Wednesday, June 23, 2010

the first flight

Today was about a whole bunch of nothing other than going to TWIGS. Because of that, more of this post will be more about two prevalent thoughts that crossed my mind today. One's about the South End and the other is about control.

The first item occurred when I was walking to Andy's place for TWIGS. On my way to Tremont St. from my place, I look at the cars on the street. There must be at least a million dollars worth of value, out on the curbs, packed bumper to bumper. Ranging everywhere from motorcycles and Vespas, to Beamers, Lexuses, luxury SUVs and other high-class sedans, I stopped and wondered how much wealth there really is in the South End.

Most of the money in this area is actually in personal wealth, which lies the problem. There is much Americanism in the mentality that what you work for and what you earn becomes yours. Folks plug in 40 and 50 hour work weeks to get the money, pay the bills, and have a little something for themselves to spend. As such, they use it for flashier clothing, faster cars, adorned households, and even clothing for dogs. I myself was not born into a wealthy family, but I learned the value of wise spending, and definitely the importance of investment.

What pains me the most is that most of the personal wealth spent is indeed only for the persons in question. If you spend money on a nice car, it only benefits a couple of people, like your immediate family. It does nothing for the community, and cannot be passed on easily. This custom of keeping the wealth within the families is not unlike the idea of certain royal families that were marrying each other during the times of Eugenics. Although I am not saying that this practice does not compare in severity, the general idea is an air of selfishness and a contempt for "lesser people".

That's not to say that one shouldn't spend their money in their own way. It's more to say, please be prudent and caring towards others, and implicitly, stop consuming conspicuously.

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Something else struck me tonight when we were in discussion and it had to deal with faith. Apparently, much of our prayer requests fall into three categories (RED) Relocation, Explanation, and Destination. Relocation is for moving away from our current situations and hardships to another more comfortable area. Explanation is seeking the answer to a question or perplexing problem. Destination is honing a focus or direction to or for an activity or attitude.

In all three of these categories, we are seeking stability and an element of control in our lives. We are looking for our lives to be manageable, and oftentimes it comes to a point where simply we either manage it ourselves or someone manages it for us.

There is a difference between control by our own hands, and having things controlled. The problem is that in practice, they look very different, and so too are our mentalities when they occur. One could see it in the example of cooking. By making your own meals, you run the risk of making mistakes, but you get the option of personalizing to your own tastes, and having a greater degree of control. When someone else makes your meal, you are depending on their expertise and effort to make it right. They may or may not take your input into consideration, and subsequently this may affect the final product. At any rate though, less work is for you.

Ironically, this is the reverse in prayer. Many of ask simply ask God to do things, and take care of the big issues one at a time, and then return back to our own lives. The problem is that prayer is not a one time stop and shop. It is supposed to be a growth, a building of relationship, a transformation of character. It is much better to let God take control of our prayer and our lives, rather than for us to take it for ourselves. That is not to say we sit on our butts like bumps on a log, but we take the emphasis away from ourselves.

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Right now, I think my prayer is being answered, and it's blowing my mind.

Posted via email from Bloodscope Economics

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Macaroni and Cheese. 7-Eleven Iced Tea.

Today was about a whole bunch of nothing other than going to TWIGS. Because of that, more of this post will be more about two prevalent thoughts that crossed my mind today. One's about the South End and the other is about control.

The first item occurred when I was walking to Andy's place for TWIGS. On my way to Tremont St. from my place, I look at the cars on the street. There must be at least a million dollars worth of value, out on the curbs, packed bumper to bumper. Ranging everywhere from motorcycles and Vespas, to Beamers, Lexuses, luxury SUVs and other high-class sedans, I stopped and wondered how much wealth there really is in the South End.

Most of the money in this area is actually in personal wealth, which lies the problem. There is much Americanism in the mentality that what you work for and what you earn becomes yours. Folks plug in 40 and 50 hour work weeks to get the money, pay the bills, and have a little something for themselves to spend. As such, they use it for flashier clothing, faster cars, adorned households, and even clothing for dogs. I myself was not born into a wealthy family, but I learned the value of wise spending, and definitely the importance of investment.

