Humor comes from acceptable deviations of standard behavior. The line between offense and applause is a thinner one every coming day.
After being overaddicted to puzzle games again for the billionth time, I ended up with a sore body and tired brain at 11:30, which developed into a re-nap until 1. Yelling at my computer for about 5 hours while getting tense in my shoulders led to some pretty poor choices for meals today. TWIGS in the evening only further demonstrated that sleep is critical. Some conversations and a revelation of a new Mortal Kombat trailer prompted me to come back to base to take care of these matters. Right now, I'm probably more interested in how tomorrow's going to play itself out.
=====================================================================================
Tonight at TWIGS, we talked about the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector in Luke 18:9-14. In it, Jesus directs this message towards people who are enveloped in their own righteousness and who also show contempt towards others. There is also a lesson seen that in actuality the prideful Pharisee is humbled, while the humble Tax Collector is lifted high in the presence of God.
I left tonight feeling unsatisfied, because someone in our small group said that self-righteousness and looking down on your peers seems inevitable, symbiotically linked. This brought me to questions in my mind, "can someone be self-righteous and not end up being a jerk to their people?" can someone still be a jerk, and yet not be self-righteous?" The answer I received was that it depends on your attitude.
Yes, it does depend on your attitude for everything you do, whether punting a baby or eating vegan. I'm starting to feel that many of these discussions are centered around buzzwords that have become the end all of conversations, that we accept those answers and move on as if checking off entries on an agenda. The transformation of the heart and oneself-we understand that it is important to both persist and consistently act in a way pleasing to God and to others but have we lost the wonder, the grandeur of it all? It seems that we're not trying to challenge ourselves, but only achieving and accumulating answers like notches on a belt.
Blind acceptance, without having the negative connotation, does not sit well with me, especially when we're talking about something that is supposed to impact that way you live on such a large scale. This is why I opt to question even the simplest things. Yes, it will lead to some stumbling in words, maybe a little faulty logic, and some badly shaped hypotheticals, but dammit, as tired as my body is, as uninterested as I look, honestly, it's to figure out more of these mysteries in life. Life presented is not the same as life experienced. This wisdom given must be explained more so that it can be fully applied, developed, and cherished. Otherwise, we're stuck with mere words.
===================================================================================
Sometimes, the smartest play involves being dumb. Statistics work when all information is available to everyone, but discovered truths trump those numbers every time.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
cereal and buns
The last couple days have been a blur, hanging out with various people. Every day since Friday, I was involved with food, and it was pretty fun.
Friday-I went to the Colonnade, invited by a guest. They had a nice albeit small pool on their coveted 11th floor, although their view left something to be desired, especially with 10 other buildings being able to look DOWN on the roof.
Saturday-Coolidge Corner has a Friendly's Express, meaning Free Scoop Day on the 5th was a go. Along with some high school friends, I got 2 cones, and then some Buy 1, Get 1 Free at J.P. Licks. No lie, J.P. Licks has the much better ice cream.
Sunday-Lunch was at Pearl Villa. Shrimp chips, flat noodles, beef, and crispy chicken were good choices, but still were too many vegetables. After losing my umbrella, there was some game time at church with old school Bomberman, Mario, Paperboy, and Chessmaster.
Probably what I really needed most was sleep, and with all these catnaps I'm taking, it needs to be a priority. In the upcoming month, I am looking for a challenge, a new project, a new hobby; learning to rap was only the tip of the iceberg. At the same time, I have to balance the whole running shenanigans; the stomach's getting wider every day.
===================================================================================
Today, we continued the talks in our series "Fundamentals of Sex" in Sunday School. Discussion questions of how leadership looks like in the workplace, church and home were put out there. From our group, we came to the general consensus that good leadership qualities carry across the board and are independent of setting (e.g, good listener, humble, has integrity, etc). We also concluded that the setting will influence how leaders may act due to different incentive structures, and because of that, the quality of the leader may be worse; climbing the corporate ladder has its own motivation, whereas being a small group leader or head of the household may exhibit a different showing of a leader.
