being 100% is the difference between flake and fake.
woke up with a weird dream about celebrities killin each other to be in my project. made a couple of phone calls to take care of graduation and other life requirements. went on the road fer a bit, and apparently i have speed issues.
came back to base, pumped up the bball, then went to peters park to shoot around. played 2 on 2, beat some white guys, lost to some black guys. sides really hurt, so decided to come back and call it a day.
decided to drink some cherry coke instead, and got sick. went out to somerville to pick up some stuff. major fail in all activities, primary an secondary. back to base once more fer some fried chicken dinner and tele plus games. mighta pulled somethin...somewhere..
===================================================================================
power lies in purity and simplicity. and it needs to be regained...
breathe in...breathe out.. let some gas puff :)
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no closing thought tday. caffeine hurts my head.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
some freebase writing
sigh...where an how do i start? (simple, dummy, you type...)
so it's 4/24/2009, and what's on my mind? reflections on where my life's goin right now. as i go through the twists and turns, i find myself desiring many things, many people, many outcomes. ideally, i would wanna be self-sufficient in a couple years, or at least be out of this house fer a while. seems like my own uncomfortable prison cell.
days go in and out as i try to find a source of redemption and a calling or two to fill out. work has fizzled out, and i think once again i've stopped looking. this time around, i don't fear work as much as being put in a routine (even though my life now is currently in one). been glad that i haven't had to suit up, or wear a suit each day in order to be or feel productive. basic needs are still provided for, and a meager but salvagable income still comes in.
in the night, i seek something quieter and more fulfilling than the noises i hear from the tv, radio, ipod, and computer. gives me some time to read and understand, and definitely relax. (wait...relaxed isn't the right feeling...kinda feel...anxious, tense) anyways, my thoughts right now are centered or revolving around people. who are these people? these are the ppl who are in my mind stubborn.
no names, no judging, no rubbing it in...these are the folks who are goin through some things that they've resorted to handling it themselves. to further explain it would most definitely be trespassing, breachin of their trust, so i'm gonna let it pass. doesn't mean that it's not on my mind, and not a concern either. it's tough when you try to be a true friend and not some other occupation or fill some other role in someone's life.
what does that mean? well, basically, all it means is that instead of worryin bout how to get by day to day, some people should look forward into the future. (guess i gotta break out that corny metaphor of "if you continue on this path, where will you be in 5 years" sorta thing). yeah. i'm that old, and maybe overthinkin too much. but i'm thinkin for 2 people, so that's prolly why it's too much-the task wasn't meant solely fer me to embark upon.
some ppl worry that if they die, people won't notice. guess i'm worried bout that too, but moreso in the influence department, rather than my physical being. my legacy(?) if it could so be that, would be that i truly was unconventional and in doing so, was able to tap into true humanity. hmm...(perhaps that's not the right way to phrase it). oh well, it's somethin that my piddly mind can't express merely in voice. it's definitely an action thing.
-loveless world.
so it's 4/24/2009, and what's on my mind? reflections on where my life's goin right now. as i go through the twists and turns, i find myself desiring many things, many people, many outcomes. ideally, i would wanna be self-sufficient in a couple years, or at least be out of this house fer a while. seems like my own uncomfortable prison cell.
days go in and out as i try to find a source of redemption and a calling or two to fill out. work has fizzled out, and i think once again i've stopped looking. this time around, i don't fear work as much as being put in a routine (even though my life now is currently in one). been glad that i haven't had to suit up, or wear a suit each day in order to be or feel productive. basic needs are still provided for, and a meager but salvagable income still comes in.
in the night, i seek something quieter and more fulfilling than the noises i hear from the tv, radio, ipod, and computer. gives me some time to read and understand, and definitely relax. (wait...relaxed isn't the right feeling...kinda feel...anxious, tense) anyways, my thoughts right now are centered or revolving around people. who are these people? these are the ppl who are in my mind stubborn.