What pains me the most is that most of the personal wealth spent is indeed only for the persons in question. If you spend money on a nice car, it only benefits a couple of people, like your immediate family. It does nothing for the community, and cannot be passed on easily. This custom of keeping the wealth within the families is not unlike the idea of certain royal families that were marrying each other during the times of Eugenics. Although I am not saying that this practice does not compare in severity, the general idea is an air of selfishness and a contempt for "lesser people".

That's not to say that one shouldn't spend their money in their own way. It's more to say, please be prudent and caring towards others, and implicitly, stop consuming conspicuously.

===================================================================================

Something else struck me tonight when we were in discussion and it had to deal with faith. Apparently, much of our prayer requests fall into three categories (RED) Relocation, Explanation, and Destination. Relocation is for moving away from our current situations and hardships to another more comfortable area. Explanation is seeking the answer to a question or perplexing problem. Destination is honing a focus or direction to or for an activity or attitude.

In all three of these categories, we are seeking stability and an element of control in our lives. We are looking for our lives to be manageable, and oftentimes it comes to a point where simply we either manage it ourselves or someone manages it for us.

There is a difference between control by our own hands, and having things controlled. The problem is that in practice, they look very different, and so too are our mentalities when they occur. One could see it in the example of cooking. By making your own meals, you run the risk of making mistakes, but you get the option of personalizing to your own tastes, and having a greater degree of control. When someone else makes your meal, you are depending on their expertise and effort to make it right. They may or may not take your input into consideration, and subsequently this may affect the final product. At any rate though, less work is for you.

Ironically, this is the reverse in prayer. Many of ask simply ask God to do things, and take care of the big issues one at a time, and then return back to our own lives. The problem is that prayer is not a one time stop and shop. It is supposed to be a growth, a building of relationship, a transformation of character. It is much better to let God take control of our prayer and our lives, rather than for us to take it for ourselves. That is not to say we sit on our butts like bumps on a log, but we take the emphasis away from ourselves.

===================================================================================

Right now, I think my prayer is being answered, and it's blowing my mind.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

pizza, odd veggie calzones

As I go through this week, life's been taking an interesting turn. Aside from failing on the "get a proper jump rope quest", I've been spending more time networking with people, and looking for suitable work. Right now, still unemployed, and I'm reaching close to the 1.5 mark, but regaining confidence, and I guess that's probably the most important part of it, whether looking, getting the interview, and carrying forth.

For now, I am officially a mentor in my community for an 11th grader. Time has allowed me to reflect more upon myself, my alertness towards others, spiritual and physical growth, along with having fun. Eventually, I'll get to that coveted seat in that house, but for now, as long as people know I'm there for them, looking out for their best interests, I should be going places.

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At Crossroads yesterday, we talked about the Parable of the Pharisee and Tax Collector found in Luke 18:9-14. The pretext of the parable being Jesus warning of folks who have self-righteousness and look at others with contempt. These two people go to the temple and pray to God; the Pharisee gives thanks that he is not a sinner like these other folks, and proceeds to tell God of his many good deeds. The Tax Collector prays that God simply extend mercy to him for he is a sinner. At the end, the lesson to the parable is that whoever is prideful shall be humbled, but those who are humble shall be exalted.

We're constantly talking in church about our attitudes, and how those will truly define our actions. Something may look seedy on the outside, but if our intentions and desires are right, then God will let it pass. At first light, the parable seems simple enough to synthesize smoothly: don't be like the Pharisee, boasting about your deeds and thinking that you are righteous by yourself. Conversely, be like the Tax Collector-humble and understanding that grace alone saves, something that cannot be achieved merely by man or his works, no matter how good.

What struck me last night however was the thought that perhaps we as a people are misrepresenting the grandeur of God. Looking back to the Pharisee, we see that along with saying what he is not, he proclaims what he has done in the past: fasting and tithing. I believe in this way he has made two mistakes:

1) He is using his own deeds and comparing them to the standard of God, equalizing their worth. In this sense, he is saying that he can reach the level of God. In reality, we know this is not true, otherwise salvation and perfection is self-attainable.

or

2) He is lowering God's standard to something a bit less than what it actually is. To say that what the Pharisee has done is enough to be on level with God is to portray Him in a lower light.