While relaying that thought to the rest of the class, I realized midway that I was catching myself from offending some people. The recurrent issue of church leaders and how in BCEC there are no female pastors was brought up in the open discussion, and it got me thinking of 1) how sensitive is this issue to the women, and 2) how sensitive is this an issue to the church as a whole. My understanding of the whole matter is limited, but I grasp a couple of key concepts:
1) Some women take it hard because it feels like the church puts the end all of leadership in its place.
2) Some women are alright with the way the leadership element is presented, because they honestly feel that there is nothing wrong with the current model.
3) Some people do not know or attempt to know the matters concerning leadership and what the "proper model" should be in the church (I included in this boat).
4) There is a part in Scripture which I cannot find the reference now that says that men should be the leaders.
I am not going to personally comment on those 4 points, partially because I don't throw gasoline on fires, and my knowledge needs to be expanded more on this whole issue. What I am going to say is this: in these past weeks, I've found that my outlook on people isn't specifically gender based, that is to say, if a male waiter served me lunch or a female police officer gave me directions, I wouldn't attribute their actions to gender. Their actions don't need to account for gender.
At the same time, I'm not looking down on anyone or giving extra expectations to men or women when doing anything. I believe that anyone is capable of anything if they actually try (yes, there are biological actions that the genders can do, but that's not the point). Perhaps it's a fault of mine that recognizes and sees more to a person than mere physicality. At the same time though, I gripe, wondering if that's only me and my habit of oversimplification. "Now that nagging thought comes that I may be overthinking again :("
What I'm trying to say is while gender is albeit an unavoidable part in any area of life, it should not come into play so much in the larger picture. Having good relationships with your peers, being a leader, and conducting yourself in the right manner-a male is not inherently better than a female, and a female is not inherently better than a male. Everyone does things different, and many qualities of men and women, ones that seem internalized like aggression or listening, are not exclusive. Life is much more than being locked in by personality traits and physical limitations.
===================================================================================
My body works too fast for my mind. My mind works too fast for my body.
Friday-I went to the Colonnade, invited by a guest. They had a nice albeit small pool on their coveted 11th floor, although their view left something to be desired, especially with 10 other buildings being able to look DOWN on the roof.
Saturday-Coolidge Corner has a Friendly's Express, meaning Free Scoop Day on the 5th was a go. Along with some high school friends, I got 2 cones, and then some Buy 1, Get 1 Free at J.P. Licks. No lie, J.P. Licks has the much better ice cream.
Sunday-Lunch was at Pearl Villa. Shrimp chips, flat noodles, beef, and crispy chicken were good choices, but still were too many vegetables. After losing my umbrella, there was some game time at church with old school Bomberman, Mario, Paperboy, and Chessmaster.
Probably what I really needed most was sleep, and with all these catnaps I'm taking, it needs to be a priority. In the upcoming month, I am looking for a challenge, a new project, a new hobby; learning to rap was only the tip of the iceberg. At the same time, I have to balance the whole running shenanigans; the stomach's getting wider every day.
===================================================================================
Today, we continued the talks in our series "Fundamentals of Sex" in Sunday School. Discussion questions of how leadership looks like in the workplace, church and home were put out there. From our group, we came to the general consensus that good leadership qualities carry across the board and are independent of setting (e.g, good listener, humble, has integrity, etc). We also concluded that the setting will influence how leaders may act due to different incentive structures, and because of that, the quality of the leader may be worse; climbing the corporate ladder has its own motivation, whereas being a small group leader or head of the household may exhibit a different showing of a leader.
While relaying that thought to the rest of the class, I realized midway that I was catching myself from offending some people. The recurrent issue of church leaders and how in BCEC there are no female pastors was brought up in the open discussion, and it got me thinking of 1) how sensitive is this issue to the women, and 2) how sensitive is this an issue to the church as a whole. My understanding of the whole matter is limited, but I grasp a couple of key concepts:
1) Some women take it hard because it feels like the church puts the end all of leadership in its place.
2) Some women are alright with the way the leadership element is presented, because they honestly feel that there is nothing wrong with the current model.
3) Some people do not know or attempt to know the matters concerning leadership and what the "proper model" should be in the church (I included in this boat).
4) There is a part in Scripture which I cannot find the reference now that says that men should be the leaders.