no names, no judging, no rubbing it in...these are the folks who are goin through some things that they've resorted to handling it themselves. to further explain it would most definitely be trespassing, breachin of their trust, so i'm gonna let it pass. doesn't mean that it's not on my mind, and not a concern either. it's tough when you try to be a true friend and not some other occupation or fill some other role in someone's life.
what does that mean? well, basically, all it means is that instead of worryin bout how to get by day to day, some people should look forward into the future. (guess i gotta break out that corny metaphor of "if you continue on this path, where will you be in 5 years" sorta thing). yeah. i'm that old, and maybe overthinkin too much. but i'm thinkin for 2 people, so that's prolly why it's too much-the task wasn't meant solely fer me to embark upon.
some ppl worry that if they die, people won't notice. guess i'm worried bout that too, but moreso in the influence department, rather than my physical being. my legacy(?) if it could so be that, would be that i truly was unconventional and in doing so, was able to tap into true humanity. hmm...(perhaps that's not the right way to phrase it). oh well, it's somethin that my piddly mind can't express merely in voice. it's definitely an action thing.
-loveless world.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
hmm, i swear i will eat that bread
ppl got too much pride. they gotta let it go, otherwise they'll be stuck in their rut fer life...this is how and who you become 10 years later.
woke up and checked, still no assignments yet. lost all my stuff in my account, gotta start back the hard way. went to catch jeff and jimmy, and was runnin around gov center and park street. out to orange julius, then to jimmy's place fer some chillin.
went to prudential, took care of some stuff. got bored an headed back to base. learnin to repractice my skills fer the big day, whenever that is..
====================================================================================
7 deadly sins. see them in a lotta folks. especially me. but it feels like i'm only a handful who are fightin against, and not simply a person who'll sit idly by. my understanding is that people indeed are like books, and that if you actually take the time to read them, you'll understand them. their twists an turns, ups an downs.
look hard enough, and you can find a reason to smile. guess that's why some guy called me mr. joker tday.
====================================================================================
the thing is, i find myself being happier when i help people instead of bring them down. dunno if that's a sign of maturity or not...if it is, guess i'm slippin then =P
woke up and checked, still no assignments yet. lost all my stuff in my account, gotta start back the hard way. went to catch jeff and jimmy, and was runnin around gov center and park street. out to orange julius, then to jimmy's place fer some chillin.
went to prudential, took care of some stuff. got bored an headed back to base. learnin to repractice my skills fer the big day, whenever that is..
====================================================================================
7 deadly sins. see them in a lotta folks. especially me. but it feels like i'm only a handful who are fightin against, and not simply a person who'll sit idly by. my understanding is that people indeed are like books, and that if you actually take the time to read them, you'll understand them. their twists an turns, ups an downs.
look hard enough, and you can find a reason to smile. guess that's why some guy called me mr. joker tday.
====================================================================================
the thing is, i find myself being happier when i help people instead of bring them down. dunno if that's a sign of maturity or not...if it is, guess i'm slippin then =P
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
need to change breakfast diet...
at 7 eleven, there were four different flavors and they were the same color. think i'm gettin ripped off...
woke up earlier than i planned. had to help someone take care of their election statement. also talked to an old annoyance, and i still want my debts paid. chilled at home fer a bit, while makin some phone calls and installin the same software.
headed out to prudential, played fer a bit. after that, went to this weird place in eastie, where i got rid of some junk, and saw the old neighborhood again. came back to base, need to clear up some discrepancies in my soul.
====================================================================================
knowledge is power. knowledge is responsibility. knowledge is a noun. =P
====================================================================================
we really can't change people, only entice them. how you do that though... gotta reach in the bag of tricks.
woke up earlier than i planned. had to help someone take care of their election statement. also talked to an old annoyance, and i still want my debts paid. chilled at home fer a bit, while makin some phone calls and installin the same software.
headed out to prudential, played fer a bit. after that, went to this weird place in eastie, where i got rid of some junk, and saw the old neighborhood again. came back to base, need to clear up some discrepancies in my soul.