Intentionally, I don't think we try to do that, but we do a lot of comparison and bargaining, at least initially when addressing God. We fall into the compulsion of using our past deeds to negotiate, or we use our present character in order to justify a good response, a desirable result of our own decision. It's tough; at the root of things, it's not what "we've done, but what He did."

It's not to say that we should stop trying, striving for good and bank on this one belief only. Rather, it's an encouragement to those who feel the world is crashing on them, that for those who are feeling down, undeserving of mercy, grace, protection and love...that there is one out there for them. Knowing this, it lifts much the burden of life; giving up your own in order to embrace it, instead of bringing the focus back to self.

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All I can really do now, is wait and see what develops, and that chances are given, actions not misconstrued, and that our hearts are true.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Bacon, Egg and Cheese Bagels + English Muffins

Humor comes from acceptable deviations of standard behavior. The line between offense and applause is a thinner one every coming day.

After being overaddicted to puzzle games again for the billionth time, I ended up with a sore body and tired brain at 11:30, which developed into a re-nap until 1. Yelling at my computer for about 5 hours while getting tense in my shoulders led to some pretty poor choices for meals today. TWIGS in the evening only further demonstrated that sleep is critical. Some conversations and a revelation of a new Mortal Kombat trailer prompted me to come back to base to take care of these matters. Right now, I'm probably more interested in how tomorrow's going to play itself out.

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Tonight at TWIGS, we talked about the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector in Luke 18:9-14. In it, Jesus directs this message towards people who are enveloped in their own righteousness and who also show contempt towards others. There is also a lesson seen that in actuality the prideful Pharisee is humbled, while the humble Tax Collector is lifted high in the presence of God.

I left tonight feeling unsatisfied, because someone in our small group said that self-righteousness and looking down on your peers seems inevitable, symbiotically linked. This brought me to questions in my mind, "can someone be self-righteous and not end up being a jerk to their people?" can someone still be a jerk, and yet not be self-righteous?" The answer I received was that it depends on your attitude.

Yes, it does depend on your attitude for everything you do, whether punting a baby or eating vegan. I'm starting to feel that many of these discussions are centered around buzzwords that have become the end all of conversations, that we accept those answers and move on as if checking off entries on an agenda. The transformation of the heart and oneself-we understand that it is important to both persist and consistently act in a way pleasing to God and to others but have we lost the wonder, the grandeur of it all? It seems that we're not trying to challenge ourselves, but only achieving and accumulating answers like notches on a belt.

Blind acceptance, without having the negative connotation, does not sit well with me, especially when we're talking about something that is supposed to impact that way you live on such a large scale. This is why I opt to question even the simplest things. Yes, it will lead to some stumbling in words, maybe a little faulty logic, and some badly shaped hypotheticals, but dammit, as tired as my body is, as uninterested as I look, honestly, it's to figure out more of these mysteries in life. Life presented is not the same as life experienced. This wisdom given must be explained more so that it can be fully applied, developed, and cherished. Otherwise, we're stuck with mere words.

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Sometimes, the smartest play involves being dumb. Statistics work when all information is available to everyone, but discovered truths trump those numbers every time.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

cereal and buns

The last couple days have been a blur, hanging out with various people. Every day since Friday, I was involved with food, and it was pretty fun.

Friday-I went to the Colonnade, invited by a guest. They had a nice albeit small pool on their coveted 11th floor, although their view left something to be desired, especially with 10 other buildings being able to look DOWN on the roof.

Saturday-Coolidge Corner has a Friendly's Express, meaning Free Scoop Day on the 5th was a go. Along with some high school friends, I got 2 cones, and then some Buy 1, Get 1 Free at J.P. Licks. No lie, J.P. Licks has the much better ice cream.

Sunday-Lunch was at Pearl Villa. Shrimp chips, flat noodles, beef, and crispy chicken were good choices, but still were too many vegetables. After losing my umbrella, there was some game time at church with old school Bomberman, Mario, Paperboy, and Chessmaster.

Probably what I really needed most was sleep, and with all these catnaps I'm taking, it needs to be a priority. In the upcoming month, I am looking for a challenge, a new project, a new hobby; learning to rap was only the tip of the iceberg. At the same time, I have to balance the whole running shenanigans; the stomach's getting wider every day.