I am not going to personally comment on those 4 points, partially because I don't throw gasoline on fires, and my knowledge needs to be expanded more on this whole issue. What I am going to say is this: in these past weeks, I've found that my outlook on people isn't specifically gender based, that is to say, if a male waiter served me lunch or a female police officer gave me directions, I wouldn't attribute their actions to gender. Their actions don't need to account for gender.
At the same time, I'm not looking down on anyone or giving extra expectations to men or women when doing anything. I believe that anyone is capable of anything if they actually try (yes, there are biological actions that the genders can do, but that's not the point). Perhaps it's a fault of mine that recognizes and sees more to a person than mere physicality. At the same time though, I gripe, wondering if that's only me and my habit of oversimplification. "Now that nagging thought comes that I may be overthinking again :("
What I'm trying to say is while gender is albeit an unavoidable part in any area of life, it should not come into play so much in the larger picture. Having good relationships with your peers, being a leader, and conducting yourself in the right manner-a male is not inherently better than a female, and a female is not inherently better than a male. Everyone does things different, and many qualities of men and women, ones that seem internalized like aggression or listening, are not exclusive. Life is much more than being locked in by personality traits and physical limitations.
===================================================================================
My body works too fast for my mind. My mind works too fast for my body.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Pizza for Breakfast
I'm going to try a new format for this blog, although it'll be a minor change. It'll still be the same content, and nothing quite too strange.
So today, I spent most of the day recording my audio for Denice's scrapbook. It took a while, due to the fact that I was recording multiple times, trying to sync up some homemade beats, and writing the lyrics for a bit, all while learning to use Audacity for the first time ever. At the very end of the project, I ended up using music that I found hosted on the internet. The music had to be edited in order to fit the timing as well.
Lessons I learned from the whole experience:
1) The Flow Diagram is really important and is not to be underestimated.
2) Preparation is key, not only in keeping the area quiet and having all the proper equipment, but also being mentally and physically prepared.
3) You have to have fun with it, otherwise it becomes a chore.
Around me, music, Starcraft, Rock Band, and pizza were present. Today felt very short, but pretty relaxing.
====================================================================================
In my desire to turn over that same new leaf, I find myself regressing back to step one.
Consistency is going to be key, in order for me to get my vices to leave. I must appease the need without conceding, my own life, own soul, a fresh heart beating. My dreams are starting to come back as a reminder that one day, some day I'm going to find you, the house, car, whether Beamer or Benz, but to get this all started, we gotta be friends.
Right now I have to clear my mind and get my priorities straight, otherwise I fall into the trap of comfort, not knowing how much more grander life can really be. There's always a balance that I have to strike between family, friends, wealth, and society. Unfortunately, all sides tilt to left. My hope (which is not to say that I'm not actively trying to change) is more that I don't crash and burn.
====================================================================================
If following basketball has taught me anything, it's learning that the game is subject to societal forces. The purest form of the game is untainted by wealth, racism, power inequality.
So today, I spent most of the day recording my audio for Denice's scrapbook. It took a while, due to the fact that I was recording multiple times, trying to sync up some homemade beats, and writing the lyrics for a bit, all while learning to use Audacity for the first time ever. At the very end of the project, I ended up using music that I found hosted on the internet. The music had to be edited in order to fit the timing as well.
Lessons I learned from the whole experience:
1) The Flow Diagram is really important and is not to be underestimated.
2) Preparation is key, not only in keeping the area quiet and having all the proper equipment, but also being mentally and physically prepared.
3) You have to have fun with it, otherwise it becomes a chore.
Around me, music, Starcraft, Rock Band, and pizza were present. Today felt very short, but pretty relaxing.
====================================================================================
In my desire to turn over that same new leaf, I find myself regressing back to step one.
Consistency is going to be key, in order for me to get my vices to leave. I must appease the need without conceding, my own life, own soul, a fresh heart beating. My dreams are starting to come back as a reminder that one day, some day I'm going to find you, the house, car, whether Beamer or Benz, but to get this all started, we gotta be friends.
Right now I have to clear my mind and get my priorities straight, otherwise I fall into the trap of comfort, not knowing how much more grander life can really be. There's always a balance that I have to strike between family, friends, wealth, and society. Unfortunately, all sides tilt to left. My hope (which is not to say that I'm not actively trying to change) is more that I don't crash and burn.
