I can't explain it, but on a certain day this week, one that was filled with coincidence and perfect timing, I was left with a sense of appreciation and unfortunately dread. The happenings through the day, albeit menial, proved once again why I need to keep refining and living my life for the better, even if it looks like I'm merely being a goofball. Life has its ups and downs, and mine is no different. My ups come from the emotional and physical highs I get when learning something new, reading a new story, or hanging out with friends. Likewise, the downs are related to those things. In particular, the stagnation of any of those categories leads me to retreat into myself, because when the potential for growth is there but never accomplished, it feels like a waste-the fishing trip without the fish, the job without the paycheck. On that same day of coincidence, a friend brought to my attention what I usually do in my current stage of life. It's a question I get all the time from folks who honestly don't know too much about me and what I do during this wonderful time of unemployment. The way it was framed though..."Beside church, what else do you do?"...it got to me. Maybe the question was asked because this friend wanted to know more about me, or simply was not aware of my life outside. I thought about it and realized that I've fallen much into the middle ground of mediocrity? What does this mean? Of the few things I typically do in my week, there is no extra oomph. Many of my interests I've conceded to not get better at, not joining an organization, leadership team, or even an informal support group. It may be because I don't want to become a snob; it may be because I don't know where these places are or how to get to them. I believe the real issue is actually the non-committed feeling. Not enough of my efforts come into having something that lasts-the contentment of day to day surprises and events seems satisfactory, however little or mundane they could be. As I run through my past, the only thing that even fits the definition of consistency, of dedication and fervor, is the time I spend in the church. I'm not sure what that means at this point, and I'm starting to question my intentions again for being there so much for so long. Maybe today is my wake-up call. Maybe this is God's way of saying that I need to find something, and stick with it, but not only float along. This is the time to educate, to dedicate, perspire and inspire. Maybe that is my longing-something that is going to last.
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