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Today, we continued the talks in our series "Fundamentals of Sex" in Sunday School. Discussion questions of how leadership looks like in the workplace, church and home were put out there. From our group, we came to the general consensus that good leadership qualities carry across the board and are independent of setting (e.g, good listener, humble, has integrity, etc). We also concluded that the setting will influence how leaders may act due to different incentive structures, and because of that, the quality of the leader may be worse; climbing the corporate ladder has its own motivation, whereas being a small group leader or head of the household may exhibit a different showing of a leader.

While relaying that thought to the rest of the class, I realized midway that I was catching myself from offending some people. The recurrent issue of church leaders and how in BCEC there are no female pastors was brought up in the open discussion, and it got me thinking of 1) how sensitive is this issue to the women, and 2) how sensitive is this an issue to the church as a whole. My understanding of the whole matter is limited, but I grasp a couple of key concepts:

1) Some women take it hard because it feels like the church puts the end all of leadership in its place.
2) Some women are alright with the way the leadership element is presented, because they honestly feel that there is nothing wrong with the current model.
3) Some people do not know or attempt to know the matters concerning leadership and what the "proper model" should be in the church (I included in this boat).
4) There is a part in Scripture which I cannot find the reference now that says that men should be the leaders.

I am not going to personally comment on those 4 points, partially because I don't throw gasoline on fires, and my knowledge needs to be expanded more on this whole issue. What I am going to say is this: in these past weeks, I've found that my outlook on people isn't specifically gender based, that is to say, if a male waiter served me lunch or a female police officer gave me directions, I wouldn't attribute their actions to gender. Their actions don't need to account for gender.

At the same time, I'm not looking down on anyone or giving extra expectations to men or women when doing anything. I believe that anyone is capable of anything if they actually try (yes, there are biological actions that the genders can do, but that's not the point). Perhaps it's a fault of mine that recognizes and sees more to a person than mere physicality. At the same time though, I gripe, wondering if that's only me and my habit of oversimplification. "Now that nagging thought comes that I may be overthinking again :("

What I'm trying to say is while gender is albeit an unavoidable part in any area of life, it should not come into play so much in the larger picture. Having good relationships with your peers, being a leader, and conducting yourself in the right manner-a male is not inherently better than a female, and a female is not inherently better than a male. Everyone does things different, and many qualities of men and women, ones that seem internalized like aggression or listening, are not exclusive. Life is much more than being locked in by personality traits and physical limitations.

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My body works too fast for my mind. My mind works too fast for my body.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Pizza for Breakfast

I'm going to try a new format for this blog, although it'll be a minor change. It'll still be the same content, and nothing quite too strange.

So today, I spent most of the day recording my audio for Denice's scrapbook. It took a while, due to the fact that I was recording multiple times, trying to sync up some homemade beats, and writing the lyrics for a bit, all while learning to use Audacity for the first time ever. At the very end of the project, I ended up using music that I found hosted on the internet. The music had to be edited in order to fit the timing as well.

Lessons I learned from the whole experience:

1) The Flow Diagram is really important and is not to be underestimated.
2) Preparation is key, not only in keeping the area quiet and having all the proper equipment, but also being mentally and physically prepared.
3) You have to have fun with it, otherwise it becomes a chore.

Around me, music, Starcraft, Rock Band, and pizza were present. Today felt very short, but pretty relaxing.

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In my desire to turn over that same new leaf, I find myself regressing back to step one.

Consistency is going to be key, in order for me to get my vices to leave. I must appease the need without conceding, my own life, own soul, a fresh heart beating. My dreams are starting to come back as a reminder that one day, some day I'm going to find you, the house, car, whether Beamer or Benz, but to get this all started, we gotta be friends.

Right now I have to clear my mind and get my priorities straight, otherwise I fall into the trap of comfort, not knowing how much more grander life can really be. There's always a balance that I have to strike between family, friends, wealth, and society. Unfortunately, all sides tilt to left. My hope (which is not to say that I'm not actively trying to change) is more that I don't crash and burn.

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If following basketball has taught me anything, it's learning that the game is subject to societal forces. The purest form of the game is untainted by wealth, racism, power inequality.