====================================================================================
If following basketball has taught me anything, it's learning that the game is subject to societal forces. The purest form of the game is untainted by wealth, racism, power inequality.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
breakfast bun filled with chocolate, 7-Eleven iced tea
got a sunburn at night. that's all i gotta say here.
woke up actually at the right time tday, even though i passed out from last night. headed out to Dorchester to help someone via Taskrabbit. quick job, and i think i met a new friend. took the train to Andrew station, dropped off some papers, then came back to base. pickin up the rap routine, gettin inspiration from everyone and everything. some lulz at Mass ave ensued when i was racially profiled, in the good way, which was kinda messed up.
but anyways, came back to base, slept fer a bit, then CR'd it. some odd discussions involving criminal systems, fair treatment, and what direction immigration should go. came back home, everyone was rantin bout how the celtics got screwed-i decided to not care, and spend time with friends instead.
=====================================================================================
screw it, i dunno what to say here tnight, except once again, my life isn't as interestin as others. perhaps my role in life is to assist others to a better one.
====================================================================================
my guts left as you came at the scene. my heart grew soft, cause your eyes have that gleam. the fear versus fabled future, i'm caught in between. not a saint yet, but i'm becoming pristine.
woke up actually at the right time tday, even though i passed out from last night. headed out to Dorchester to help someone via Taskrabbit. quick job, and i think i met a new friend. took the train to Andrew station, dropped off some papers, then came back to base. pickin up the rap routine, gettin inspiration from everyone and everything. some lulz at Mass ave ensued when i was racially profiled, in the good way, which was kinda messed up.
but anyways, came back to base, slept fer a bit, then CR'd it. some odd discussions involving criminal systems, fair treatment, and what direction immigration should go. came back home, everyone was rantin bout how the celtics got screwed-i decided to not care, and spend time with friends instead.
=====================================================================================
screw it, i dunno what to say here tnight, except once again, my life isn't as interestin as others. perhaps my role in life is to assist others to a better one.
====================================================================================
my guts left as you came at the scene. my heart grew soft, cause your eyes have that gleam. the fear versus fabled future, i'm caught in between. not a saint yet, but i'm becoming pristine.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
life reject cereal, orange juice, How to Rap
as someone politely put it tnight, i do not do mainstream things; is this why i am an outsider?
woke up at 8 instead of 10 cause someone decided to unlock my door and check to see if i was sleepin. broke thru my alarm a bit and ended up wakin at 11. had some breakfast fer a bit, played some games, reviewed some emails. finished up the hip-hop book, and now lookin to start a piece.
to Andy's place fer TWIGS. cooled down a bit, reflected a lil bit about changing attitudes and reminders of what we need to pray fer. hung around fer a bit, played some Bang! and Rock Band, followed by sittin around the tables at Parish Cafe II. lots of lulz there, but thru stories rather than thru sights.
back to base, tryin to plan out tmr. seems like the afternoon's booked up fer a bit. hopin the night plays out right.
====================================================================================
by personal request from "Matt", whose blog you can check out at http://www.mattwong.posterous.com, i'm gonna muse about the night lady in tremont st. she and a few others you've prolly seen in the streets, lookin thru your trash, seeking cans and other goods that ppl have thrown out yet can be of some use to them.
(No lie, this stuff needs to flow into 16 bars)
Ma'am, i saw you when the lights shine low and when the winter breeze blows.
I've walked past many times, wonderin if your actions are mere crimes.
In those cold common confrontations, i've come to these simple summations.
Although some seem at first in haste, it don't mean i've ripped them from anyplace.
Perhaps it's all work, dirty as it be, so she can support her family.
Or maybe she's bored more than ever before, so she tips trash trying fer that one big score.
Or maybe she's smart, pounding pavement, pushing packages to set herself apart.
I admit, I hadn't tried too hard to read the realities of her heart.
Point being through it all, I can't judge, or make that judgment call.
But poverty and problems lie amongst us, no matter how big or small.
It can't hurt to halt, help, hold a hand and reach out.
To learn of hers or a new story, to really get that truth out.
So maybe next time, or next week, when i'm walkin down columbus or tremont street,
i'll act upon my words, do somin small, get her somin to eat.
And it'll be ok, whether she likes vegan, fish or meat.