====================================================================================
knowledge is power. knowledge is responsibility. knowledge is a noun. =P
====================================================================================
we really can't change people, only entice them. how you do that though... gotta reach in the bag of tricks.
homemade mcdonalds, arizona tea
as i stood in the rain waitin fer the bus, i notice that the higher end vehicles can be identified in the night by their white headlights, whereas older cards have yellow.
woke up this morn, hopin to go to work. can't happen right now, caus technically i'm fired. chilled at base with jeff, cleaned the house a bit. headed out to pandemonium in the rain.
played some games, decktested, got some trades off, won another prize too. headed back to base round 9:30 after freebieing some wendy's. saw some messages, responded to them, had a nice conversation with an old friend. watchin some tv now, and plannin what to do tmr.
======================================================================================
don't let your heart get hard. by being human we are meant to hurt and be hurt, but as humans, we also have the privilege to feel and be felt. if it's the last thing i do in my life, it's to embolden my soldiers, my people, and apparently the women i know to stand strong.
====================================================================================
being poor sucks. having nothing sucks more, but having nobody... that's when you really don't have anything.
woke up this morn, hopin to go to work. can't happen right now, caus technically i'm fired. chilled at base with jeff, cleaned the house a bit. headed out to pandemonium in the rain.
played some games, decktested, got some trades off, won another prize too. headed back to base round 9:30 after freebieing some wendy's. saw some messages, responded to them, had a nice conversation with an old friend. watchin some tv now, and plannin what to do tmr.
======================================================================================
don't let your heart get hard. by being human we are meant to hurt and be hurt, but as humans, we also have the privilege to feel and be felt. if it's the last thing i do in my life, it's to embolden my soldiers, my people, and apparently the women i know to stand strong.
====================================================================================
being poor sucks. having nothing sucks more, but having nobody... that's when you really don't have anything.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
egg mcmuffins-homestyle, arizona ice tea
sensory overload and sensory deprivation are equally but differently dangerous.
woke up fer work with a huge pain in my back. took care of 2 blocks while bravin the chilly weather. on my way back, findin out they're shootin a movie in my neighborhood; maybe i can get a part as an extra or somin, break out.
back to base, a lil kid demonstrates why i should wear a belt from now on. chilled fer a bit, then headed out to brigham circle to check out possible apartments. would have to say mission hill has some small and crummy places. still need to figure out budgeting and who else would be there too and monies..
=====================================================================================
they say having somethin is better than nothing. true, since even if one is evil, one knows what to combat. one who stands for nothing will indeed stand for nothing.
=====================================================================================
gettin old and fat sucks. not trying to audition for Santa right now, dammit...
woke up fer work with a huge pain in my back. took care of 2 blocks while bravin the chilly weather. on my way back, findin out they're shootin a movie in my neighborhood; maybe i can get a part as an extra or somin, break out.
back to base, a lil kid demonstrates why i should wear a belt from now on. chilled fer a bit, then headed out to brigham circle to check out possible apartments. would have to say mission hill has some small and crummy places. still need to figure out budgeting and who else would be there too and monies..
=====================================================================================
they say having somethin is better than nothing. true, since even if one is evil, one knows what to combat. one who stands for nothing will indeed stand for nothing.
=====================================================================================
gettin old and fat sucks. not trying to audition for Santa right now, dammit...
Saturday, April 11, 2009
japanese food
the idea isn't merely that we're called to serve. it's knowing when, where, and how to serve. remember, it's all about the people, both who can encourage and lift you up high, and the people who are in need at that moment.
right now, been in philly fer a couple days. got away from work, from home, the drudgery of a perhaps repetitive card game and a daily routine which i can only describe as atrophic? (yeah, that's the right word).
pretty much have been doin nothin, cept spent time with a friend or two, go out and celebrate good friday, read, and listen to music. the weather pretty much destroyed most of my plans, or at least the plans set out by others. it's ok though-it's given me time to recoup, relax, read, and readminister some crucial parts of my life.
