all black everything tday. felt it, but it ended up foreshadowing tnight.
woke up this morn fer the first time in a week without having to get up before 9 am. took the opportunity to go out to costco, and pick up some groceries an supplies. went to christmas tree shop as well; they're spreadin themselves too thin in terms of their selection-saw draperies, toys, food, decorations, etc. bought some choco and strawberry flavored cowtails-tasted nasty.
came back to base, ate some leftovers fer lunch. headed out to pru to pick up stuff; fail, but got other things instead. needin to work on composure and speed. dropped off stuff at base, but rushed out to go to crossroads. wasn't feelin it tonight-2 weeks after will prolly be my decidin factor.
takin care of some stuff here, gotta wake tmr fer work and actually earn my keep.
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this day gave my mind a moment of clarity. able to figure out 2 thoughts goin thru my mind, and guess they're both related.
lookin back at my years, am seein that i subconsciously flirt. many points in time, where i do the right thing, the nice thing, the upstanding thing, it ends up leadin to some relational or pre-relationship drama. dunno how it ends up occurin all the time, but it does. leads me to think that it happens, both cause it's addictin to me, or that i'm searchin fer love at every turn. maybe i should end up bein mean to whatever girl i meet, and if she likes me still even fer that, well..there's the kicker.
the other's bout proximity. seems pretty simple enough, but we're drawn close and closer to the ppl around us. we learn more bout them, can physically interact with them, and can reach them any time. that's why long-distance relationships are hard, and harder to maintain. everyone needs that void of distance to be filled somehow. right now, it puts me to the test on whether i'm true or can be true down the line.
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don't be disappointed in humanity. be disappointed for the future of it.
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