She deserves to be happy and not feel like dreadful defeat.
====================================================================================
small talk isn't my forte, and i'm not sorry to say that things will be ok. but please don't go, c'mon and stay. see what surprises i've got fer you today.
woke up at 8 instead of 10 cause someone decided to unlock my door and check to see if i was sleepin. broke thru my alarm a bit and ended up wakin at 11. had some breakfast fer a bit, played some games, reviewed some emails. finished up the hip-hop book, and now lookin to start a piece.
to Andy's place fer TWIGS. cooled down a bit, reflected a lil bit about changing attitudes and reminders of what we need to pray fer. hung around fer a bit, played some Bang! and Rock Band, followed by sittin around the tables at Parish Cafe II. lots of lulz there, but thru stories rather than thru sights.
back to base, tryin to plan out tmr. seems like the afternoon's booked up fer a bit. hopin the night plays out right.
====================================================================================
by personal request from "Matt", whose blog you can check out at http://www.mattwong.posterous.com, i'm gonna muse about the night lady in tremont st. she and a few others you've prolly seen in the streets, lookin thru your trash, seeking cans and other goods that ppl have thrown out yet can be of some use to them.
(No lie, this stuff needs to flow into 16 bars)
Ma'am, i saw you when the lights shine low and when the winter breeze blows.
I've walked past many times, wonderin if your actions are mere crimes.
In those cold common confrontations, i've come to these simple summations.
Although some seem at first in haste, it don't mean i've ripped them from anyplace.
Perhaps it's all work, dirty as it be, so she can support her family.
Or maybe she's bored more than ever before, so she tips trash trying fer that one big score.
Or maybe she's smart, pounding pavement, pushing packages to set herself apart.
I admit, I hadn't tried too hard to read the realities of her heart.
Point being through it all, I can't judge, or make that judgment call.
But poverty and problems lie amongst us, no matter how big or small.
It can't hurt to halt, help, hold a hand and reach out.
To learn of hers or a new story, to really get that truth out.
So maybe next time, or next week, when i'm walkin down columbus or tremont street,
i'll act upon my words, do somin small, get her somin to eat.
And it'll be ok, whether she likes vegan, fish or meat.
She deserves to be happy and not feel like dreadful defeat.
====================================================================================
small talk isn't my forte, and i'm not sorry to say that things will be ok. but please don't go, c'mon and stay. see what surprises i've got fer you today.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Regular TKO from Chicken Lou's, Arizona sweet tea
what is poverty? are we in it now? or are we unaware? is it only relative to what everyone else has, or is there a cutoff line? what is the black and white? (and yes, i took into account that stupid poverty line but i'm not feelin it at all.
woke up late to grab some breakfast, so decided to make Chicken Lou's both breakfast and lunch combined. got the TKO, which i thought was only one type of sandwich, but apparently it differs in amount of sauce (the others being called the Heavyweight and Super Heavyweight). silly me, i got the wrong one. hung around at mugar quad eatin lunch, catchin up with people and watchin folks embarrass themselves through ultimate ninja. lulz to them all leavin their stuff unattended :)
was at Curry fer a bit, playin pool and such. ran into an ol high school friend who destroyed all of us at the table. headed to Andy's place to chill for a bit-Rock Band and Starcraft 2 all up in that monkey. walked back to base later in my Air Forces while watchin some kids play on construction materials and equipment.
had a dinner of cereal and Arizona Tropical mix, while playin some games and writin my Yelp! review for Cafe de Lulu. can check it out under Fat G. gettin back into the groove of things, but need to clean up later on. rough week ahead, full of nothin, some hopes, and maybe more exercise, given i don't get sick again.
====================================================================================
my obsession with wanting what no one else wants is crippling, to say the least. societal interactions hampered. hopefully this gets sorted out before i become 100% pariah, as opposed to the 80% i am now.
still, there's something special and somethin to be said for someone who's lookin for that somethin else different. somethin that's not wanted and praised over by society.