===================================================================================
the weekend's given me time to realize somewhat clearly what type of company i'd like to spend time with. without sounding too conceited or prideful, these people have to be sensible, somewhat responsible, have a willingness to change, a willingness to learn, and perhaps the most important above all, the ability to hope.
that doesn't mean necessarily i'm going to shun off those ppl who don't exhibit any or all of those qualities. rather, it's something in my life that i learn i have to accept positively, that in those aspects, some people i can't change. rather, it's by the grace of God that these people allow themselves to open up, and believe that there lies something greater for them in their lives.
even so, if not in company of such people, it would be in order to help others, i.e., ones who lack hope or "excel" in stubbornness. it would be in order to show that change can happen fer the better. and yeah, i know it takes some major convincing. i know, i'm not a cunning linguist, an orator, one who is crafty or even careful with my words. most ppl say i'm quite blunt, direct, and harsh even. but uh, that's cause i'm on the quest fer truth.
the point is, that even though i may not be the right one to convince, persuade, or even to carry out the task to the best of its quality, it's my duty, heh, they say...our calling, our livelyhood. what more can i do to serve and let people understand, by both being there, and living the life that both i proclaim and believe in? consistency is very key.
granted, there are gonna be some rough patches. the uh...road marked with good intentions, blah blah blah. not gonna say i'm gonna turn over "a new leaf" immediately. after all, it's the same leaf. let's say that...i'm gonna try to be more mature and responsible, even if it looks odd.
ah well. when i get back to boston, guess it'll be back to work fer me. the grind, the life, whatever it's called. to all my people, my warriors, my ones who need guidance, ones who are seeking...shine on. shine on.
===================================================================================
when i first came to philly, i wanted to be alone. now as i leave it, for perhaps the final time, all i really wanna do is be with people. funny how life plays itself out, huh?
right now, been in philly fer a couple days. got away from work, from home, the drudgery of a perhaps repetitive card game and a daily routine which i can only describe as atrophic? (yeah, that's the right word).
pretty much have been doin nothin, cept spent time with a friend or two, go out and celebrate good friday, read, and listen to music. the weather pretty much destroyed most of my plans, or at least the plans set out by others. it's ok though-it's given me time to recoup, relax, read, and readminister some crucial parts of my life.
===================================================================================
the weekend's given me time to realize somewhat clearly what type of company i'd like to spend time with. without sounding too conceited or prideful, these people have to be sensible, somewhat responsible, have a willingness to change, a willingness to learn, and perhaps the most important above all, the ability to hope.
that doesn't mean necessarily i'm going to shun off those ppl who don't exhibit any or all of those qualities. rather, it's something in my life that i learn i have to accept positively, that in those aspects, some people i can't change. rather, it's by the grace of God that these people allow themselves to open up, and believe that there lies something greater for them in their lives.
even so, if not in company of such people, it would be in order to help others, i.e., ones who lack hope or "excel" in stubbornness. it would be in order to show that change can happen fer the better. and yeah, i know it takes some major convincing. i know, i'm not a cunning linguist, an orator, one who is crafty or even careful with my words. most ppl say i'm quite blunt, direct, and harsh even. but uh, that's cause i'm on the quest fer truth.
the point is, that even though i may not be the right one to convince, persuade, or even to carry out the task to the best of its quality, it's my duty, heh, they say...our calling, our livelyhood. what more can i do to serve and let people understand, by both being there, and living the life that both i proclaim and believe in? consistency is very key.
granted, there are gonna be some rough patches. the uh...road marked with good intentions, blah blah blah. not gonna say i'm gonna turn over "a new leaf" immediately. after all, it's the same leaf. let's say that...i'm gonna try to be more mature and responsible, even if it looks odd.
ah well. when i get back to boston, guess it'll be back to work fer me. the grind, the life, whatever it's called. to all my people, my warriors, my ones who need guidance, ones who are seeking...shine on. shine on.
===================================================================================
when i first came to philly, i wanted to be alone. now as i leave it, for perhaps the final time, all i really wanna do is be with people. funny how life plays itself out, huh?
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