blueberry muffins, coke zero

after i think of it, only a handful of ppl can actually show respect to something worth respecting.

woke up this morn/afternoon, still needed to fight the ignorance in my bed. sent out some resumes, planned out some course of action fer the job search. accidentally applied to a secretary position in DC, but it pays...somwhat well...righ now, seems like any job available would be a fluke rather than a solid hit.

went to YC to swap some packages then headed out to copley fer some hangout time. pande afterwards like usual. this night however gets really odd. couple games here and there, learn some ins and out, and then outta nowhere, cops bring me down on accusations of a 10 dollar robbery. check out clean and then find at the end of night i'm banned from locals. they say it was totally unrelated, but bad politics and administration puts this into play.

head back to base, no one's at home. nothin in the fridge cept porti-drinks. hungerin some, but gotta ration out till next night. figurin what next to do tmr mornin.

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weather's been in a fritz, and i guess so life is too. ppl are caught up, still no direction, no longing to overcome, no wanting to risk some to gain more. confrontation at night with authority figures of all types made me learn lot about human psychology.

-fear tactics don't work against someone who plays it cool
-ppl fear what they can't control nor understand
-ppl gotta protect their own psyches more than anything
-eventually, ppl don't care about the truth, that allegiances are swayed only by bread

but it's all fer the best. the world is gettin too small as i think about it. why must we force ourselves through the funnels? freedom is what we're really about, or at least should be.

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apathy and ignorance are the same.

cha siu baos, coke zero

tnight's a good time to blog, marked both by thought and enterprise

woke right on time due to alarm, but stayed in bed till noon cause house was still filled with ppl. did some reorganizin the room-bed's at the window, larger open space. debatin whether to get rid of my tv or simply get a flatter one still. spent a good portion of the day replacin and usin my new printer. was bout to return it, until i found out that another piece of cardboard was blockin the exit..mbnfnkdsnfkjds...

some consolidatin here and there. business demo and presentation here, pretty much blew time and applied fer some jobs out there. needin more experience, so mos likely it's back to school next year if this pace continues. not really likin the adult life, and so used to livin in college mentality.

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back home, realized that much hasn't changed since comin back. life's pretty much the same-surrounded by a white majority, nothin to do at base cept internet and friends, no good food cept thru groceries, or headin to chi-town fer some eats. motivated by lil, cept for the big dream of leadin the ppl to victory, while seein the same shortcomings that they can overcome, both at school and fellowship.

makes me wonder not of the futility, but what's the drive fer some folks once their life plan is laid out. am reminded of a quote (which oddly and fittingly came from Die Hard) "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain he wept,
for there were no more worlds to conquer..." right now, i know the end isn't near, but it seems that within the world around, it's really too compacted.

is it really another delusion of grandeur? or is there a real reason as to why there's no night's end? my mind's runnin a million miles, and it doesn't know whether to stop or to overcome.

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...why are there so many entry level positions for sales? no one wants to be rembered as the greatest salesperson ever, nor do they have any positive impact for the future of mankind. stop hockin other ppl's wares.

honey nut cheerios, soy milked

all black everything tday. felt it, but it ended up foreshadowing tnight.

woke up this morn fer the first time in a week without having to get up before 9 am. took the opportunity to go out to costco, and pick up some groceries an supplies. went to christmas tree shop as well; they're spreadin themselves too thin in terms of their selection-saw draperies, toys, food, decorations, etc. bought some choco and strawberry flavored cowtails-tasted nasty.

came back to base, ate some leftovers fer lunch. headed out to pru to pick up stuff; fail, but got other things instead. needin to work on composure and speed. dropped off stuff at base, but rushed out to go to crossroads. wasn't feelin it tonight-2 weeks after will prolly be my decidin factor.

takin care of some stuff here, gotta wake tmr fer work and actually earn my keep.

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this day gave my mind a moment of clarity. able to figure out 2 thoughts goin thru my mind, and guess they're both related.

lookin back at my years, am seein that i subconsciously flirt. many points in time, where i do the right thing, the nice thing, the upstanding thing, it ends up leadin to some relational or pre-relationship drama. dunno how it ends up occurin all the time, but it does. leads me to think that it happens, both cause it's addictin to me, or that i'm searchin fer love at every turn. maybe i should end up bein mean to whatever girl i meet, and if she likes me still even fer that, well..there's the kicker.

the other's bout proximity. seems pretty simple enough, but we're drawn close and closer to the ppl around us. we learn more bout them, can physically interact with them, and can reach them any time. that's why long-distance relationships are hard, and harder to maintain. everyone needs that void of distance to be filled somehow. right now, it puts me to the test on whether i'm true or can be true down the line.

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don't be disappointed in humanity. be disappointed for the future of it.

honey nut cheerios

bein sick sucks, but better than bein dead. or a zombie.

woke up this morn, kinda painin but workin it through. trellis was arigh, talkin bout choices we may have lined up and why we may forsake the right path for a bevy of more choices.

got some lunch, then headed to jqus for some dodgeball. our team got killed the first game, but won our next game. still needin to work out the kinks, plays, and scouting reports all in our team effort. to mickey d's fer some after game refreshment, then back to church fer some chillin and bang!

back to base, still feelin hungry. read a bunch of wiki about accidental deaths, causality, and flamethrowers. made dinner, and accidentally poisoned myself. gotta wake up tmr fer work, hopfly i dont become bedridden again. weird dreams too, confusin my mortality.

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head's hurtin, and think i pulled somethin doin the stupid thing.