting for a democratic state exists, but it's so minor as to what actual forces are in play.
real purpose
so you're thinking, "i'm voting, in order to get the right candidate, to make a stand for what i believe in, to be empowered and united as a people for change" (not quoting obama, but the ideals of wanting the country to change has long been ingrained within me). for that, i am grateful to you as an american if you are proposing that on a noble stance.
however, on election day, the candidates aren't gonna care about that. all they're gonna care about is if they secured enough votes to become president. end of story.
to that end, obama doesn't need my vote. he may WANT my vote. he doesn't need MY vote, nor MY money. but he needs A vote, he needs SOMEONE'S money. we are faceless millions swept up and lost in a sea of anonymity. the candidates put on one hell of a show, and once they're in office, are they gonna care? are they gonna remember the hands they touched? the people they visited? the rallies they spoke at? the people they said they'd help? the true test of these people isn't what they do in the limelight; it's what they do in the street lights, the night lights, the common light.
======================================================
most of my entries will now be on facebook and blogger, and no, i did not jump on the bandwagon. been writing fer a while, but i feel there are new audiences to reach out to. also, facebook format is kinda restrictive.
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