====================================================================================
(wonders what is the tipping point...what would really let you know that i love you?). maybe it's been goin down all wrong-a poem, a rhyme, a love song? or perhaps you gotta see that i can be strong and not hurtful all along.
woke up late to grab some breakfast, so decided to make Chicken Lou's both breakfast and lunch combined. got the TKO, which i thought was only one type of sandwich, but apparently it differs in amount of sauce (the others being called the Heavyweight and Super Heavyweight). silly me, i got the wrong one. hung around at mugar quad eatin lunch, catchin up with people and watchin folks embarrass themselves through ultimate ninja. lulz to them all leavin their stuff unattended :)
was at Curry fer a bit, playin pool and such. ran into an ol high school friend who destroyed all of us at the table. headed to Andy's place to chill for a bit-Rock Band and Starcraft 2 all up in that monkey. walked back to base later in my Air Forces while watchin some kids play on construction materials and equipment.
had a dinner of cereal and Arizona Tropical mix, while playin some games and writin my Yelp! review for Cafe de Lulu. can check it out under Fat G. gettin back into the groove of things, but need to clean up later on. rough week ahead, full of nothin, some hopes, and maybe more exercise, given i don't get sick again.
====================================================================================
my obsession with wanting what no one else wants is crippling, to say the least. societal interactions hampered. hopefully this gets sorted out before i become 100% pariah, as opposed to the 80% i am now.
still, there's something special and somethin to be said for someone who's lookin for that somethin else different. somethin that's not wanted and praised over by society.
====================================================================================
(wonders what is the tipping point...what would really let you know that i love you?). maybe it's been goin down all wrong-a poem, a rhyme, a love song? or perhaps you gotta see that i can be strong and not hurtful all along.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
sweet bread
if i said i love you now, i wouldn't know why, and neither would you.
woke up this mornin at 8:15, renapped, woke at 8:45, reslept and woke at 10:10 to head to church. snacked and chatted fer a bit before goin to sunday school. learned about differences in sexes. brought up and thought up some intriguing questions.
had lunch at cafe de lulu, a new place in chi-town. lulzfest and so-so food. chilled fer a bit at youth lounge while playing super nintendo. got my shoes from z, and more lulz by a different group of folk. went to royal palace fer some eats and drinks, and saw the secret hideout near the highway. some bball fer a bit, and then back to base.
rest of the night involving gaming, and some pretty interesting convos with folks bout sunday school. other recaps through the night and hearin some old music, recovered and remixed. tryin to plan out tmr, hopfly it doesn't make me any fatter than i aready am.
====================================================================================
the sunday school we talked about tday and carryin on to the next couple of weeks is about gender roles, sexes-the when, where, what, and why. my table, not gonna lie, wasn't real helpful with the whole differential thinking. lookin for various minds to open up, teach me something, show me somethin new.
the question i thought up, but ner got answered yet, was whether we have something innate that makes us male and female. not talking bout the obvious things like body parts, and not even things like our actions (whether something looks male or female), but rather is gender something deeper? is our spirit, our thoughts...can they be distinctive like that?
====================================================================================
can i start over again with you, if i try hard enough? or you let me show you a true love?
woke up this mornin at 8:15, renapped, woke at 8:45, reslept and woke at 10:10 to head to church. snacked and chatted fer a bit before goin to sunday school. learned about differences in sexes. brought up and thought up some intriguing questions.
had lunch at cafe de lulu, a new place in chi-town. lulzfest and so-so food. chilled fer a bit at youth lounge while playing super nintendo. got my shoes from z, and more lulz by a different group of folk. went to royal palace fer some eats and drinks, and saw the secret hideout near the highway. some bball fer a bit, and then back to base.
rest of the night involving gaming, and some pretty interesting convos with folks bout sunday school. other recaps through the night and hearin some old music, recovered and remixed. tryin to plan out tmr, hopfly it doesn't make me any fatter than i aready am.
====================================================================================
the sunday school we talked about tday and carryin on to the next couple of weeks is about gender roles, sexes-the when, where, what, and why. my table, not gonna lie, wasn't real helpful with the whole differential thinking. lookin for various minds to open up, teach me something, show me somethin new.
the question i thought up, but ner got answered yet, was whether we have something innate that makes us male and female. not talking bout the obvious things like body parts, and not even things like our actions (whether something looks male or female), but rather is gender something deeper? is our spirit, our thoughts...can they be distinctive like that?
====================================================================================
can i start over again with you, if i try hard enough? or you let me show you a true love?
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